Treey asked me yesterday why I haven't blogged for a while.
There is no single answer for that.
It's a combination of things I guess. Lack of time is one of them and lack of inspiration is another.
Is not that I don't have anything to say, plenty of things happen on a daily basis that I could write about but I guess I'm just going through an inspiration lull. It happens, it will pass, I'm not too worried about it.
Last night there was a bit of a commotion outside. This is happening on a more and more regular basis.
The focus is a block of flats behind the flats opposite my house.
The flats opposite my house are well maintained and mostly privately owned, there is rarely any kind of trouble or noise from them.
The other block of flats lead towards the town at a right angle to these flats forming an L shape. These flats are council owned. They were built in the 60s and they are fairly run down. There has been talk over the years of pulling them down and replacing them with new housing. They could be nice flats. They are in a great position and near to the town. They are a good size, so much bigger than modern boxes with well proportioned rooms, big windows and balconies. Put them alongside the river of canal and they would be seen as premium housing!
These flats are seen to house what some people may call 'the dregs of society'.
Those aren't my words or beliefs.
It's true to say there are people living there with drink and drug habits. It is also true to say that there is a high level of unemployment within that community. It can't be denied that there are people who live there who do not envisage any other way of life for themselves.
It would also be true to say that there are people living there who are none of those things and are just victims of their own situation.
It can't be a pleasant place to live. If I can hear the commotion from my house how much worse must it be to have it going on outside your door?
Sometimes the altercations are very loud, they sound violent, the police are called.
Sometimes, like last night, it's a single voice of a seemingly desperate person.
I don't know the details of last nights commotion. I could hear a girl crying and shouting. I suspect a man was involved (although I couldn't hear clearly). I think she was outside trying to make him hear, to get a reaction.
I wanted to tell her to STOP!!!
To walk away. To forget he existed (if it was indeed about a HE).
To move on, to build a better life, to be the only person she needed with anyone else only adding to her life rather than being dependent on them.
I wanted to shake her and ask her what it was she thought all the shouting and crying was going to achieve.
Was it going to make everything alright? Was it going to fundamentally change whatever was going on? Was it going to make life good and happy?
No - it wasn't.
I don't know her, I don't know what it was about, I'm not really in any position to judge or even have a view but I do.
I probably haven't been in her position but I do know what it's like to feel as desperate as she sounded.
I also know that if someone is capable of making you feel that desperate then you have to walk away from them.
I know that they will keep you in that place until you loose sight of yourself and that feeling of desperation will always stay with you.
I wish I could show her that what she thinks she wants is just a facade, it's not real, there is so much more out there and, even if there isn't then it's better to be on your own.
I wanted to tell her to start living her own life - to start OWNING her own life.
I wanted to tell her that there was another way.
I could be so wrong about what was going on last night but i wasn't wrong about that desperation.
I hope she sees a way out of whatever situation she is in and I really hope she finds ways of being happy.