Having a bit of a poke around the blog and I found this post from a few years back.
It made me giggle so I thought I'd share it and see if it made you giggle too.
This evening I attended a council meeting.
For those of you who don't know, I belong to an action group for our local park.
We do a little fund raising. A little bulb planting. A little bench painting ect.
things that make our park a nicer place and ensure that the local
council have a vested interest in keeping it looking good ie WE KNOW
WHERE THEY LIVE!!!
God councilors are (for the most part) boring old farts!
went along with Den. I shall call him Den, not necessarily because
that's his name but because that's what I choose to call him.
In fact, I shall call him Dirty Den or DD or ... no ... I shall call him Double D!!!
Ok, Double D (which is NOT his real name) and I rocked up at about 6:20 for a 6:30 start.
He is a truly crap driver btw with a truly crap car.
got in the bastard thing, went to shut the door and the whole door
panel damn near came off in my hand (my bloody finger nail DID come
He also drove half the way so busy
slagging off the Christmas lights in town (they aren't THAT bad) that he
totally forgot to turn HIS lights on.
driver with a shitty car he may be but I'm really rather fond of him and
I love that fact that he's so far out of place in a council meeting
it's like being there with an alien from another planet and that cheers me
up no end.
Like I said, they are a bunch of boring farts.
Double D kept asking what I was scribbling on my note pad before the meeting had even started.
Blog fodder I hissed (he has NO idea what a blog is bless him).
Have you seen his braces?
Pull those babies any higher and he'll be wearing his testicles as earings!
Better still, twang them and see if his nipples fly off said Double D.
I snorted VERY loudly at that point not realising that as I was leaning forward I was depressing the talk button on my microphone.
I sooo wanted to take pictures of them all for you.
That's another thing!!
damn room was set up like the House of Commons. All state of the art
whatnots, no WONDER the bloody roads are full of pot holes, I SEE where
my council tax goes!!
Anyway, I digress ...
I'd love to just photocopy and scan my scribbles for you complete with
doodles but they are so bad even I struggle to decipher them.
started off with a friendly debate about when they would be getting
their year book (the councilors bible that tells them all the meeting
dates, who's who, who THEY are ect).
It transpired that
a couple had already got them. Much 'poor show' and 'ye gads' followed
as those who had one flourished them and those who didn't looked on in
That was until it transpire that this year THERE WAS NO RIBBON!!
What effing ribbon?
The one to place in between the pages so you don't lose your place of course.
They seemed to lose some of their kudos after that and much grumbling and threats of 'having words' were uttered.
Apparently it was a money saving initiative.
OF COURSE, they have to pay for f*cking state of the art conference rooms SOMEHOW don't they?
Then there was the discussion about the clocks in the room.
One told the correct time, the other appeared to be stuck at 5 to 5.
'Wasn't that the time Blue Peter used to start?' Said the mayor (I shit you not, it was the mayor!)
No, said Cllr ESP (and yes, those ARE his real initials;) That was Cracker Jack.
The magistrate at the back (who had been peacefully dozing) suddenly
piped up, 'we have to pay for our own effing year books you know, you
should think yourselves lucky!.
She then went promptly back to sleep for the rest of the meeting.
Chair, cllr f*ckwit (yeees, that's HIS real name too :) apologised for
sounding like he came from Wolverhampton but he had a slight cold
(difficult one that if you dont know what a Wolverhampton accent sounds
They then discussed the merits of having a calender printed next year.
we were going to do that piped up the deputy mayor but the cost was
astronomical so we are having a series of tea towels printed instead (I
shit you not!!;).
Briefly the possibility of having the
cllrs do it WI style, ie naked was considered but it was generally
agreed that no one really wanted to see them at all ... ever ... even
fully clothed let alone in the buff .
This was all by the way BEFORE the meeting proper started.
We were there to discuss the Diamond Jubilee celebrations and to ensure that events didn't encroach or overlap.
betide anyone trying to steal a rise over the Eggbuckland egg throwing
competition or the Welland wheelbarrow race with (chortle) REAL
Personally I thought the Wellington wife
wanging competition and the Thurloxton toast tossing events sounded
like MUCH more fun. (I may or may not be lying about any or ALL of this
They then started banging on about lighting the beacons which was all a little boring tbh.
Should they just be official ones or could we all build bloody great bonfires in our back gardens?
they would have been lit at the top of churches but sadly health and
safety and insurance ect pretty much rules that out these days.
I did have a little chuckle when concerns were expressed that this bureaucracy, gone mad might, 'weaken the beacon' :)
was then a long diatribe from a bloke I could have sworn wasn't English
but according to Double D it was just that he had so many plums in his
mouth he could barely speak at all.
No idea what he was banging on about.
Midway through it all I had a sudden craving for Coronation Chicken.
WTF was that all about??
haven't had Coronation Chicken since the 1987 Boxing Day turkey curry
buffet at Aunty Alices (and even then it was turkey, not chicken) .
Anyway, I think I got down most of the salient points.
Perhaps I should just email this post to our secretary?
That'll teach her to go herself next time!