Obviously, being me, I was completely oblivious to this fact!!!
(You may have noticed that I am
But surely there would have been some kind of sign if I was??
Toilet seat up? Check.
Remote hidden down the side of the sofa? Check.
Boxer shorts on the floor next to the washing basket but not quite in it? Check
Empty milk carton in the fridge? Check.
Ok, well that almost had ME convinced until (thank god) I remembered I had a 13 year old, man in the making in the shape of Master Mac in the house!
So it was starting to look like I'd been FB fraped, but at 4am the prime culprits (my children) had been fast asleep in bed.
Until I noticed that my email inbox was overflowing with new messages and then, slowly all became clear!
That bloody dating link on FB - Badoo had yet again reactivated my account (which I didn't intentionally open in the first place).
Not only that, they had somehow updated my relationship status AND posted several of my FB profile pics onto their website!!
FFS, do they not REMEMBER the tirade this let loose upon them last time they did that to me?
Have they forgotten my promise to remove their gentiles with a blunt instrument and pelt them to death with their bruised and bloodied balls if they took liberties with me ever again?
It's not like I have a problem with dating websites per se. I did after all sign up to one in the past but I DID NOT sign up to Badoo!!
I did however pop on for a bit to have a nose and check out my messages though (just so I could confront those Badoo people with a few facts you understand ...... ;)
In the space of the last 12 hours or so it seems that I have gone from a big, red thumbs down (popularity VERY low - nobody loves you) to a big green thumbs up (popularity very high - you are a goddess amongst women).
94 men have viewed my profile.
87 want to meet me.
32 have added me as a favourite.
And I have 61 unread messages.
Phew, must have been a slow night!!
But then I started thinking ...
Hang on a minute - 94 have viewed my profile and yet only 87 wanted to meet me?
Does that mean 7 men looked at me and found me wanting???
How fucking DARE they!
And why did only 32 add me as a favourite? Do they not know I am a goddess!!!
I am VERY tempted to message them and ask them what exactly IS their problem!
Meanwhile I'm hiding out at home terrified to go to the Supermarket in case I bump in to any of them!
Badoo - hold on to your balls because I'm coming to get you!