Crafting, Kittens and a Poem

I was going to write a post about crafting this morning.

The post rapidly descended into:

'WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER TRY CRAFTING WHEN YOU HAVE A KITTEN!!!'

So then I thought I'd put the crafting away for a bit until the kitten had a nap and write a post about my weekend.

Then I realised that I'd had a pretty boring weekend really.

I was supposed to be at Castle Combe racecourse on Saturday but I wasn't feeling great and the forecast was dire so I opted to stay at home.

SD set off with friends for what turned out to be a lovely sunny day (other than one freaky hail storm - in JULY?  REALLY??) and Miss Mac headed off on the train to Weston-Super-Mare for the Great Weekender with 5 friends to see McBusted for the second time in as many months, the Backstreet Boys and Scouting For Girls amongst others.

Obviously due to the DIRE WEATHER FORECAST I sent her off fully prepared for monsoon conditions and she came home sunburnt!

Anyway, I felt a bit better by the afternoon so I made a cake (of course I did!):

And very yum it was too!

Other than that I really didn't get up to much apart from my monthly teas and cake duties at the pensioners bingo on Saturday night.

Because I really don't have much to say today I thought I'd give an old poem I wrote a couple of years ago after a Bingo evening a re-run and here it is:

Bingo Boobs

I thought I saw her bingo book
Lurking under there,
I didn't really like to look
It seemed so rude to stare.

Her chest was like a giant pillow
With room for several heads,
Across the table it seemed to billow
Enough for at LEAST two beds.

Where was that book? it was a farce
I felt I ought to say,
I just thank god it wasn't under her arse
Or we'd  have been there half the day!

I'd umm'd and ahh'd (and gestured too!)
And pointed at her bits,
Then I shouted out (what else could I do?)

 " IT'S UNDERNEATH YOUR TITS!!"

Slursday

Just a short post today which has come about because it seems my domestic prowess has been called into question!!

I AM SPEECHLESS (well, obviously not quite ... ).

Yesterday Miss Mac was in town after school with friends when she called to ask if they could come back to our house to dye Chloe's hair.

'I guess so' I said 'but why can't Chloe dye her hair at her own house?'

'Her mum doesn't want her to' she replied.

'Well, if her Mum doesn't want her to dye her hair then I'm afraid the answer is no.'

'Oh, she doesn't mind her dyeing her hair' said Miss Mac, 'she just doesn't want her to do it at HER house.'

''Ce Pourquoi? (I know, I KNOW - and I said I couldn't speak French!!!).

'Well', said Miss Mac,' it's just that her Mum is very house proud and she doesn't want to risk her getting hair dye on anything but I knew you wouldn't mind because we already have hair dye on the bathroom floor ...  and the bathroom door ... and the ceiling ... and I got a bit on the radiator last time I dyed mine ...'

Hang on:

WE HAVE HAIR DYE ON THE BATHROOM CEILING???

So last night I had 4 teenagers crammed into my bathroom whilst I made them American pancakes to keep up their strength and they tried to deafen me by blasting Ed Sheeran at full volume.

Miss Mac was designated hair dyer and I took a photo of her washing the the remains out of Chloes hair which I promised I wouldn't post on Facebook (and I haven't so I kept my promise!!).

And yes, we now have yet more hair dye on the bathroom floor ...

And if that wasn't a big enough slur on my domestic goddessity then it was dealt another blow this morning.

SD had check the weather forecast and it seems that after a lovely long run of gorgeous weather  everything is set to change this afternoon (just in time for Glastonbury which is the natural order of things).

'You might want to do some washing today while it's still dry' he said.

Bloody Borgan, I was affronted I tell you - I don't NEED to be told to do the washing!

I AM THE WASHING QUEEN!

I may not be so hot on the ironing and putting away stuff but I'm fairly confident in my washing abilities unless, well ...

SHINY STUFF ...

But really, I don't think there was ANY need at all for SD to leave the towels here because as he put it:

It's the one place I am guaranteed to see them!

Things I Suck At

Linking up with Maxabella for The Weekend Rewind.

So, this weeks topic over at The Lounge is Things I Suck At.

I was going to make you a list but then the irony of that struck me as lists are possibly the things I most suck at!

Surfer Dude makes me list ALL THE TIME!!!

I lose them, I forget them, I draw on them, I give them to the kitten to play with, occasionally, with a HUGE flourish I tick something off them!

Mostly I just add the things that SD clearly FORGOT to put on the list because I DID do them (even though he possibly thinks that playing with the kitten, sunbathing and eating cake don't actually belong on the list in the first place but then, what does HE know??) just so that I have something to tick off.

I suck at plenty of other stuff too.

