fudge

Sunday, 24 June 2012

What The Neighobour Said ...

Today The Lounge is is coming from Musings Of The Misguided and the theme is neighbours - well I don't have too many stories about my neighbours although they, I'm sure, have MANY about me!  I had a little root around the blog though and I found this one - I'm very pleased to say that this neighbour seems to have moved on since this ...



"Get your arse over here, I'm in the mood for sex!"

I paused, said arse in the air, head buried in the weeds (that's NOT a euphemism btw, I was weeding my front area - also not a euphemism ;).

Slowly I raised my head and peered over the wall.

Almost directly opposite me is a row of houses that runs parallel to my street and I overlook their back gardens.

The second house in the street is split into two flats, the one at the top has a balcony with steps leading down to the garden.

There he was, on the balcony, wearing just a pair of faded, cut off jeans and a big smile.

Bear in mind that I've never met this neighbour, it's one of those places with a high turn over of tenants and a somewhat dubious reputation.

For a moment I considered the possibility that the sensible course of action might be to just say, oh, ok then - after all, he knows where I live!!!

Then he stuck his hand down the front of his shorts and scratched!!!

You think that was bad enough?  Yep, so did I ...

He then examined his fingernails (just what did he find down there???) and said "come on baby, come over, I know you're gagging for it".

You know what?  Enough!!!

I stood up, I swear I expanded at least 3 dress sizes.  I was just about to vault effortlessly clamber over the wall trying not to fall flat on my face (what with all my increased girth and everything) when he turned his back to me laughing saying, "yeah, I knew you couldn't resist".

Can you believe this?  I swear I couldn't make this stuff up!

I'd like at this point to say that I've never been so insulted in my life but I think it's probably true to say I almost certainly have. But sometimes, well, sometimes you just have to make a stand don't you?

I squared my shoulders, assumed my best 'dont mess with me mofo expression' and prepared to give him a piece of my mind.

Then I noticed something ....

Not only had he carried on talking with his back to me but, there was something in his ear .....

Oh right, hands free set ....

Yep, I KNEW that ...

9 comments:

Rollercoaster Mum said...

eeeughh! Glad it wasn't directed at you though!

joeh said...

So...we've determined that you will not be swayed by a smooth talker.

Obviously a cold fish!

cranky

Kelloggs Ville said...

Just because he was wearing a headset and talking to himself as he turned does not mean he was on the phone! He has given a whole fresh outlook on scratch and sniff, although if there was residue I'm guessing he wasn't so fresh :) So just for one theoretical seconds,if hell freezes over, would you?

Sarah said...

You will never know how grateful I am for that RC Mum! ;-)

What can I say Joe - I guess Im just really hard to please :-)

Oh god K, did your have to ask me that!! Now I've got to consider it .....

Ok considered ... I think I can honestly say having my coil changed again is a far more appealing prospect!

Adventures of an Unfit Mother said...

Well that gave me a laugh! It sounds like there just wouldn't be a bargepole long enough for that charmer...

danneromero said...

funny! i've done that before.. responded to someone who was wearing an earpiece, talking to someone else... geez!

Sarah said...

Very tru AoaUM - in fact, I'd prefer the barge to be between us too! ;-)

Embarrasing isn't it Danneromero but a lucky escape in this case!

The Rambling Pages said...

God I've missed checking in on your blog! Gave nme a smile this morning, thanks

Sarah said...

Missed you too RP :-) x