fudge

Friday, 20 January 2012

Today

I've had one of those days :(
 
Nothing but junk mail and bills in the post.
 
There has been a steady drizzle all day and I got cold and wet walking the dog.
 
I popped round to see a friend who took a photo of me to try out his new camera and I looked HIDEOUS!!
 
I've mentioned my gurning tendencies before, well, they were well and truly to the forefront today (no, I will NOT be sharing, it's been deleted ;).  It also made me very conscious of how bony I look around my collor bone and above my chest.  Just when I was starting to feel a little more positive about my weight (which yes, is slowly going up:).
 
I sent an email which, having re-read it, sounds far more abrasive than I'd intended. It doesn't say what I wanted to say- almost as though the words are right but in the wrong order or something.  I don't really know what to do about that ...
 
I've had a couple of text messages from Matt and arranged to meet him for a drink tomorrow night when I guess we will have that 'can we just be friends chat'.
 
No doubt I'll manage to get that all wrong too.
 
I've just been a little pissed off with myself.
 
I don't think I've said or done anything today that's done me much justice.
 
BUT, just as I was having a really good 'beating myself up' session (not literally you understand ;), two things happened:
 
1)  Miss Mac came home from school with this!
 
 
Lemon cheesecake
Guaranteed to cheer me up!
 
Then, later, THIS dropped through the door:
 
 
A thank you card


From Surfer Dude (and I can't tell you how unexpected that was!) thanking ME for a lovely weekend!
 
I mean, HE took me to the beach.  HE was the one who turned it all around for me when I'd been dreading it.  Yet he is the one thanking me?
 
Such a lovely message in the card too.  I won't put it all down, it wasn't written for anyone else to read so that would be wrong but I have asked him and he doesn't mind if I share this bit with you:
 
'Thank you for a lovely weekend.  You are fun to be with and have such an easy smile. You are a good person to spend time with'
 
Suddenly I started to feel a little better about myself!
 
I mean, how lovely is THAT??
 
For someone like surfer dude to hold me in such high regard I guess must mean that I'm not so bad after all and maybe the recipient of that email won't think I'm a complete arse either (well, no more than they already know I am anyway ;).
 
Then, this evening (yes, there is more!)  I got this message on Badoo (I've blanked out the personal stuff):
 
Hi Sarah, I wanted to send you a message last week but it seems you were getting a lot of attention that day so thought best to wait until the guys worked out that you're not the only girl in the world and had calmed down a little. I'd love to chat with you sometime . I live over the hill from you in N....... and work at ..............as a clinical team lead nurse. Anyway, I hope to hear from you and btw that pic of you sitting on the rock is lovely. Reminiscent of the little mermaid in Copenhagen! Fabulous! Hope to hear, M.........
 
No, no, NO - nice as he sounds, I will not be responding for two very good reasons.
 
One, I still need to come to some understanding with Matt and it would seem all wrong to reply and two, like I said, too much on my plate and I've realised I'm just not up for it right now and it's unfair to pretend that I am.
 
So for now my profile has been removed from Badoo (although with their track record it could well be back up again tomorrow!).
 
Maybe sometime I'll consider it again but not just now.

14 comments:

joeh said...

Am I missing something? Why do you not think Surfer Dude is into you big time?

Cranky

Lou said...

Cheesecake looks really scrummy, its worth having a down day just to have that to cheer you up.

Quite right that surfer dude should thank you - it may have been his idea but you graced him with your wonderful presence so a thank you is justified methinks.

I understand completely about he dating thing - but bear in mind the odd escapist moment can be extremely beneficial to ones general well being....so keep it on the back burner just in case you feel the need to have someone spend an afternoon or evening telling you how wonderful you are!

Off to go and try and russle something up for dinner. Took osmething out of the freezer and have no clue what it is - it was just something tomatoey in tupperware - could be either chilli or bolognaise.....who knows.

Lou :-)
x

Sarah Mac said...

Well that's stopped me in my tracks Joe ..., I now want to say things like blimey and gosh ... and, do you think?

Sarah Mac said...

The cheesecake was great Lou - I now have a challenger for my 'Cheesecake Queen' title :).

Haha, I tink you may be a little bias ;) It's me who should be thanking him. He has been fantastic over the last month or so, a real lifesaver!

I guess I just worry about leading someone on - it seems incredibly egotistical to assume that anyone I go out for a drink with would automatically want more than just friendship but it's defininf that without sounding like you are completely up yourself or making a complete prat of yourself that I a) dred and b) am so good at :)

Could be rhubarb Lou - believe me I've been there! x

Sarah Mac said...

Ok, some I'm off to have another rant at those blogger people about allowing you to edit bloody comments so you can correct spelling mistakes ...

E. said...

A cheesecake and a card? That would certainly improve my day.

I hope you can sort out what's going on with you and Matt. And Surfer Dude.

Good luck (hopefully Badoo won't try to offer you up again).

Sarah Mac said...

Both went a very long way to improving my day E :)

I'm not too worried about Matt - so far we have only shared a coffee, a lunch and a trip to the dentist (ok, technically we didn't share that one).

If he's happy to be friends then great, if not ... well, I'll live.

Surfer Dude leaves me a little more confused - it's entirely possible that I've been so self absorbed that I've completely missed something there ... I don't know ...

As for Badoo, well, I seem to have as much control over that as I do the rest of my life right now so I'll just go with the flow :)

Kelloggsville said...

you must reply to M..... to say you are busy and possibly engaged right now but it was a cool response under other circumstances. It must be so disheartening for blokes to send out messages and just get nothing in return, it happens lots. Think I missed a chapter with Surfer Dude. Guess I need to go back surf. Did you get flowers too?

Sarah Mac said...

God K you're right - he does at least deserve to have his message acknowledged - yep,I will thank him for it and leave it at that for now.

No flowers but SD does bring me eggs :)

Surfer Dude has appeared in a couple of posts but 'So Many Unfinished Posts' a few weeks ago was almost entirely dedicated to him.

Catherine said...

The cheesecake would have been enough to make me happy but a nice card as well? All is well!

And you are my Rosetta Stone- what is gurning?

danneromero said...

the unexpected, the good kind anyway, is always uplifting...

Sarah Mac said...

All was pretty good at that moment in time Catherine.

Ah, gurning ... well ... you have given me an idea, watch tis space :)

It really was was a much needed lift on that day danneremero.

Claire said...

I like the sound of SD and I agree thata wee response to Badoo guy would be nice since it probably took a lot of courage to actually send a message.

It does sound like you have a lot going on for you right now. x

Sarah Mac said...

I do Claire which is the main reason for not adding anything else. Ive sent Badoo Guy a message back.

SD is great, Im really lucky to have him around. X