For instance, I can't play the piano - I've NO idea why not.  In my head I can play it perfectly well but in reality something seems to get lost in translation and ...  Well,  I can't ...

I can't knit around corners, I can't work out the scale on maps, the next turning could be 2 miles down the road or 20, I have NO idea!  I can't speak French fluently (or even at all ...).  I can't see those magic eye picture and I seriously think they are some kind of trick that you all play on me just to fry my brain.

Yesterday I seriously sucked at opening my new conditioner in the shower.

I'd bought this super duper stuff which gives you fabulously soft flowing locks because it's injected with the anal glands of unicorns and Argon oil at vast expense to try to counteract the affects of too much sun, sea and beach buggy which has left my hair looking and feeling like a rather badly abused brillo pad.

So, after shampooing my hair I reached out blindly for the conditioner which was in a tube - seriously??

Who honestly thinks that it a good idea to put shower stuff in tubes??

I took the top off and then didn't know what to do with it.

I put it in the holder thingy that the shower gel etc sits.

It fell through a gap into the shower tray.

I trod on it which REALLY hurt!!

I scrabbled around half blinded by the water and residual shampoo.

I knocked it into the drain which it fitted PERFECTLY and the shower tray started to fill up with water.

Eventually I managed to hook it out and then, as I got up, I smacked my head on the bottom of the holder thingy which REALLY hurt!

I threw the top over the shower door onto the bathroom floor.

I squeezed ....  Nothing ...

I squeezed HARDER ....  NOTHING.

I painfully opened one eye and peered at the bloody thing.

It only had one of those stupid foil covers that you have to peel off on the end of it!

I pulled ...  It broke ...

I looked around the shower for something sharp to stab it with.

Nothing!!!

I swore a little ...

I got out of the shower still half blind and trod on the top I'd thrown on the floor - It REALLY hurt!!!

I picked the top up, opened the bathroom window and THREW it half way up the garden!

I stabbed a hole in the top with the nail scissors, got back in the shower, dolloped a load of the stuff on my hair and then realised I needed to put the top back on before I could put it down ...

I would like to say that at this point it was ALL worth it because my hair looks FABULOUS but in fact it looks and feels EXACTLY the same as it did with the added bonus that it now smells of bloody BANANAS!!

'Sup Blogger???

Usually I'd think it was just me but I know it's not just me because I made the mistake of checking out Blogger help and signing up to some forum and then I got inundated with 370000 emails from people with the same problem!!

Blogger is having some kind of crisis at the moment which means that I only see the latest post on my reading list.  The show more button isn't working either so this morning I trolled down my blog list individually checking for new posts.

Man, that get tedious VERY quickly!!!

Bearing that in mind I'm fully expecting no one to see this blog post so I'm not going to waste too much time on it other than to say:

IF ANYONE KNOWS OF A FIX FOR THIS PROBLEM CAN THEY PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!

Thank you

* abnormal service will be resumed when Blogger sorts it's act out!

Lazy Days and Summer

It has been the most GLORIOUS weekend - wall to wall sunshine and temperatures in the 20's.

On Saturday SD and I finally finished the hedge at the farm:

Looking good!

It's a huge job and takes at least three sessions to finish.  It's great working out in the garden but I am SO glad it's finished!

After a shower to wash the smell of bonfire out of my hair we headed out to the pub.  Rather than go to one of the ones more local to me we went to one that SD used to drink in a lot when he was younger.

Set in the Somerset countryside it's peaceful with a beautiful garden.  There was live music playing, the beer was chilled and the sunset was stunning!

After a very lazy start on Sunday and a full English breakfast we set off for the beach.

I haven't been to Hive, a lesser known beach near Burton Bradstock in Dorset since last year.  It's a little further along the coast than our usual haunts of Lyme Regis and West Bay but so worth the extra effort to get there.

On the way we stopped for coffee at a farm shop high on the hills overlooking one of my other favourite beaches Seatown.  Seatown is very secluded and, as it's down a very long winding lane it tends to be off the radar for many sunseekers.

We sat outside in the baking sun and I took this photo.  Due to the heat haze it's not the best photo of Seatown (way down in the valley).

Hive was the busiest I've ever seen it and only with SD could you set out for the beach and find an improptu car show going on in the field used as a car park:

So we spent a little time chatting to the Morgan owners club - LOVE that one in the first picture - the newest one there but I think they have got it spot on!

And then to the beach to lie in the sun, read my book and soak up the rays:

Again, maybe not the best photo but I was lying down at the time and actually couldn't see a thing as the sun was shining on my phone and most of the photos included my knees:

Like this one!

I did get a photo of this cute couple though:

So far I'm having a very happy, lazy Summer, I hope you are too!

Just Call Me Baby

Yesterday Joe from Cranky Old Man wrote a post about how he felt it was time Mrs Cranky had a pet name for him (she usually just refers to him as 'Jerk').

