Sunday, 11 December 2011


At 4:09am this morning I was 'In a relationship'

Obviously, being me, I was completely oblivious to this fact!!!

(You may have noticed that I am really fucking ever so slightly dense when it comes to matters of the heart)

But surely there would have been some kind of sign if I was??

Toilet seat up?  Check.

Remote hidden down the side of the sofa?  Check.

Boxer shorts on the floor next to the washing basket but not quite in it?  Check

Empty milk carton in the fridge?  Check.

Ok, well that almost had ME convinced until (thank god) I remembered I had a 13 year old, man in the making in the shape of Master Mac in the house!

So it was starting to look like I'd been FB fraped, but at 4am the prime culprits (my children) had been fast asleep in bed.

Curious ...

Until I noticed that my email inbox was overflowing with new messages and then, slowly all became clear!

That bloody dating link on FB -  Badoo had yet again reactivated my account (which I didn't intentionally open in the first place).

Not only that, they had somehow updated my relationship status AND posted several of my FB profile pics onto their website!!

FFS, do they not REMEMBER the tirade this let loose upon them last time they did that to me?

Have they forgotten my promise to remove their gentiles with a blunt instrument and pelt them to death with their bruised and bloodied balls if they took liberties with me ever again?

It's not like I have a problem with dating websites per se.  I did after all sign up to one in the past but I DID NOT sign up to Badoo!!

I did however pop on for a bit to have a nose and check out my messages though (just so I could confront those Badoo people with a few facts you understand ......  ;)

In the space of the last 12 hours or so it seems that I have gone from a big, red thumbs down (popularity VERY low - nobody loves  you) to a big green thumbs up (popularity very high - you are a goddess amongst women).

94 men have viewed my profile.

87 want to meet me.

32 have added me as a favourite.

And I have  61 unread messages.

Phew, must have been a slow night!!

But then I started thinking ...

Hang on a minute - 94 have viewed my profile and yet only 87 wanted to meet me?

Does that mean 7 men looked at me and found me wanting???

How fucking DARE they!

And why did only 32 add me as a favourite?  Do they not know I am a goddess!!!

I am VERY tempted to message them and ask them what exactly IS their problem!

Meanwhile I'm hiding out at home terrified to go to the Supermarket in case I bump in to any of them!

Badoo - hold on to your balls because I'm coming to get you!


Anonymous said...

OMG Sarah you do make me laugh.....If it was me I would just be grateful that anyone had wanted to meet me, and then just keep my fingers crossed that at least one would have only 1 head, 10 toes, 10 fingers, and didn't live on a planet where purple grass grows etc etc and in other words was normal!!!

You are indeed a godess and 87 guys out there can see it and want it...sounds pretty positive to me...of course of the 87 who want to meet you - how many would you want to meet (see my earlier remark re purple grass)....lol

Lou :-)


Tat @ Mum in search said...

Oh, you are so popular.. And it's not that the other 7 didn't want you.. they just found you so fabulous that they were too shy to approach you!

Sarah said...

Ah, well, that's the thing Lou and to be honest, it take a pretty brave man to wander into my world :)

Sarah said...

Do you know - you may be on to something there Tat although I have to say, there was nothing shy about the message I just got from a 22 year old (22, OMFG!!).

Romina Garcia said...

Haha!! You are hilarious!! Fuck those other seven. They obviously have their heads up their arse. Please please please go out on a random date and blog about it!!

Anonymous said...

double dare you.....

Sarah said...

Haha, you two are MEAN!!

I never could resist a dare though .... ;)

Tell you what - why don't I post a selection of messages and let YOU decide which one :)

Anna Millie said...

Funny, I was just thinking about Internet dating earlier. Not that I want to. I'm happily hitched.

Liking this dare!! Will be watching with interest.

Jay said...

Lmao! Sarah, why have you not yet written a book I can bloody well giggle my way through?

Go on a date! Let us choose! Huzzah!

pam said...

OO yes, let us choose! I bet the Badoozles won't be expecting to be judged by a cohort of Fudgers.

btw A 22 year old is a gift from God! Don't squander it.

Sarah said...

Watch this space Anna ;)

Ok Jayne, you're on - on Thursday I shall post a selection and whoever to wants can vote.

Haha PP - I'm not sure everyone is going to want to be part of a cohort of fudgers (altho personally I think it's a great tag).

22 and looked about 7!! I have stretchmarks older than him!

Anonymous said...


I'm a journalist in New York working on a story on Badoo. I'd LOVE to get in touch and hear more about your experience. The name of the program is Marketplace (marketplace.org). If you're interested please drop me a line at sherships@marketplace.org.


Mammasaurus said...

Pass that 22 year old my way my dear ;)