fudge

Wednesday 27 July 2016

Summer Is Officially OPEN For Business!!!

See???



Yes, well, this IS South Devon and to be fair, the thick fog that was almost obliterating the island when we arrived had lifted a little AND the rain eased off a bit.  About 20 minutes after this it was actually warm enough to take my coat off for a bit!

But this was the END of my weekend and I really ought to start at the beginning don't you think?

So ...

Saturday morning saw SD and I load up the van and head for deepest, darkest Devon.  Not a place was often venture but the place of my childhood and for one weekend only I was revisiting not just the place but the people too.

As it was the first weekend of the holidays and the world and his wife were likely to be travelling South we gave the motorway a miss and  headed down the Ex Valley.

On the way we stopped off here:





How stunning is this place?

Bickleigh Mill was built in the late 18th century and was milling corn until the devastating floods of the 1960's. Corn from surrounding farms was raised into the corn loft and then ground. The mill workings and water wheel are still on display. In 1973 the Mill, Bickleigh Farm and its land underwent a major change when it became the Devonshire Centre with crafts, a working farm and the mill.

 The main event of the weekend however was this:


A mini festival organised by an old school friend to celebrate the fact that we all turn 50 this year.

These guys REALLY know how to throw a party!!!

There was a hog roast, a lamb roast, a beer and cider tent as well as a tea and cake tent and not just one, not just two but SIX bands playing from 11am until midnight.

Jessica and the Rabbits

As well as these guys there was a band called Stumpy Drives A Datsun, The Elderly Brothers and Lesley Presley:

More than slightly scary in and out of character!


It was an epic day/night from sitting in the sun catching up with friends to dancing in the rain at midnight.

I'm in there somewhere ...


The following morning some people were feeling a little worse for wear ...
As I said, SD and I don't often go to South Devon, when we head that way it's usually to Cornwall but South Devon is where I grew up and, as we were only a few miles away we set out for Bigbury-On-Sea, the home of my Grandparents and my childhood playground.

The photo at the top is of Burgh Island taken from the mainland.  The tide is out in the photo but it sweeps in from both sides and covers the causeway cutting the Island off from the land.

The only way to get across the sands at high tide is on this:


The sea tractor!

This is the 3rd generation sea tractor and it's actually smaller than the one I remember from my childhood - it's still a pretty big thing though!

The Island itself is well worth a visit.

If you have plenty of money you could stay in the hotel (prices seem to range from £300 to £700 PER NIGHT!!!):



I think actually I need to write a post devoted to the Island and my memories, there is far to much to say about it here so I'll just post a couple more photos:






Wandering around it was good to see how much has stayed the same while at the same time a little sad to see how things had changed.

Thursday 21 July 2016

Things That Have Been Making Me Laugh Lately

This morning:

Me: Examining my hair reflectively in the mirror:

'Do you think I should dye my hair SD?'

SD: 'No, your hair is lovely just as it is' (Awww )

And then:

SD: 'And it's age appropriate' (ok, not quite so Awww ...)

nb:  SD is NOT a reliable source where hair is concerned as HE thinks it looks great like this!





A couple of weeks ago when visiting Mum at the nursing home we pulled into the car park which overlooked the small garden.

As we got out of the car:

SD: In horror -  'What  are those?'  and with a certain amount of trepidation and possibly fear:

'Are they ... are they ...   HAIR PIECES???'

SO tempted to say yes!


My sister phoned me the day before Mum was due to come home to run through all the stuff we needed to remember to bring back with her.

Everything seemed pretty normal, clothes, toiletries, hairbrush etc and then she added:

'Oh, and we mustn't forget the poo tray!'

'Good GOD' I said - 'What the hell IS THAT???'

'You know the one' she went on (I most certainly did NOT!) - 'The one Mum has underneath her when she's sitting in the chair - I brought it from home because the one's they had weren't really big enough (too much information!)  - I expect Mum will need it when she gets home and anyway, it's mine and I use it so I wouldn't want to leave it behind' (for the record - I bloody did!).


MY SISTER LENT OUR MUM HER POO TRAY!!!

'What exactly is it for' I was half afraid to ask  (although it seemed fairly self explanatory ...)

'It's so she can keep her ankle elevated Sis replied.

THANK GOD!!!  The thing she wanted to bring home was a POUFEE!!!

Sis and I took Mum out on Tuesday - the hottest day of the year so far with temperatures hitting the mid 30's and I'm pushing a wheelchair around town!

It was a blessed relief to get into a shop with air conditioning.

Mum wanted to buy something and at the checkout was a very cute baby in a pram who smiled at us.

'Isn't he lovely' said the lady behind the till.