Joe thought M'Lord might be appropriate.

I can see how that would work for him.

Anyway, it got me thinking ...

SD should have a pet name for me too!!

I mean, he calls me lots of things already.  Idiot, comedy date,  ....

But you know, those name could apply to ANYONE couldn't they?

I need a very special name all of my own!

Last night SD was doing some more work on that never ending hedge at the farm so I said I'd cycle over and give him a hand (obviously I meant I would lie on the lawn sunbathing while he brought me cake and cups of tea ...).

He brought me a pitchfork, a rake and a pair of gloves and told me to make myself useful raking up the cuttings and transporting them to the bonfire he was building in the paddock ...

It was bloody hot yesterday, I'd spent an exhausting afternoon lying on the decking topping up my tan and it wasn't getting any cooler as the evening approached so there I was in my shorts, bikini top and a stout pair of trainers sweating my arse off trundling the wheelbarrow back and forth and getting stung to buggery by the nettles.

Who needs to go to a gym when you have half a hundred weight of greenery to lob onto a fire, believe me, you won't get a better workout!

I may have mentioned before that I can get a little distracted at times, for some reason this seems to irritate SD  but you know, if you just ignore stuff, keep going until the job is done (which is what SD thinks I should do) then you miss out on all sorts of things don't you?

So, while SD was accumulating great piles of greenery I was busy examining an ants nest - it's fascinating watching ants don't you think?  They are so busy, so focused, nothing distracts them from their purpose ....  Ummm, ok, I guess there is a little irony in that observation ...

SD said I reminded him of a song by The Prodigy.

'Fire Starter you mean?'

'I was thinking more Smack My Bitch Up' he replied now will you FFS leave that ants nest alone and do some work!

I returned to work slightly subdued ...

'I think you should have a pet name for me' I told him leaning on my pitchfork.

Something that epitomises me, something that encapsulates how you feel about me, something that  incorporates the essence of me.

'Sarah' he said - I haven't got the faintest idea what you are babbling on about now do you think you could actually DO SOME WORK???

I subsided once more.

I carried on raking up from one side of the hedge as SD started cutting the other side (actually, he couldn't see me so what I was actually doing was trying to take a photo of the runner beans which are in full flower at the farm now as they were planted several weeks before mine and the red flowers are SO pretty!).

SD said something to me but I wasn't really listening as I was focusing on getting the best shot.

'What are you doing NOW???' - I nearly wet myself!  I hadn't heard him creep up behind me.

'For gods sake Simon, at this rate we will NEVER get this bloody hedge finished!' ....

Hang on ....  'Did you just call me SIMON???' ....

'I said Sarah' SD replied defensively.

'You bloody didn't, you just called me Simon!!!'

SD looked a bit sheepish, then he started laughing.

'What, WHAT???'

You know what it was?

When he looks at me he starts thinking of that nursery rhyme SIMPLE SIMON!!!

That wasn't quite what I meant when I suggested a pet name ....

'



'

If Money Were No Object

The Lounge is being hosted by Where the Wild Things Were this week and the theme is:

'If Money Were No Object'.

It is the most beautiful day here in Somerset.  The sky is a cloudless blue and I sat in the garden with the sun warming my bare shoulders as I drank my coffee and had a little chat with my cat Eddie who has taken to sleeping outside in the flowerbed the last few days.

I started thinking big ...  HUGE ... Country estates, private yachts, donating to charities, helping out family and friends, travelling the world in style, decorating my toenails with gold leaf ....

But that's not really me so I took it right back to basics.

Of course I'd love to help out family and friends and there are so many charities out there that I'd feel fortunate to be able to help but as I thought about it I remembered something I'd read once a very long time ago.

I don't remember if it was a story or an article or maybe if it was just something I once dreamt but it made me think and it also reminded me of a quote I posted many moons ago on my 'about you' bit on Facebook (if you read my last post you will know that I love quotes but not all kinds ;-):

'Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need. A homely home and simple pleasures, someone to love and someone to love you. Enough to eat and to wear and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing....'

The story that I read was about a man who wished he had just enough.

Just enough to pay the bills.  Just enough to be able to feed his family.  Just enough so that money wasn't one of the things that he had to worry about and, his dream came true!

He found that when he reached the checkout at the Supermarket he had exactly the right amount to pay for his goods.

When his child brought home a letter about a school trip he reached into his pocket and found he had just the right amount to pay for it.

When I bill dropped onto the doormat he had just the right amount in his account to cover it.

For a while he was very happy but then he started to want more.  Not huge things, just things that he though would make him happy.

A new carpet to replace the one that had a small stain on it, why try cleaning it if you can buy new?

