Today

I've had one of those days :(

 

Nothing but junk mail and bills in the post.

 

There has been a steady drizzle all day and I got cold and wet walking the dog.

 

I popped round to see a friend who took a photo of me to try out his new camera and I looked HIDEOUS!!

 

I've mentioned my gurning tendencies before, well, they were well and truly to the forefront today (no, I will NOT be sharing, it's been deleted ;).  It also made me very conscious of how bony I look around my collor bone and above my chest.  Just when I was starting to feel a little more positive about my weight (which yes, is slowly going up:).

 

I sent an email which, having re-read it, sounds far more abrasive than I'd intended. It doesn't say what I wanted to say- almost as though the words are right but in the wrong order or something.  I don't really know what to do about that ...

 

I've had a couple of text messages from Matt and arranged to meet him for a drink tomorrow night when I guess we will have that 'can we just be friends chat'.

 

No doubt I'll manage to get that all wrong too.

 

I've just been a little pissed off with myself.

 

I don't think I've said or done anything today that's done me much justice.

 

BUT, just as I was having a really good 'beating myself up' session (not literally you understand ;), two things happened:

 

1)  Miss Mac came home from school with this!

 

 

Lemon cheesecake

Guaranteed to cheer me up!

 

Then, later, THIS dropped through the door:

 

 

A thank you card

From Surfer Dude (and I can't tell you how unexpected that was!) thanking ME for a lovely weekend!

 

I mean, HE took me to the beach.  HE was the one who turned it all around for me when I'd been dreading it.  Yet he is the one thanking me?

 

Such a lovely message in the card too.  I won't put it all down, it wasn't written for anyone else to read so that would be wrong but I have asked him and he doesn't mind if I share this bit with you:

 

'Thank you for a lovely weekend.  You are fun to be with and have such an easy smile. You are a good person to spend time with'

 

Suddenly I started to feel a little better about myself!

 

I mean, how lovely is THAT??

 

For someone like surfer dude to hold me in such high regard I guess must mean that I'm not so bad after all and maybe the recipient of that email won't think I'm a complete arse either (well, no more than they already know I am anyway ;).

 

Then, this evening (yes, there is more!)  I got this message on Badoo (I've blanked out the personal stuff):

 

Hi Sarah, I wanted to send you a message last week but it seems you were getting a lot of attention that day so thought best to wait until the guys worked out that you're not the only girl in the world and had calmed down a little. I'd love to chat with you sometime . I live over the hill from you in N....... and work at ..............as a clinical team lead nurse. Anyway, I hope to hear from you and btw that pic of you sitting on the rock is lovely. Reminiscent of the little mermaid in Copenhagen! Fabulous! Hope to hear, M.........

 

No, no, NO - nice as he sounds, I will not be responding for two very good reasons.

 

One, I still need to come to some understanding with Matt and it would seem all wrong to reply and two, like I said, too much on my plate and I've realised I'm just not up for it right now and it's unfair to pretend that I am.

 

So for now my profile has been removed from Badoo (although with their track record it could well be back up again tomorrow!).

 

Maybe sometime I'll consider it again but not just now.