Oh Lou .....

Now I consider myself to be a bit of a dating expert .... Sound familiar?

 (ok, more of a guide on how NOT to really:)..

Don't believe me?

Read about some of them here!

So today was the turn of Matt the optician.

Well aware that this was at least in part a social experiment he still gamely agreed to meet up for an hour or so for a coffee and to meet face to face.

I went through the flurry of usual 'first date' preparations.

Reading a few blog posts.  Making the odd comment. Walking the dog.  Drinking coffee and eating the ubiquitous bacon sandwich when I realised that somehow I'd only left myself half and hour to shower, change and get there!!!

Bugger!

Luckily I can pull it together pretty quickly when I have to and so, running only slightly late, I made my way to Cafe Mambo, the chosen meeting point.

Cafe Mabo has a great outdoor space filled with tables with huge umbrellas, background music and, until recently (and I hope they bring it back) a VW camper that served as an outside bar.

I wish I'd taken some photos and although I've trawled the net I can't find any decent ones.

Anyway, I got myself a coffee and sat outside as arranged. 

Fortunately Mambos also have very effective patio heaters.  Mild as it has been it IS still January in the UK.

And I waited.  And my coffee cooled ...

And I started to get slightly pissed off.

Had Matt the optician STOOD ME UP????

I could have text him but then, did I really need the humiliation of being told that yes, I had been stood up or even worse, get no answer at all?

So, leaving my now cold coffee I stood up to leave trying to pretend that I'd intended to be there all on my own the whole time.

Then, my phone bleeped.

A text.

'Have you stood me up?'.

Well, I looked around and there wasn't anyone on their own fitting his description which was a little confusing.

Ok, so I was in the wrong place AGAIN!!

We had in fact arranged to meet at Cafe Nero just up the road NOT Cafe Mambo.

This isn't the first time I've done this on a first date. 

Last time I sat in the Moat House whilst my date waited for me at The Market House. 

Both times it was my mistake.

I'm pretty good at making first impressions (not necessarily good ones you understand, just an impression ;).

Well, the last time I did that it didn't turn into a complete disaster so maybe this was a GOOD sign.

As Matt was sitting there with two HOT coffees (and cake!!) I said I would come to him.

There he was, looking very much like his photo thank god with the best looking piece of coffee and walnut cake I'd seen for a very long time.

I just KNEW this was going to go well :)

We laughed at the mix up (although I didn't mention it wasn't the first time I done that).

We chatted and generally got on pretty well.

Now, the tables outside cafe Nero are rather insubstantial.  I guess they don't want to be lugging heavy ones in and out on a daily basis.

They also don't have patio heaters like Cafe Mabo so it was a little chilly but not enough to warrant going inside.

So there we were, me sitting back in my chair, legs crossed under the table and Matt leaning forwards, elbows on the table, hands clasped around the glass containing his double tall latte to keep them warm.

Chatting and laughing like we'd known each other for ages.

Suddenly my leg gave one of those involuntary jerks (you know the ones, no particular reason for them at all).

My knee hit the underside of the table causing it to jump up and Matt, elbows still on the bloody table to throw coffee all over himself, cut his lip on the glass and chip a f*cking tooth!!!

Even in my great experience of dating disasters have I never managed to pull off the TRIPLE whammy before!!!

I'm not sure if Matt and I will chance a second date.

I think we might just leave it a while until he's a) seen a dentist and b) the swellings gone down ....

All in all I have to say it still wasn't the worst first date I'VE ever been on ;)

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