A pair of designer trainers to replace his (perfectly good) unlabelled ones.

Gourmet sandwiches from the local deli rather than making his own lunch and so on ....

These things did made him happy.

Until he came to pay the next bill and, when he reached into his pocket he found he didn't have enough.

He was short by the amount that he had spent on the carpet and the trainers and the gourmet sandwiches and he was angry because buying those things had made him happy and surly that was the point of it all?

And then he remembered that his original wish had been to have 'just enough' ...

You know what?

I HAVE just enough of so many things and yeah sure, I'd love to have some more money.  I DO struggle.  The roof of my house DOES need replacing.  I don't get to go on exotic holidays.  I can't have 3 pairs of New Rock boots and I can't afford to send my daughter to Paris on the school trip but we do OK!

If you read my blog you already know that I spend a huge amount of time at the beach.  I live in a beautiful part of a beautiful country.  I laugh until I cry almost every day.  I indulge my love of live music on a regular basis.  I go to festivals, drink beer, lie in the sun, spend time at the farm, meet up with friends, have a great network of neighbours, and so much more ...

I know that I'm loved.

I don't have everything  but (without trying to sound smug and/or preachy and no, I'm definitely NOT saying I wouldn't like to win the lottery!!) ... my boat of life is pretty full and when things get tough I try to hold on to that.

The Leibster Award (a re-write)

The lovely Holly over at English Girl Canadian Man has nominated me for the Leibster Award:

This here thingy!!

First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH Holly :-) - I was chuffed to bits.

As is the way of awards there are a few rules to follow (although it's not compulsory but hey, it does give you the basis of a blog post)

Anyway, these are them:

1. Answer 10 questions given by the nominator.
2. Nominate 5-10 blogs that each have less than 200 followers.
3. Give 10 questions to your nominees.

So, jumping straight in, these are the questions that Holly asked me along with my answers:

1) Do you have any recurring dreams?

I have a couple and also a couple of recurring nightmares but they don't tend to bother me so much these days.  I did have a really weird dream the other day where I was a backing dancer for One Direction Gangnam style - I was TOTALLY exhausted in the morning!

2) If you could be anywhere in the World, right now, where would it be?

That's an easy one and never changes.  I would be in Corfu but not in the present day.  I would like to be transported back to the 1930's when Gerald Durrell lived there.  My all time favourite book is My Family And Other Animals by Durrell, it's magical, if you haven't read it then DO, you will LOVE it!

 3) What is your favourite inspirational quotation and why?


Ahh, this is where I have to confess to a loathing of inspirational quotes.  I don't know what it is about them but they just make me want to poke someone in the eye.  I have to resist the temptation to make snarky comments when people post them on Facebook because I know I'm just being a bitch and I do try to keep my inner bitch on a leash.

Just yesterday someone posted this on FB:

Ok ...  Maybe ... But something about it just make my teeth ITCH!! 

HOWEVER, I DO love quotes.  My favourites are from Groucho Marx:

'Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.'

'Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.'

'Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.'

And Erma Bombeck, a woman after my own heart:

'My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?'

'My second favourite household chore is ironing. The first being hitting my head on the top bunk until I faint.'


4) What is your favourite blog post that you have ever written (with link)?

Ohhh, tricky one ...  Hmmm, let me think ...  You know, I REALLY don't know ...

Ok, I'm going to go with an early one which really epitomises me and pretty much set the tone for my blog:

I'm Not The Alien, It's An Effing Android!!!


5) How did you pick your blog's name?

Well, this is kind of linked to the above as it was the same person.

I was in town texting a friend and had a sudden craving for some fudge. At the time we had this great little shop where you could watch them making their own fudge.  Proper old fashioned crumbly stuff. When I told him he said:

'Go for it, People Don't Eat Enough Fudge' - instantly I knew that when I started my blog then that would be it's name.


6) List three qualities you prefer in your favourite people.

1.  The ability to laugh at themselves as well as at me.

2.  I struggle with people who are precious about their stuff - With special stuff I get it but if you don't want me to steal your socks then don't leave them lying around!  On the plus side - my frock is your frock if you are ever in need.


3.   Just The Way I Am - On a more serious note -  I really value people who love me just the way I am, I don't want to feel I'm failing in some way by just being me. I don't want someone to try and change me - if you don't like me the way I am why are you here? Please don't want me to be something I could never and would never want to be all it will so is disappoint us both.  On the same note - be yourself because you are the person I chose to be around, I don't want you to change, I don't want you to be something else for me because I already love you just the way you are.

7) Describe your ideal date 

Well, I've had my fair share of really shit dates - you can read about them here if you like. There are others!!

I've also had my fair share of great dates - ones where I've been wined and dined - laughed until I cried - taken to amazing places ...