'Yes' said Mum - 'What a shame they have to grow up'

Gee THANKS Mum - I've just pushed you 2 sodding miles through town in the blistering heat and you wish I'd never grown up ...


Then later she had the cheek to tell me I looked terrible because I was bright red in the face and sweating buckets - next time she can push ME - see how she likes that!
















Monday 18 July 2016

Maybe I AM Stupid ...

If you are a Facebook user you have probably seen this some time in the last week:







I've seen it 3 or 4 times now and each time (up until the last) I have just scrolled past because you know what?  It IRRITATES me!

Actually, it does far more than irritate me, it worries me AND it makes me question the people I know that feel it's appropriate to post it.

Finally I have caved and posted this (genuine) response:

"I've seen this posted several times now and I genuinely don't understand the point it is trying to make (that is to say, I understand what it is saying perfectly, just not the relevance). People kill people and you can't legislate for every eventuality so we shouldn't even bother trying? It seems both patronising and defeatist unless I'm missing something (am I missing something - or stupid ... )"

I'm hoping that someone will enlighten me because I can't see how or why anyone could (or would want) to use this atrocity as some kind of 'pro gun' propaganda (which is how it appears to be being used).

As I have said, I find it both patronising and deeply disturbing.

So AM I missing something?

AM I being stupid?

I honestly don't mind if it's either but I would like to understand exactly what the message is ...

Friday 8 July 2016

Stop The Train!!!

Life seems to be in fast forward mode at the moment and I've got to admit - it's scaring the crap out of me!!!

Not only are parents getting older - and this really was brought home with Mum's recent accident and time in hospital but Miss Mac has suddenly gone from a school girl with braces on her teeth to a gorgeous young woman planning her future.

A future that doesn't include me!!!

It scares me ...

I know, I KNOW all that 'give them roots and wings' stuff - I know it and I really hope I've managed it.  I know I've done my very best but I'm just not ready for it dammit!

We've been looking at Universities and in just over a year she will be heading off to a (hopefully) exciting new life but I don't think I'm ready for it.

I've been a hands on Mum since just before my 18th Birthday, that's over 30 years, it's who I am and yet, in a few short months, it's NOT who I will be ...

I'm feeling a bit lost already.

SD sees it as an exciting new beginning for us as a couple and I do get that.  I mean, we can pretty much do as we like right now as Miss Mac is old enough to take care of herself if we go away for a weekend or something but this will be different and as SD says, 'we have plans!'

It's an exciting new beginning for Miss Mac too, a time to find her place in the world, make new friends, have fun and start to build for her future.  I know all that so why does it all fill me with a sense of panic and dread?

I'm so glad I can say that out loud here.  I can't really explain it to SD.  He hasn't had children of his own and although he is a great role model for Miss Mac and does everything (in fact MORE than I could have hoped for) for Miss Mac, he doesn't have that same bond that you get with either your own children or even a child that you have brought up as your own. I know he cares for her but he has only been in her life for a few short years so he does remember and look forward to a time where his role is slightly more hands off.

I can't say it to Miss Mac, these are my anxieties to deal with.  Her job is to be excited and to look forward.  I'm sure she will have a few anxieties of her own and MY job is to help her through them not add to them.

You know the really stupid thing that's bothering me most?

MOULD!!!

I was checking the website of her preferred Uni and took a look at the list of things they recommend they bring with them.  One was mould cleaner ...

I hate the thought of her living in a place with mould in the bathroom or kitchen.  I have my own battle with it due to my bathroom being single skinned and although I've pretty much eradicated it there is still the odd outbreak.

Will she clean it off???  Doubtful, the chances are it won't even bother her that much if there is some (and I'm assuming the whole place won't be infected with the stuff or they wouldn't place student there ...) but it bothers ME!

I'm probably just focusing on it so that I don't worry about everything else but right now I can't seem to help it.

Will she change her bedding regularly?  Will she live on noodles and toast?  Who will plait her hair for her at night so it falls into lovely soft curls in the morning?  Will people be MEAN to her??

I have never wrapped my children in cotton wool.  I've let them climb trees, I've allowed them to jump in the deep end of the pool before they could swim confidently, I've let Miss Mac hop on a train and travel across the country (as long as she was met at the other end) from the age of 13 and plenty of that has scared me a little but I've dealt with it and it's been fine.

This isn't the same - it's not the same at all ...

I want her to go because she is bright and clever and SO full of possibilities and I know that I will get over these feelings in time and be happy for her but right now, if I'm honest, I'm just going to miss her SO damned much!!

