A Keen Cyclist
SD is a big fan of cycling - recycling, upcycling, bicycling. In fact, pretty much anything with a sigh in it gets his vote so when the roof on the woodshed at the farm started looking a little dodgy and in danger of falling in and crushing any innocent person rummaging for logs he didn't take the obvious solution of just replacing it, he sat and thought a while ...
SD has also been in the market for a new trailer for a while now, I mean, he only has two (or maybe its three) which is clearly not enough so he's been surfing ebay for the past few months (and I'd thought buying socks was hard!!) but either they weren't right or they were far too expensive or too far away, nothing quite fitted the bill.
You might be forgiven for wondering what the hell the connection is between the two ....
Unless you are SD in which case its perfectly obvious.
You look at the woodshed, realise that its not only a really shitty and difficult job to repair the roof but also that its probably going to be very expensive.
You look at the trailer situation and you realise that you'll never find the trailer you want at a price you can stomach and so ...
You buy a CARAVAN!
I know, ingenious or what?
Did you just say WTF??
SD bought the shittiest, filthiest, biggest fuck off caravan I've ever had the misfortune to step inside of and then he nailed my foot to the wall of it!
Yes, he really did.
If you are still scratching your heads here then I'll put you out of your misery.
What you do is, you con your long suffering girlfriend into helping you strip the shitty caravan discovering that while It's been left to rot for a few years its still pretty sound and full of high end stuff, working fridge, sink, battery charger thingy, all sorts of stuff that you can sell on to recoup the money you spent on it.
You then con your long suffering girlfriend and a couple of beefy friends into helping you remove the body of the caravan from the chassis (not easy, very heavy and bloody filthy!) and voila, you have a new log shed and the perfect chassis to build your own trailer and, by the time you've sold all the stuff you salvaged and conned your long suffering girlfriend into cleaning it hasn't cost you a penny!
By the way, just in case you start to think SD is mean or penny pinching, nothing could be further from the truth. He's incredibly generous with his money, time and belongings but he'd much rather invest a little time and energy into something and spend his money on good times (which we did last week, more on that, my broken nose and dyeing my daughter blue soon ;).
Where was I ....
Oh yes, SD NAILED MY FUCKING FOOT TO THE WOODSHED!!!
A caravan body without a chassis isn't very strong so, what you so is strengthen it with a wooden framework inside and out.
You have your long suffering girlfriend inside holding wood in place as you screw more lengths of wood right through the wall to kind of sandwich the two together.
Now I'm not getting down on my hands and knees in that shitty caravan for anyone so I braced my foot against the wood and pushed as hard as I could while SD screwed from outside.
'Has it taken' he shouted.
'I think so' I shouted back'.
'Will the wood move?'
'I don't think so.'
'Can you try it??' (Slightly exasperated)
'Not really ...'
SD appeared at the caravan door looking a little flustered.
'You can move your foot now'.
'Sarah, you can move your foot now, the screws in and I just need to check its solid'.
'Oh, It's solid alright'.
'Move your foot and let me check'.
Under normal circumstances I'd probably have found it quite funny but sometimes I suspect SD thinks I'm a little simple and I get so frustrated proving him right time after time. A couple of hours earlier I'd been helping remove some screws and was getting really cross when they wouldn't come undone. It was only when SD pointed out that I wasn't using the ratchet spanner that I realised all I'd been doing for the past 10 minutes was undoing it half a turn and then tightening it back up again ...
SD rather unkindly refers to me as a 'comedy date' sometimes because he says there's no knowing what incredibly stupid thing I'm likely to do next.
Most unfair in my opinion, as I've always maintained - Things happen in every day life, things just happen. I'm sure they happen to you too!
I'm right aren't I ....???