Right now I'd be happy with any kind of date which didn't include me either wielding a pitchfork (yep, that would be last night), hauling logs (last week), cleaning or painting wheels and tyres (who CLEANS tyres FFS???).

I don't know, it seems a little cliche to say anywhere and anything with someone that I love but it's true.  I guess throwing in a bit of sea, a bottle of something chilled and some sunshine wouldn't hurt either.


8) What is your guilty pleasure?

God, I have LOADS of these!!  

Eating junk food when SD isn't around.  

Lazing around in the sun writing and reading blog posts when I should be doing other stuff.

Anything really that involves me doing stuff when I know I should be doing something else (which is pretty much most of the time)

9) What is the first thing you do in the morning?

Put the kettle on and head for the shower while the tea is brewing.  I don't function at all in the mornings until I'm clean with a cup of tea in my hand.


10) Do you have any ongoing projects right now?

Almost everything I'm doing is an ongoing project.  

My house which I'm constantly doing or planning to do stuff to and which will no doubt fall down and bury me alive before I finish it.  

Various craft projects to do with Miss Macs bedroom which we are slowly turning from silver and turquiose (which I LOVE!) into one with a vintage union jack theme (post at some point probably).  

My garden where I've just planted out a load of tomatoes and runner beans and obviously my blog which is ongoing.

And so, on to MY questions for YOU!

1)  What was the first ever comment on your blog - who was it from and how did it make you feel? (Mine was from Allison Tate from Life at a Pink Fibro who is a REAL LIFE WRITER - I was SO excited!!)

2)  What's your favourite cake - this one's especially for you K (I have two, lemon drizzle and coffee and walnut).

3)  Do you have a friend who you would hate if you didn't love them so much? (I do!) and why (mine is beautiful, has a great job, fantastic lifestyle and is always jetting off to exotic places - I love her to bits but ...).

4) When did you last make and arse of yourself and how?  (this one is very close to my heart as all readers of my blog will know)

5)  Kittens or Puppies - quick, QUICK you HAVE to choose!!!  (I can't, I love both! ;-).

6)  Do you have an item of cleaning or cooking equipment that you don't know either what it's for or how to use it?  (I have a breadmaker that I lost the instructions for - never used it but luckily I can make bread the old fashioned way - I also have a churn brush that SD for some godforsaken reason gave me).


7)  Have you ever cyber stalker anyone - either someone famous (I haven't) or an ex (hmmm, maybe a little ...) or an ex's new partner (not guilty of that one either, he goes through them too fast to make it worthwhile) or someone that you used to go to school/work with (might have done that a little too ...).

8)  What's the weirdest injury you've ever sustained? (I once cut my foot rather badly drop kicking a frozen potato farl ...)

9)  Have you ever accidentally sent a text/email etc to the wrong person  (I once sent one to another member of the PTA I chaired at school complaining about how flaky another member was but accidentally sent it to the person I was talking ABOUT!).

10) Have you ever vlogged?  If yes, what was it about?  If no, would you ever? (I did recently, it possibly wasn't my FINEST moment but hey, you'd be waiting a LONG time for that!).

And so, who to nominate ....

Hmmm, well, part of me wants to say ALL of you because I'd like to hear your answers but part of me thinks I SHOULD really just nominate.

Sod it, I'm lazy - if you read this far then YOU ARE NOMINATED!!!

And this is where after Joe quite rightly told me that was a lazy thing to do that I put this post back into draft until I found time to do it properly!

So, my nomination are:

Ann from Help!! from  I'm Stuck!! - a new bloggy friend who makes me laugh.

Joe from Cranky Old Man  - because a) he deserves it and b) he made me do this properly.

Beth from Day by Day with Marie - because I love reading her daily snippets from across the water.

Brighton Pensioner from Pebbles in the Sea - I love the eclectic mix of posts on this blog.

FC from Feisty Cat  - one of my earliest blogging buddies who I haven't seen around for a while.

K from A Guiding Life - because she likes cake (even though I'm fairly sure she won't do this - too busy eating cake ;-).

A Kind Of P***s Envy

Linking up with with Maxabella, Life Love and Hiccups, Sonia Styling and Kelly Exeter for the Weekend Rewind.

Miss Mac came bounding in from school yesterday, flung her bag on the floor, kicked off her shoes and headed for the stairs.  On the way up she paused and shouted down:

'Hey Mum, got an A* in English today for my controlled penis assessment'.

??? ........ !!!!

Of course I MUST have misheard mustn't I?

'Ummm, your controlled what??'

'PENIS ASSESSMENT' she shouted back, 'An A* - I was the only one in the class who got and A* for it'.

Now I'd say I'm pretty broad minded but seriously??

A million and one thoughts rushed through my head:

 'An A* - I should be proud of her'.