We have SUCH a good relationship.  She makes me laugh every day.  We talk about almost everything (I'm not so naive that I think she tells me everything).  We fall out so rarely and when we do it's about silly stuff and it doesn't last long.  I've been so fortunate that we have never had big problems to face.  She hasn't behaved badly.  We haven't gone through those horrible times that I've seen some of her friends go through with their parents.

I know so many people bang on about not being their children's friends because they are their parents but honestly?  Miss Mac and I seem to have been able to be both.  We don't enjoy all the same things but we do enjoy spending time together.

There is going to be a lot of adjusting to do on both our parts.  I'm sure she will miss me too but I'm hoping that all the new experiences will mean that it will just be a back ground feeling and that mostly she will be happy and excited.  I'm sure that will be the case.  I think I'll struggle a little more being here with her empty bedroom, without an overflowing laundry basket, without the little pads of cotton wool left on the sink when she takes her makeup off (even though there is a bin right under the sink!), without the box of Coco Pops on top of the microwave ...

I've got a year or so to get my shit together, to stop feeling sorry for myself, to fully buy in to SD's vision of the future, to believe in it and to know that it's going to be great (because it IS!).

But today (and maybe tomorrow) I just want to wrap my arms around my baby and hold her close.

Stop The Train!!!

Life seems to be in fast forward mode at the moment and I've got to admit - it's scaring the crap out of me!!!

Not only are parents getting older - and this really was brought home with Mum's recent accident and time in hospital but Miss Mac has suddenly gone from a school girl with braces on her teeth to a gorgeous young woman planning her future.

A future that doesn't include me!!!

It scares me ...

I know, I KNOW all that 'give them roots and wings' stuff - I know it and I really hope I've managed it.  I know I've done my very best but I'm just not ready for it dammit!

We've been looking at Universities and in just over a year she will be heading off to a (hopefully) exciting new life but I don't think I'm ready for it.

I've been a hands on Mum since just before my 18th Birthday, that's over 30 years, it's who I am and yet, in a few short months, it's NOT who I will be ...

I'm feeling a bit lost already.

SD sees it as an exciting new beginning for us as a couple and I do get that.  I mean, we can pretty much do as we like right now as Miss Mac is old enough to take care of herself if we go away for a weekend or something but this will be different and as SD says, 'we have plans!'

It's an exciting new beginning for Miss Mac too, a time to find her place in the world, make new friends, have fun and start to build for her future.  I know all that so why does it all fill me with a sense of panic and dread?

I'm so glad I can say that out loud here.  I can't really explain it to SD.  He hasn't had children of his own and although he is a great role model for Miss Mac and does everything (in fact MORE than I could have hoped for) for Miss Mac, he doesn't have that same bond that you get with either your own children or even a child that you have brought up as your own. I know he cares for her but he has only been in her life for a few short years so he does remember and look forward to a time where his role is slightly more hands off.

I can't say it to Miss Mac, these are my anxieties to deal with.  Her job is to be excited and to look forward.  I'm sure she will have a few anxieties of her own and MY job is to help her through them not add to them.

You know the really stupid thing that's bothering me most?

MOULD!!!

I was checking the website of her preferred Uni and took a look at the list of things they recommend they bring with them.  One was mould cleaner ...

I hate the thought of her living in a place with mould in the bathroom or kitchen.  I have my own battle with it due to my bathroom being single skinned and although I've pretty much eradicated it there is still the odd outbreak.

Will she clean it off???  Doubtful, the chances are it won't even bother her that much if there is some (and I'm assuming the whole place won't be infected with the stuff or they wouldn't place student there ...) but it bothers ME!

I'm probably just focusing on it so that I don't worry about everything else but right now I can't seem to help it.

Will she change her bedding regularly?  Will she live on noodles and toast?  Who will plait her hair for her at night so it falls into lovely soft curls in the morning?  Will people be MEAN to her??

I have never wrapped my children in cotton wool.  I've let them climb trees, I've allowed them to jump in the deep end of the pool before they could swim confidently, I've let Miss Mac hop on a train and travel across the country (as long as she was met at the other end) from the age of 13 and plenty of that has scared me a little but I've dealt with it and it's been fine.

This isn't the same - it's not the same at all ...

I want her to go because she is bright and clever and SO full of possibilities and I know that I will get over these feelings in time and be happy for her but right now, if I'm honest, I'm just going to miss her SO damned much!!

We have SUCH a good relationship.  She makes me laugh every day.  We talk about almost everything (I'm not so naive that I think she tells me everything).  We fall out so rarely and when we do it's about silly stuff and it doesn't last long.  I've been so fortunate that we have never had big problems to face.  She hasn't behaved badly.  We haven't gone through those horrible times that I've seen some of her friends go through with their parents.

