The Hawaii Years

Well it happened ...

I knew it was going to but somehow I never imagined it ever would.

Considering the alternative I'm pretty grateful it did but I still can't quite get my head around it.

It all seems a tiny bit ridiculous and even now when I think about it I feel this tiny bubble of hysterical laughter building up inside.

I mean seriously? 

ME!!!

50 ...

Wow, I guess being the youngest of four means that you always think of yourself as the youngest and, while I still AM the youngest of four well, the others ain't so young either these days ...

Actually, there isn't very much between us at all.  My eldest sister will be 55 next month, the next one down will be 53 in May and for the next few days until she turns 51 I will be the same age as the sister above me.

That must have been a hell of a 5 years for my Mum!

I keep thinking 'but i don't FEEL 50' although to be honest, I'm not sure HOW I'm supposed to feel.

Nothings really changed, not really ...

One of the Birthday wishes on my Facebook said, 'age is just a number - actually, age is just a word' and that's true.  Just a little three letter word which means whatever you choose it to mean.

SD see's a bright new future, one with less responsibility, more freedom and at some point more time to do the things we love.

I get that although to be fair, that's pretty much how SD has ALWAYS lived his life.  The biggest changes are for me and while I really am looking forward to them and I know we are going to have so much fun I can't help taking a glance back and feeling a little sad that the days of hands on motherhood are drifting away.

ANYWAY!!!

One of the things that age HAS taught me is that looking back with regret is a pointless exercise and changes nothing and, if it weren't for the past then I probably wouldn't have ended up where I am and I really don't think I want to be anywhere else.

So ...  Back to my Birthday because I think when you turn 50 it probably is ok for it all to be about you don't you?

SD and I had planned to spend last weekend in Cornwall drinking coffee, walking the cliff paths, sifting sand through our fingers and filling our lungs with salty air and it would have been a fantastic weekend to do it as Spring made an early appearance for a few days.  The weather was mild, the sun shone and we had a glorious few days.

But SD's Mum wasn't very well last week and spent a couple of days in hospital.  She is out now and doing well although having some more tests but it just wouldn't have felt right to be so far away when she might have needed us so we put our plans on hold and will save Cornwall for Easter.

We did have a day out on Saturday though.

SD took me to Budleigh Salterton.  I've talked about Budleigh before.  It's a place that I love with it's pebble beach, little boats pulled high up on the shore, the colonial style houses and air of gentility.  Budleigh has a gentle pace of life which I love.  People walk slower, they stop and take in their surroundings, it's such a peaceful place to be and it was the perfect time to be there.

I've probably photographed this very boat more than once but I love the way the setting sun lit it from one side and the faint touch of pink in the sky behind.

I don't often post photos of SD on the blog but I couldn't resist this one, he just looks SO damned pleased with himself!


SD took loads of photos of me as he always does and I managed not to look too horrendous in a couple of them.

Then I got all arty with my photos:

How cool is the light on the wood and the way it frames the person standing on the shore:

At the end of a beautiful afternoon we sat overlooking the sea sharing a bag of cheesy chips and watching the sun set:

I was so peaceful.

Yesterday by contrast was non stop visitors, presents, phone calls and messages and ended with a lovely meal out and, because it's a big Birthday, it doesn't end there.  On Saturday SD and I are going to see The Stranglers in Cardiff where they are playing the whole of the Black and White album back to back, should be a great night out!