Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Scary Squrrels And Sleeping With One Hand On Your Nuts

To be honest, there hasn't been a lot of sleep happening around these parts the last couple of weeks.

If it's not me waking up for reasons unknown or because my back has started playing up a little again and wakes me when I turn over in my sleep then it's SD tossing and turning.

Whatever the reason I seem to be woken up several times a night at the moment.

I asked SD how he slept the other morning.

'Not great' he said, 'I had a terrible dream!'

'God, what happened?' I asked. 'Did you dream someone chopped off your arm with a hacksaw and chased you down the road brandishing it? - Did you dream you jumped out of a plane and when you looked up you realised that your parachute was made out of marshmallow? - Were you hiding under a bush while a giant cat with fangs stalked you?


SD looked at me a little oddly ...

'Ummm, no ...'

'A really pissed off squirrel jumped through the sunroof of the van ...'

I looked at SD a little oddly ...

Really, as bad dreams go I think you might agree that I have the upper hand here ...

But there was MORE!!!

The squirrel had apparently been quite happy throwing chestnuts (still in their prickly cases) at passing cars from the safety of his tree and chuckling to himself.

Fairly innocuous wouldn't you agree?

Anyway, SD's mistake had been to laugh at how bad a shot the squirrel was as he passed by.

Apparently the squirrel had clocked him making fun of his aim and waited until he drove past again before tipping a wheelbarrow FULL of chestnuts onto the van.

Unfortunately the squirrels aim was still shit and he peaked to early and tipped them all over the road whereupon SD drove over them laughing.

This incensed the squirrel SO much that he launched himself at the van intending to jump on to the roof.

Even more unfortunately he hadn't spotted the open sunroof so he fell right into the van.

'But what happened NEXT???' I wanted to know ...

'Well, then I woke up'  said SD ...

Seriously, if SD considers THAT to be a bad dream he really hasn't lived - even my giant oxo cube was more menacing don't you think?


Val said...

How mundane! Only last night, I dreamed I was in England (but I didn't know it) with a butler pulling a long antenna out of my cell phone, with an umbrella thingy at the top, so I could listen to my son Genius on a radio talk show back home. Genius was famous because he was flying a little plane across the country, and had dive-bombed some divers in the Mississippi while executing a roll about two feet above the water.

Now THAT'S a dream.

But yours still have mine beat.

joeh said...

Sometimes Mrs. C wakes up from a dream angry at me. I tell her I am not responsible for anything I do in her dreams...she still stays angry for a while!

Sarah said...

Now THAT really is a dream Val, SD needs to step up his game to keep up with us!

Tricky one Joe, I mean, you might have done SOMETHING that prompted the dream in the first place which could make you partly responsible couldn't it ...

ann said...

I love hearing other peoples dreams!! How annoying he woke up!!

Sarah said...

Tell me about it Ann - I'd have made up an ending or something if it had been mine!