fudge

Monday, 19 March 2012

A Public Flogging

Or was it?

It certainly felt like it on the first reading of a posting on my FB wall tonight.

I felt like I'd been slapped around the face, kicked down the stairs, and, for good measure, stripped  naked and hung out to dry.

So, what made me feel like that?

This did:

Only those that are truly selfish can spot selfishness in others and because of that I'm telling you to stop being so selfish - Fudge is not for you and it's not for SA - you've become a writer whether you like it or not and as a writer you have a duty to write for others - Fudge has an audience that needs to be fed (and I'm very tempted to put this in the comments section so the hungry ones can add their voices to it....)
· · See friendship · about an hour ago



The trouble with all forms of  electronic communication is that it's open to interpretation.

I read into it:

'you are a  self absorbed, selfish bitch, stop wallowing and get a life'

My first reaction was to say:

'fuck off, walk a mile in MY shoes before you dare to judge me or pretend to understand me at all'.

But, I had to concede, that there might have been a valid point hidden in there somewhere and, had it been said face to face then facial expression, tone of voice, the myriad of things that we, at our most basic level require, then maybe it would have felt less of an attack and more as slightly heavy handed encouragement (which possibly was needed, I don't know).

God, when did I get so wise?? ;)

Anyway, I decided that the intention probably hadn't been to leave me feeling quite so battered. That possibly they hadn't fully understood the personal turmoil I'd been going through regarding this or the very real wrench it would be for me to give it up.

Like I said in my previous post.  I hadn't intended it to be attention seeking.  I wasn't looking for anything really.  I was, as ever, putting my thoughts down and trying to make sense of things. 

I didn't want my blog to be one of those that just stops one day with no explanation.  I'm sure we've all experienced that and it's like losing a good friend, it's heartbreaking.

So, I said I'd think about it (and I will).  I may take a break from Fudge.  I have even set up a new blog although I haven't written any posts yet.

It kind of feels like I'm sleeping around though (there is a certain irony in that for anyone that knows me ;).

Maybe this is just a natural stage of blogging, maybe it's just a natural stage of me.

Am I selfish?

On a day to day basis I hope not.

I don't think I am.

But maybe I am being in this instance.

So, lets just say I'm taking some time out.  I may even dabble a little with the second blog (I'll keep you posted on that).

But I'll be around.

People Don't Eat Enough Fudge is a part of me now, it's woven it's way into my fabric.

The good, the bad and the downright fucking ugly!

7 comments:

Lou said...

Sarah

There are many bloggers who list their occupation as writer - any many of these writers write elsewhere as well as on their blog.

Would it be any more right or wrong for you to stop writing 'fudge' and deprive your faithful followers of their daily dose of you?

Can you not do both? I would love to read some of your 'serious' writing as well as enjoy a laugh and a giggle and sometimes a serious posting on here.

Whilst I have to agree that you have a talent for fiction - you also have a talent for writing about life - and I would really miss you if 'Fudge' were to be no more..

Lou :-)

Belinda said...

Seriously?

You don't owe anything to anyone. Yes, people enjoy reading your writing and checking in, I am one of them. But I would not be so selfish to say "hey, You OWE ME A BLOG cause I like you and shit, keep writing or else you are a POO HEAD".

It's your life, your ideas and your writing. You can stop whenever you want or mould it into whatever you want. If people want to rage quit because you aren't pandering to their wants, then they weren't respectful of who you are in the first place.

At the end of the day, the ONLY person you have to answer to is you. Don't let someone targeting your soft spot to change what you want, because it's not about them. Ever.

Sarah said...

Thank you Lou and Belinda - it's a bit of a conmundrum isn't it?

I don't think giving up writing completely was ever an option for me, not on a long term basis. I already have things I want to write about.

I also think, having slept on it, that I was perhaps a little guilty of just focussing on the word 'selfish' in that message which felt pretty hurtful as that wasn't my intention and I don't want to be percieved as that.

This morning it seems a little less harsh and a little more like someone who knows pretty well, who knows how important this is to me and does give a damn giving me a kick up the backside rather than a slap in the face.

My frinds on FB are there purely because they are just that, my friends, and all have different ways of showing it.

I guess only a good friend can slap you down publically and still be your friend and I'm pretty sure that's what we still are.

I hope so.

This post isn't in any way intended to be some kind of retalliation - it only exists on the suggestion (actually, it might have been more of an order ;) from the person who wrote the comment saying that I should publish it on my blog.

Ok, I'm going to put all this to one side for now - I will still be writing either here or at the new blog - (link to follow if and when I ever write a post for it ;).

I think what I take from it is that although these may be my thoughts, my experiences,my life and my words, I've chosen to share and so everyone who reads them is entitled to share their thoughs on them too.

You know what?

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Kelloggsville said...

Hmmm I don't need to be fed, I can feed myself thank you very muchly. I formed a friendship with you whilst fudge was here, it will be sad to lose it but friendship is about letting your friend do what they need to do to be happiest and accepting that and being happy for them. :) I don't understand the detail, the subtle inferences, what SA is etc but I do understand support and knowing that there is someone wholly unconnected that is prepared to say 'hey, that sounds like a shitty feeling you had right there, hugs and a cup of tea' makes a difference. Sending hugs and a cup of tea xx

Sarah said...

It was a pretty shitty feeling K but I'll also acknowledge that it probably was an overreaction and I seriously don't think the intention was to make me feel like that.

Maybe it was because I care about this persons opinion of me that I reacted so strongly.

There are many reasons why I'm feeling like this right now and possibly I should just have kept my counsel until the feeling had passed.

God forbid I start sounding like some kind of vacuous, attention seeking, drama queen (assuming I don't already!)

But I will reiterate that although I'm struggling to complete posts that I'm happy with right now I'm not gone. If I'm not writing either here or at the new blog for a while then I'll still be reading and commenting.

The friendships I've formed here are very important to me and I have no intention of leting them go just as the friendships I have outside of my blog mean a great deal to me too.

ps - SA is an acronym for Smart Arse - a name I gave to someone who was a driving force behind Fudge at the very begining and who has appeared in one form or another in many of my posts.

It's so late and I'm so bloody tired and this in in danger of turning into a post of it's own.

You know what? I'm as guilty as the next person of sometimes saying what I think without fully appreciating how it could be misconstrude so I'm going to appreciate the fact that anything was said at all and get over myself.

Thank you K, I think a cuppa and a hug was just what I was needing. xx

The Lake House Writer said...

I actually think that person was paying you a huge compliment. clearly they and we love your writing!

on a personal note, I think you should disconnect the internet and write that bloody romance novel.

Sarah said...

I think you are right LHW - I think I frustrate this person at times and it was meant to be more of a shake to get me back on track. But as I said, that can be the trouble with electronic ommunication, things can be misunderstood.

I cant rewrite my post or reaction but maybe sometime we will get to actually talk about if face to face and put the record straight, I hope so.

I will give the novel some serious thought :) I'd like to base it on what I alredy have but I need to put that in order first. x