I've so much more to say but time is short today and, to be honest, cathartic though it is to tell my story, it's also draining.
Having to remember painful things from the past, things I would rather not re-live but things that are always there spoken or unspoken is hard.
I have to remember these things even if I don't blog about them. The blogging part isn't the hard part. The fact that they exist to be blogged about is the hard part.
There are distractions though. Small things that mean so much.
The book that Audrey gave me. I'll treasure that book and I'll use it. I'm going to keep it in the cabinet I'm in the process of renovating (blog post on that and other things soon).
Yesterday Miss Mac was late home from college.
I know she's 18 now and I know she has her own life to lead. I don't think I'm an over anxious parent. I like to think I give her just the right amount of freedom while still showing an interest in her life.
But I like to know where she is, that she is safe, that she is happy, that she is ok.
So I send her a text.
'Hey Pops' (Pops is my nickname for her) 'What time you home xx'
'Won't be long' she replies 'just having a wander around town,' and I breath easy again. She is ok, she is safe.
An hour or so later she is home.
'I bought you a present' she tells me.
'You've been so sad lately, I wanted to cheer you up - I hope you like it but, if you don't I can change it'.
What's not to like?
What's not to LOVE about the pretty, delicate silver ring with tiny flowers?
I don't like to think that my Pops worries about me but I know she is grown up enough now to understand, to be told what is happening and how I feel.
I don't want her to feel responsible for me, it's still my job to look after her but I do love the beautiful, caring, thoughtful young woman she has become and, like Audrey's book, this ring is something I will always treasure.