I know so many people bang on about not being their children's friends because they are their parents but honestly?  Miss Mac and I seem to have been able to be both.  We don't enjoy all the same things but we do enjoy spending time together.

There is going to be a lot of adjusting to do on both our parts.  I'm sure she will miss me too but I'm hoping that all the new experiences will mean that it will just be a back ground feeling and that mostly she will be happy and excited.  I'm sure that will be the case.  I think I'll struggle a little more being here with her empty bedroom, without an overflowing laundry basket, without the little pads of cotton wool left on the sink when she takes her makeup off (even though there is a bin right under the sink!), without the box of Coco Pops on top of the microwave ...

I've got a year or so to get my shit together, to stop feeling sorry for myself, to fully buy in to SD's vision of the future, to believe in it and to know that it's going to be great (because it IS!).

But today (and maybe tomorrow) I just want to wrap my arms around my baby and hold her close.

Wednesday 6 July 2016

House Guests And Fish

Hello - it's ME!!!





Look at me captaining my own speed boat somewhere in the Med!!!

Actually, I'm not (but, if you close one eye and squint a little it does kind of look like I might be doesn't it ...?).

I'm really standing on Sidmouth seafront taking a selfie.

SD asked me if I'd photo shopped it to iron out all the wrinkles - how very DARE he!!!

No!!!  I have NOT  - and I have not because ...

Well ...  I don't HAVE to because my phone does that for me!

It's got this thing called face beauty mode which I didn't know anything about.  I just thought I was looking bloody hot for a change because (as you will know) I tend to take a TERRIBLE photo but I always blame that on SD.  He's got a serious gift for making me look weird and dumpy.  How the hell he manages it almost every time is beyond me.  I mean the weird bit IS probably down to me but dumpy?  I'm 6ft tall for goodness sake!

Anyway, I NEEDED a decent photo of myself after the week and a half I've had.

I've had my niece staying with me and it's been TERRIBLE ...

TERRIBLE I TELL YOU!!!

You want to know why?

THIS is why people

THIS IS WHY!

That girl couldn't take a terrible/weird/dumpy photo if she tried and even giving the camera to SD didn't help (although he still managed to make ME look a little weird ...)

It's just as well I love her so much and unlike fish she would have be welcome to stay much longer and I'm missing her already.

You know, I haven't blogged now for about a month.  I haven't visited many blogs or commented much in that time either so I'm going to pop round to all my regulars in the next few days to see what you have all been up to.

I've been having a great time.

As well as having my niece to stay I spent a weekend at a festival a couple of weeks ago and there was SO much going on.

Crazy guys doing crazy stuff!


More crazy guys (and one crazy girl) doing more crazy stuff on the wall of death
Crazy people with crazy cars
And

A few crazy paint jobs ..



And a bit of total madness - yes, that IS a real car suspended from the roof ...




And it would be Bad Manners not to mention these guys:

See what I did there??
All that and I haven't even mentioned the kite surfing, the BMX riders, the retro stalls, the bungee jumps, the beer - let's NOT forget the beer ...

What a great weekend!

BUT, the best was yet to come!

A trip to Lyme Regis to get my beach fix:


Then a couple of days later ...

We went to a car show ...

But THIS car show was at a donkey sanctuary!

Who doesn't love donkeys?

The sun shone and it was a glorious day.  We spend a couple of hours wandering around the cars and then another couple walking around the Donkey Sanctuary which is HUGE.  Altogether is spread over around 300 acres and more than 300 Donkeys live there with more coming in each week.

I honestly had NO idea of the scale of this place.  I was expecting a couple of fields and half a dozen donkeys but they have a visitor centre with a great cafe.  An animal hospital.  They do work with disabled and disadvantaged children.  They send people abroad to educate people in other countries in how to care for donkeys.  They have vets visiting from abroad.  There is SO much going on and it's all set in such stunning grounds:


There were fields of hay and fields of donkeys all along this avenue of trees.

I wanted to come and live here ...


This is a small formal garden with lavender beds surrounded by box hedging and a stone wall all around it.  That house is actually used as offices, imagine coming to work here?

I can!
And I was totally serious when I told SD that I want to sell up, move to Sidmouth and get a job in this place - I'm hoping he was equally serious when he said he'd come with me ...

And if that wasn't enough we then spent the final few hours of the day here:

On Sidmouth seafront
Which has the same quaint Victorian feel to it that I love about Budleigh Salterton.

I could live here ...

So yep, I've been a bit busy and really all of these days out should have had posts of their and there may be another one on the donkeys very soon as well as more about Mum, my fat knee, the poo tray and the hair pieces oh, and the frog who lives in a box.