Thursday, 1 March 2012

Answers On A Postcard

I've got into the habit of late of asking (what appears to be)  the unanswerable on Facebook.

(don't panic, I'm not going to go into the whole 'the reason I don't really like Facebook debate yet again ;).

I do find the answers I get sometimes insightful and often disturbing but that's kinda the way I like my friends.

So I thought I'd have a little bit of a trawl back (ho hum, just one of the things I find a chore on FB) and post a few of the questions here and see if any of you might have any thoughts ...

I call it 'Questions I Ask Myself' (how cool and original is that!! ;).

1. How does a dress that looks too small on the hanger managed to not only be too big but also make my arse look huge?

2.  If my conditioner contains olive, avocado and shea oils then why does my hair smell of fecking bananas?

3.   If a cat comes into your bedroom and sits on your drawers biting it's claws really loudly, would it be justifiable to punch it?

4.  'Is it absolutely essential to to dress before going out for lunch - or would it be acceptable to wrap my duvet around me and accessorise it with a nice belt?'

These are just a few that I've asked with varying responses.  There are so many other questions that I haven't asked but I do ponder.

For instance:

Is there any way back after handing a bag of warm dog shit to the school receptionist?

Should I explain that the subtle difference between a quiff and a queef isn't just a matter of spelling but give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'bad hair day' to Miss Mac?

Do you know the answers?

Do you ever ask yourself questions?


Kelloggsville said...

Do you want answers?

1) a) because everyone is crap at correctly perceiving their size and b) becuase you don't eat enough cake - simples
2)Chemical mixture - it could be worse it could take your common theme : shit
3)yes - or if you feel kinder try the cognative approach and wrap an elastic band around it's face and every time it bites twang the band :)
4)Do you feel like being taken to a mental instituation today? If the answer to this is "hell why not" then go ahead baby accessorise that duvet

I ask myself many questions but the voices rarely answer me directly.

ps the answer to th ebag of shit question is "nope" - it's dark glasses all the way now

Anonymous said...

Lol @ Sarah

You are too funny...You already know my opinion in the duvet so we won't venture there....The dress is huge and makes your backside look big because it is one of those sneaky dresses designed specifically to expand into huge volumes as soon as it goes over your head or you step into it, and the making your bum look big is just cos thats where most of the aformentioned volume is hiding out....

Have you smelt Shea butter and Olive Oil and all that other stuff when it's mixed together? You'd add a strong hint of banana too otherwise it would never sell....lol

Sadly, as much as I would want to punch the cat too - it will only strike back at you if you do, and remember the occasion forever as one where you were wrong and they were vindicated...cats are queen you know this, so put the damn thing out and don't let it back it, that should cool its courage.

Ho hum....I am off to ponder some burning questions of my own now..that's if I can think of any today...it's one of those weird days methinks.

Lou :-)

Claire said...

I think a duvet dress is a great idea. Can't be worse than those snuggies. x