It's A Jungle Out There

Albeit a very domesticated one in this case.

I sat this morning as I always do when it's dry, in my garden on the step leading to the decking underneath the archway covered in Jasmine.  It's my favourite place to drink a cup of tea before the day starts proper.

I'm actually on my 5th cup of tea of the day and it's only 10:15am but a steaming hot cup of tea seems to be the only thing that makes this cold bearable at the moment, I'm like some kind of tea drinking chain smoker, the kettle's on before  my tea hits the half way mark in the mug.

Anyway, as I was siting there something hard DROPPED on my head!  A snail had obviously misjudged the edge of a leaf or something and bounced off my (rather springy it has to be said) bed hair before hitting the ground with a gentle thud.

I was actually quite proud of myself, I'm kind of like a paramedic for gastropods!  Had I NOT been there the fall would surely have cracked that poor snails shell and he would have died a lingering death.

10 minutes later as I walked back out to the garden with cup of tea number 3 I felt a crunch under my slipper (NOT SD's stolen slipper socks which I learned from bitter experience do NOT hold up well to being worn outside but rather the sturdy pair with proper soles that SD bought me after the demise of his last pair of slipper socks) - Ooops ...  Well at least I gave that snail several minutes of extra time AND saved him from a lingering death so maybe NOT a paramedic but at the very least a well meaning first aider or something ...

After I'd carefully wiped the snail juice from the tread of my slipper I went inside to catch up on my emails and make a restorative cup of tea (restorative to me of course - the poor snail was past the restoration stage).  Within minutes Postie (the little black cat who got caught up in the barbed wire and cost SD a fortune in vets bills) who has now for some reason been re-christened Chicken by Miss Mac wandered in to the dining room making those noises that tell you a cat has brought you a 'gift'!

I hate it when that happens ...

She was SO insistent that I thought I'd better go and have a look, after all, Postie/Chicken had so far NEVER brought anything in so this was clearly a big deal for her.

At first I couldn't see what all the fuss was about, she was shouting and yowling and looking SO pleased with herself that I thought she must have tackled a deer at the very least but no, as she moved aside, there it was on the carpet - a WORM - all those hunting skills passed down generations of farm cats clearly wasted on her.

I DID get a photo of the worm but I can't post it because when I looked at the photo it was fairly clear that my carpet was in need of a hoover which is a real shame because the photo would have made a nice change on FB from all the boring holiday photos people have been posting lately don't you think?

Anyway, Squishy, my other cat (also funnily enough named by Miss Mac) clearly felt this usurper needed putting in her place - after all, it's HER job to provide me with presents and anything Chicken can do she can do bigger, better and more disgustingly (believe me, I clean out the litter tray so I KNOW that's true!).

So she brought me a RAT and left it just outside the kitchen door before stalking off as though to say, 'I don't need to make a song and dance about it - just know your place bitch'!

I'm saying it was a rat, to be honest, I'm never really sure, it was about the same size as a mouse but it had long hair (that's a rat right?).  Again, I didn't get a photo of it because it's a RAT!!!

I did leave it there for a bit hoping that she would take it away again.  Normally SD (what with being brought up on a farm and all) would dispose of things like that but it's hours until he's back and I really didn't want to touch it.

When I looked out of the window Squishy was sitting with her back to the rat but bloody Chicken had decided it would be a really cool thing to play with and she was tossing it up in the air before running after it and throwing it again.  Clearly she was trying to pretend it was HER kill but Squishy and I both knew the truth.

I tore off half a roll of kitchen paper (just as well SD wasn't there - he is obsessed with how much kitchen paper I get through - if he had his way I'm pretty sure I'd never use any and it would just sit there on the side as decoration!) scooped the rat up, ran to the bin and put it in then spent the next 10 minutes fumigating my hands.

I think I need another cup of tea ...