Thursday, 1 November 2012

A Final Fling

You know how I sometimes concieve this notion that I'm an expert on certain matters?

Well ... 

It happened again yesterday!

I was in Primark (and yes, I think we have established that I am no shopping snob).  Primarks great for somethings, socks, vest tops, the occasional pair of jeans because unlike some shops they actually come in longer lengths!

Anyhow, I've decided that I may have missed my vocation.

I'd be a GREAT personal shopper.

Example ....

There I was minding my own business, gaping in horror admiring some god awful leggings of the knitted/fair isle patterened variety (seriously, if you own a pair, Im sorry, but they are truly hideious!) when a woman turned to me with a jumper in her hand and asked me what I thought.

'That is so fucking awful' I replied, 'if you put it down and walk away as fast as you can right now I'll never tell anyone you even contemplated it for a moment ok!'

Her face registered a little shock and then a voice piped up behind me -

'Actually, I THINK she was talking to me!'

Ohhh ....

Ok, maybe NOT the best start to my new career (but I was right though ... ;).

So, back to the title of this post.

Last Saturday I headed off to Woolacombe Bay with SD for a final fling. 

Nah, not THAT kind of fling!!

It's a final get together at the end of the season (I would say summer but I think that's been left far behind us!).

Basically it's a giant piss up with about 300 people, lots of beer and a few bands.

It's also right on the top of a cliff by the sea, it's in October and it's the UK.

I stepped out of the car into winds that nearly sliced me in half!  It was fecking FREEZING!!!

But, it was the most beautiful day, blue skies and not a cloud to be seen.

We arrived at about 11am to find the party already in full swing, some people having arrived the night before and the beer flowing.

SD suggested that we take a stroll into town and get some lunch to line our stomachs before hitting the hard stuff.

This suggestion was met by muffled laughter, gasps of horror and 'walk into town, did you say you are going to WALK??????'

Ummm, yes .... ?

Bear in mind that although I've been to Woolacombe many times I've never actually been to a final fling before so I've never been to this site.

Off we set.

It was lovely in the lanes sheltered from the wind by the hedges it was really quite warm.

This was fun!

Then I heard a noise behind us and suddenly we were being chased down the hill by these!

After about 20 minutes of walking down the steepest fecking hill in the world I asked SD if we were there yet ....

It seemed NOT.

40 minutests later we arrived in Woolacombe proper.

I was starving and had a huge fry up then we hit the shops for a bit, went for a stroll along the beach (back into that biting wind) and then ...

Yep, back up that fecking hill!

SD, as I've mentioned teaches PE, he's fit ...  he is really fucking fit! 

He can climb verticle hills AND talk at the same time!

I on the other hand, CAN'T!

There he was striding out in front of me waxing lyricle about how beautiful it all was with me panting and gasping for breath in his wake.

'Look', he said, 'you can see Lundy Island really clearly today, have you ever been there?'

WTF SD, you actually expected me to be able to speak??? 

All I could see was red mist and all I could hear was my heart pounding and this kind of rasping sound everytime I tried to breath.

SD turned around to find me face down on the tarmac road inhaling gravel.

I'm going to gloss over the events of the next hours (mostly, to be honest, because they ARE a little hazy).

I do remember a large purple dinosaur though with a 4ft tail, pretty sure it was the lead singer of one of the bands ....

Anyway fudgers, I really need to finish now (although there's LOADS more to tell) because I'm off to Newquay for a few days of fun, frolicking on the sands and surfing.

Failing that I shall be shopping, sipping coffee and stuffing my face.

See you soon.

Actaully, just before I go I thought I'd share another of my 'Top Tips' with you.

Never, and I really do mean NEVER allow teenagers to carve their own pumpkins ....

Photo: Allowing teenagers to carve their own pumpkins - not one of my better ideas ...


Kelloggs Ville said...

at least a glowing nob on your doorstep should have kept away all those god awful mothers herding the little ones around. The kids I can cope with but those fecking mothers!

Anyhoo....I stayed in a house on THAT hill, one of the pretty ones. It was a B&B then. Ran by a lady that was about 180 years old and the place hadn't been changed since 1924. The first thing I did on arrival was pop out to the shops for a 2 pin plug converter and damn me, the local shop them...clearly rewiring is not a common feature in Devon. Place was a death trap but a beautiful one, The Edwardian bathroom was glorious to look at. The 2 inches of luke warm water (war painted line intact) at the bottom of a huge bath was not so endearing!

PS it's about time you got fit LOL

Rowen said...

Love the pumpkin!

Sarah said...

Lol, you could be right K. I think Sd was slightly shocked at my level of (un)fitness whereas I'm pretty sure I'm just normal ;) - it's a beautiful place - I love it down there. You shouls come down again, we could go surfing or eat cake!

Ha ha, me too Rowen :)