'PENIS ASSESSMENT??'

'In English?  Was the teacher qualified to be teaching that kind of stuff??'

'PENIS ASSESSMENT??'

'Just what kind of school IS this?'

'PENIS ASSESSMENT??'

And, curiously ...  'Just how the hell DO you control one of those ....?'

She came back downstairs.

'So', I asked, 'just what exactly did that involve ...'

'Oh, just the usual, you know Mum (I most certainly don't!), showing understanding, analysis, that kind of thing.  Did you know he won the Carnegie medal?'

'Who did?'

'Penis'.

'Actually, he won it twice.  Once for Monsters of Men and once for A Monster Calls'.

Ahh, that would be the author P (Patrick) NESS then ....

To celebrate I took Miss Mac to have her hair cut.  Now for ME that's almost on a par with visiting the dentist - I LOATH having my hair cut:

As you can see - in dire need of a hair cut (or at least a fringe trim!)

Miss Mac knew exactly what she wanted and she had a picture to show the stylist -  it shouldn't have been too hard to achieve - very similar to her existing cut with a few layers and a long fringe cut in.

It didn't exactly go to plan ...

She is not happy although fortunately the stylist has left it longer than it should be so when she stops sulking about it I will take her somewhere else to get it done again.

Later that evening when Miss Mac had finally stopped telling me how much she hated her hair and we'd practised a few up do's for school today and then plaited her hair after her shower she came over for a cuddle.

Miss Mac is very tactile despite being 15 and dumped herself into my lap.

There was an odd popping sound.

'DID YOU JUST BREAK WIND ON MY LAP!!!'

Miss Mac professed innocence (although in that particular department she is often extremely guilty - gets it from her father ....).

A few more pops ....

'GET OFF MY LAP RIGHT NOW!!!'

'I didn't DO anything' she shouted climbing off.  As she did so I noticed ...

The very old leggings she was wearing as pyjama bottoms had given way all the way up the seam (the stitches breaking were obviously the popping sound I had hear) and she stomped off indignantly totally oblivious to the fact that half her bum was hanging out.

I LOVE having a daughter!

Shiny Stuff

You know, there's a lot to be said for being tidy.

I tend NOT to say much about it as I'm not.  Thank god I'm not a hoarder either is all I can say or life would be even more chaotic!

I'm also a real shiny stuff person - you know what I mean - a million and one things to do and .... Oooh:

SHINY STUFF!!!

This morning for instance, I've got a list!

Clearly SD actually WROTE the list for me but I have EVERY intention of looking at it at some point and ticking stuff off it, yes I DO!

I've got a day off today so as soon as Miss Mac went off to school I set about it with determination - first of all I made myself a coffee - then I sat in the garden for a while -  then my phone beeped (actually it vibrated as I always have it on silent which is why I ALWAYS miss your calls ...).

SHINY STUFF!!

it was a WhatsApp message from Matt The Op, remember him??  Despite the split lip and chipped tooth we do meet up for coffee every now and then when he's in town which he will be tomorrow so a pleasant half hour passed exchanging messages and arranging to meet up.

So, back to the list, but then ...

SHINY STUFF!!

My lovely friend Lou phoned (didn't hear it as phone on silent so had to phone her back) saying she too had a day off today and could she pop round for coffee.

I considered my list (that's a lie btw - It's under the dining table on the floor where the kitten knocked it off earlier and I left it ....).

Yay, of COURSE you can come round, Ive got nothing else on (which is true as none of the stuff on the list actually exists unless I read it does it?).

I'll be round at 11 she said, just got to clear a few jobs off my list ....

Which gave me an hour an a half to do MY stuff ...

But then ...

SHINY STUFF

That kitten I mentioned - the last one of a litter of four, three have gone to good homes which leaves me with a small, very demanding tortoiseshell bundle of fluff

with bloody ENORMOUS claws!

She's feeling lonely now that all her playmates have gone and follows me everywhere shouting at me for attention.  I spend all my time doing this weird hoppy, skipping thing around the house as she runs around like a bloody maniac getting under my feet.

Then I though I really OUGHT to get dressed before Lou arrived but I couldn't find my skirt.

This is where it can sometimes be a pain not being tidy.  I THOUGHT Id left it on the Ottoman at the end of my bed but (having thrown all the other clothes on to the floor) I discovered it wasn't there.  I checked the bed in the spare room which doubles as an ironing basket (except I don't iron ...), nothing ...  I looked in the bathroom and Miss Macs room and then came to the conclusion that I must have just accidentally taken it off when I was out somewhere and left it or something so I pulled on some shorts instead.

I am feeling RATHER virtuous having achieved so much so far this morning ...

One thing that SD seems to have missed off my list (and I can say this in all certainty not having even read it is REWRITE THAT BLOG POST!!).

