Famous first Lines Of Posts I Never Finished

So I've come up with this completely BRILLIANT idea!!

Ok, I confess ...  It's not actually MY idea, it's Angela's from Sanity Waiting To Happen

In fact, it's not even Angela's idea because she pinched it from Helle at Straight From Helle but APART from that it's entirely my own idea (except for the title of the post which I stole directly from Angela ...).

But other than that it's a totally unique idea that I just thought up all by myself ...

Now everybodys got posts in draft for various reasons haven't they and it's such a waste.  I mean, they COULD be the beginings of the post that rockets you into bloggy super stardom couldn't they?

For instance, one languishing in drafts over at Angelas blog starts with:

I just heard someone use the expression “happy as a clam.” Are clams like little self help gurus of the ocean? I bet they write motivational books and give seminars on gratitude and embracing life. And I bet every time a clam gets caught in a net, the other shell fish are like “how happy are ya now? you pompous jackass.”

I don't know about you but I'd like to know where that one was going!

Talking of which, last night SD said something didn't 'cut the mustard' - I mean, who the hell says THAT these days ...

Anyway, I thought I share a few of the beginnings of posts that never got to see the light of day on MY blog so here they are:

1)

I always worry when I find myself googling burlap. I mean, burlap and hessian are obviously the biggest thing since black forest gateaux and hard boiled eggs cut into daisies but WTF exactly IS burlap and why has everybody but me got a never ending supply of the stuff... (I was obviously having a crafting crisis at the time)

2)

Some people are so organised
its almost like a dance
I'm more like a trapeze artist
as I fly by the seat of my pants
(during my poetry phase ...)

3)

I TIRE of you ... Can you believe SD said those exact words to me the other day?

I kid you not!!

Bloody hell SD, how very 18th century of you - all it needed was a dashing of the back of the hand across your beleaguered brow to complete the gesture ...

4)

I AM HOT!!

In fact, I'm hot x 3, tall and gorgeous and much younger than SD.

It's TRUE!!

(Not that I would say so myself of course but then,  who am I to disagree ...)

5)

What's your favourite colour?

I paused, milk dripping from my spoonful of fruit and fibre to consider Miss Macs question.

Turquoise, I said.

Not you, I'm asking Gus (our Border Collie).

Gus, tennis ball in mouth looked as perplexed as I did.  He cocked his head to one side questioningly.

Wuuumph

Green ...?  Blue ...?  Red ...?

'It's hard to talk with a mouthful of ball.'

Three pairs of eyes swivelled to look at SD who shrugged nonchalantly and carried on eating his breakfast.

6)

To be is to do - Socrates ... To do is to be - Sartre ... Do be do be do - Sinatra ... (saw that somewhere and it made me chuckle)

7)

I'm a posh bird - WHAT??  It's TRUE!!!

I've got the skirting in my kitchen to prove it!

Actually, there's a loose bit of skirting in my kitchen that I keep forgetting about because it's propped up in place and you cant see its loose.  This bit of skirting has recently become the exclusive 'club entrance' for the movers and shakers of the slug world.

Seriously - I couldn't work out how the little bastards were getting in and leaving their disgusting. slimy, silvery trails all over my kitchen floor each night and (gag) over the cats bowls until SD accidentally kicked the skirting the other night and knocked it over.

There on the other side of the wood was the biggest, slimiest slug I'd ever seen (and I've seen some woppers!!) - I screamed, Miss Mac screamed and SD manfully picked up the bit of skirting with the slug attached and went to throw it out of the door - except he dropped it ....  and the slug fell on his foot .... and SD swore .... a lot ....!!

Then he kicked that little sucker across the path where it hit the wall with a soft sluggy kind of thud and STUCK - for a moment ...  Then it slid down the wall and landed in my tomato plants.

8)

I sometimes feel like I'm living in some kind of parallel universe or maybe even on another planet entirely.

Be honest. Who else got chased by a daffodil with an electrified badminton racket this weekend?

Hmmm .... no takers?

Didn't think so!

I also had my leg humped at a party by a randy dog - Broke up a fight between Miss Mac and the hosts 10 year old son. Went to listen to a band in the roughest pub in town where I was just grateful no one spat on me. Had a very drunk bloke tell me that he thought SD was prettier than me  And, to top it all SD burnt a hole in my bloody mattress!

9)

SD worries about me in a very sweet way.

He worries that I don't eat enough, he worries that I'll get cold if I don't wear enough, he worries that I'll get lost if I go out on my own or that I'll start chatting to random strangers who will show me their rashes (what? It happens!)

He worries most of all that I'll do or say something incredibly embarrassing whilst were are out in public together (but he's learning to live with THAT one ;).

10)

I think I have an ism ...  possibly it's a phobia , at the very least  it's an allergy.

It became very apparent on Saturday night when I was out listening to a band but I'll tell you about that later.   The Racehorse is a proper Irish bar with a certifiable landlady, hard drinking bikers and the source of my 'ism' - extremely badly dressed women wearing lots of makeup with frankly terrifyingly large breasts!

So, that's just a few of the things that either didn't make it on to the blog or were re-written and appeared in a different form.

There are also of course the text that I sent to myself with snippets to be used in blog posts that on re-reading make absolutely no sense to me whatsoever .

For instance:

Faux Mo Throw and Tomato Leprechaun ...

Both of which I'm fairly sure would have made GREAT blog posts if only I knew what the hell I was talking about!

Have you got loads of stuff in draft?  Care to share it?  Anything here you want me to elaborate on?