fudge

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

What The Plumber Said ...

"You look like shit - for gods sake go and put some makeup on"

Not your average. every day greeting from blow torch wielding, pipe bending ...  ok, whatever, who am I trying to kid? 

He's a postman who masquerades as a plumber in his spare time but frankly, who the hell can afford a bona fida plumber who charges you eighty quid just for the pleasure of sitting in all day when he fails to show?

I may have looked like shit but he looked a million dollars. Smooth, frizz free hair, perfectly arched brows and killer heels.

If you're a little confused right now you could read this (go on, you know you want to - it's funny, honest!)  or, I could just explain that Nikki had come as his alter ego ...  errm Nikki!

The first time I met Nikki was when I was recovering from food poisoning.  He came and perched on my bed and explain how he'd felt drawn to ex lax (that would be my ex husband for those not in the know) the moment he'd seen him cluelessly wandering around the plumbing section of B&Q.

It was also my first introduction to Marley his fuck off great grey standard poodle who without so much as a 'don't mind if I do' jumped up on to my bed, put his head on the pillow and drooled all over my flannel pillow case!

It's an odd kind of relationship but there's something quite appealing about a man who can not only blow your pipes but also blow dry your hair ...

Moving on ....

I've finally succumbed to Twitter.  I resisted for such a long time, after all, do I really need something else to waste my time with?

It seems I do!

I'm loving it and becoming very proficient, I shall soon be writing my guide on how to ... crashing around totally out of control probably making a complete prat and nuisance of myself but so far no ones actually slapped me down which I'm taking as encouragement.

Oh, and I've been cleaning, well, more breaking stuff if I'm totally honest but it's similar isn't it?

I blame this new coil, I'm in hormone infused overdrive.  In the space of 24 hours I've ripped a length of wallpaper off my bedroom wall (couldn't resist that little bit that had come unstuck).  Pulled the bloody blind straight off the window.  Broken a vase of glass roses and almost flattened a kitten with a stack of Sainsburys magazines (see, if you followed me on Twitter you'd know all this stuff! ;) I've been covering myself, the carpet and even some walls in paint and I've emptied and average of 3 tonnes of cat shit out of the litter tray a day (these kittens are bloody prolific crappers!)

What I'm not doing much of is sleeping which bring me right back to the beginning and the reason I'm probably looking like shit so I've decided to let Nikki give me a make over, Im thinking something like this might be the way to go ...


I could SO pull this look off!

7 comments:

Kelloggs Ville said...

And will one be sharing ones twitter handle so we can follow the whole hair goes blue day blow by blow?

Sarah said...

but of course K - you can find me at sarahmac_1 - no promises on the hair but I have always had a yearning to go blue ...

Kelloggs Ville said...

I swear it was blue on the ipad, it looks purple on old bertha

Sarah said...

looks purple to me K but I quite fancy blue - I've punked my ponytail today just to get a feel for it - I like!!!

Gorilla Bananas said...

I never realised the coil had that effect on women. Maybe having sex will calm you down after you'd had the makeover.

Sarah said...

After a Nikki special makeover I might struggle to find anyone willing to have sex with me ;-)

Delfin Joaquin Paris III said...

I know a few guys that will easily be able to get past the blue/purple hair.

(The chick that thought it was blue is most likely color blind. Someone ought to have told her prior. Also, we are very sad for you just learning you are colorblind. There are support groups, I'm pretty sure.)