Holly from English Girl Canadian Man very kindly passed the Liebster Award to me and I was chuffed to bits and sat down (almost) immediately to write my own Leibster post.

But, as Joe pointed out, it was a LAZY post and he told me to go back and do it properly (quite right Joe and I shall!) so, if you clicked on a non existent link then sorry and if you did see it and comment (thank you Joe and  Ann) then don't be surprised when a new post is up with the same name very soon because (as long as I don't have too much SHINY STUFF getting in the way then I am on it!).

Talking of SHINY STUFF, SD has his own too (see, it's NOT just me!) - look what we picked up this weekend ...

I forgot to take a photo so I've lifted this one from the previous owner.

And, well, I might have lost my skirt and list and been a little distracted this morning but SD clearly FORGOT that he already HAS a buggy because now he has TWO (and he says I'M disorganised!).

I REALLY Went And Done It This Time!!!

I promised you a vlog the other day and then didn't deliver ...

Sorry ...

To make up for it I'm going to post this clip taken on Monday morning in the garden with Gus - we were both totally trashed after a heavy weekend of beer, bands and sun (me, not Gus) and roast beef, kitten watching and pottering around in the sun (Gus, not me).

I did wonder if it was the best clip for a first vlog - I had planned on looking all glam and bursting with something or other (I dunno, vitality or something maybe but even Gus couldn't manage that ...) but  then, that's not really ME is it?

So I ran it past a friend first and he said:

'I think it truly captures the essence of the moment and your state of mind'

Which I have decided he meant as:

'Shit Sarah, you look SMOKIN' and totally ROCK this vlog thing!'

I expect I'm right don't you think ... ?

Linking up with Roan for Rubbish Tuesday.  As Roan says:

The idea is to post a photograph of anything old and/or deteriorating i.e. house, barn, outbuilding, something rusty, antiques, interesting junk, or something in pristine condition, but just plain old. 

I've kind of being focusing on the farm for the last few weeks.  That's partly because I spend a lot of time there and partly because there are always new things to take photographs of.

It's looking so beautiful at the moment that I've included a few 'other' photos along with the rubbish ones today, hope nobody minds.

First of all, some REAL rubbish - tidying up in the garden.  The hedge in the background is due for it's twice yearly trim, it's a huge job as it stretches right around the lawn.  The hedge is pretty old so hopefully it will fall under both the 'old' and soon to be 'pristine' category.

I love the way the light catches this wood pile.  The wood is from various trees that have either fallen down or have needed limbs taking off around the farm, some incredibly old.  We spent a lovely sunny day a couple of weeks ago riding all over the fields in a tractor gathering it up ready to be sawn into logs for the wood burner.

And these are 'just because' photos from the garden:

 

Deadly Nightshade growing in the hedge - SO pretty!

I Vlogged - Yes I DID!!!

Well, I WAS absolutely going to vlog for you this morning - in fact, I DID vlog!!

Taking a leaf out of Hollys blog I rounded up Gus for a walk taking my phone with me.

We don't have any waterfalls around here but I reckoned a puddle down the park would just about cut it  but when we got there there was narry a puddle to be seen!

I'd stopped off at Tesco Express on the way to pick up a Costa coffee because I was absolutely HANGING after the weekend - still am if I'm perfectly honest with you ...

It all started with much excitement in the Mac household as Miss Mac was off to see her beloved
One Direction at Wembley with a friend and SD and I were off to a muddy field just outside Bristol ...

The forecast had been for heavy showers so SD (being the borganised person he is) packed for every eventuality - waterproofs, boots, hats blah, blah, blah and I packed a spare pair of knickers and a four pack of rolos.

The weather was GLORIOUS!!!  Seriously hot and sunny with not a cloud in the sky.  Fortunately as it is June I was wearing shorts and as soon as I'd ripped off my walking boots and thick socks (which SD forced me into in the morning) and slipped off the straps of my vest top tucking the rest of it up into my bra in a very fetching bandeau stylee  I was set and flopped out on the rug on the grass.

UNFORTUNATELY SD had chosen to park right next to the off road course which meant that within 3 minutes I was covered in 10 tonnes of shit and partially deaf!  Luckily there was a huge ditch right in the middle for them to drive through so much of the time was spent pulling cars out and in between being sprayed I managed to burn my boobs to a crisp.

while they did this

It was an AMAZING weekend - lots of beer, lots of music, lots of sunshine and lots of this:

Urban Street Art - Don't you just LOVE his hair???

As well as all that there were the BMX riders:

Yes, sadly this IS my best photo

Who were completely mental and awesome!

And the Lowriders :

Who are really just mental

Along with roughly 10,000 other people we sat in the sun, shopped, looked at stuff, danced and drank beer and had the most fabulous weekend:

This was a converted cow shed decked out with the silk from a hot air balloon with various cars etc around the edges that the bands were playing in in the evening.

Very important - the food field

Anyhow, back to my vlog - it was a bit crap to be honest. I got as far as introducing Gus and showing you what I look like with no makeup and a ponytail (wearing sunglasses because my eyes hurt) then, as I bent to pick up the really shitty stick Gus brought me to throw for him I knocked over my coffee - got it all over my hands - licked it off my hands BEFORE remembering I'd been throwing the shitty stick for Gus and then my SD card was full.

Pretty much a vlog failure I'm afraid but I will give it another go at some point (possibly when I feel and look slightly more human!).

Hoping you all had the utterly fab kind of weekend that I did!

It's Just A Question Of Borganisation (or maybe that's the answer ...)

Today the Lounge is being hosted by Robo and the keyword is ENOUGH.

Ok, this gives me the perfect opportunity to vent or to bring something I feel passionately about to your attention.  To talk about something current, something relevant, something that really matters!

OR ...

I could just do a search on my blog for the word ENOUGH and bring you something a little light hearted, a little silly, something that (hopefully) will make you smile ...

Yeah, let's do that!

From the archives:

It's Just A Question Of Borganisation

Have I ever told you how borganized SD is?

Possibly not - I mean, I might have made the odd comment now and then.

I might have ALLUDED to it.

I may even have grumbled or even JOKED about it on occassion but now I'm calling it.

SD, you are REALLY bloody BORGANIZED and it's driving me INSANE - seriously - completely nuts, round the bend, off to lala land, BATFECKINGSHITCRAZY!!!

God, you have NO idea how much better I feel having got that out in the open ...

It's like a huge weight has been lifted and I feel free at last!

Now, some of you will know EXACTLY what I'm talking about whilst others (probably others who indulge in a little borganization) will have NO idea so I shall explain.

IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE (or your sanity)!

Borganized is my new adjective.

I don't see why I shouldn't invent a word, I mean, EVERYONE'S at it these days aren't they?  Even Farmers are getting in on the act, have you seen this?

Behold the FELFIE (image credit)

A Felfie is a rural twist on the selfie where a farmer takes a photo of himself with his livestock - it's probably best you don't google this yourself or, if you must, avoid searching on 'Welsh Felfie' (trust me, I KNOW what I'm talking about!).

Anyway, so, back to Borganised  (you may have noticed that sometimes I will spell borganized with a z and sometimes with an s - this is a classic definition of a person who is totally UNborganized).

You can recognise a Borganised person by the following (please note - not all Borganised people will display all borgan tendencies):

A Borganised person will write lists - sometimes they will write multiple lists and cross reference them.

A Borganised person owns several pens of different colours all of which work and have colour corresponding lids which are not chewed.

A Borganised person will run 12 books at Bingo (SD does not fall into this category and refuses to play Bingo) whilst simultaneously playing a hand of whist and knitting a pair of booties.

A Borganised person will ask you suspiciously what you have been looking for should you accidentally move something on their beside table by 3mm when you were trying to steal the chocolate that they got for their Birthday 2 frigging MONTHS ago and which is still wrapped and uneaten when everyone KNOWS that chocolate starts to deteriorate the moment you see it and from a health point of view should be eaten immediately so you were just trying to save them from certain DEATH!! innocently dusting or doing other important house cleaning stuff...

A Borganised person is appropriately dressed for every occasion and will make suggestions as to how you too could be appropriately dressed - To this end a Borganised person will at all times carry spare gloves, a variety of hats, steel toe capped boots AND orange overalls - a Borganised person may (at times) insist rather forcefully that you don said items!  If you refuse, a Borganised person will raise one eyebrow and smirk unbecomingly when you sink into 12" of cow shit whilst wearing flip flops (Also known as thongs in certain parts of the world whereas in England a thong is a whole other thing (or not  exactly a whole ANYTHING as SD often points out with some confusion when I refer to some items in my drawer as underwear ...).

A Borganised person is often (and infuriatingly) RIGHT!

So there you have it, the definition of a Bossy Organised Borganized person.

Funnily enough SD wasn't QUITE as impressed with my new word as I was, mostly I think because he thought people might think it meant Boring and Organised - let me tell you - Life is NEVER fricken BORING with a Borgan!!

There are however some downsides to spending extended periods of time with a Borganised person and in my experience these are just some of them:

A borganised person will write lists FOR you - sometimes multiple lists that they will expect you to cross reference.  They will not recognise the complete futility of doing this and no matter how many times you lose, eat, doodle on or turn them into hats, they WILL persist!

They will show some confusion when confronted with used tissues, old till receipts, sweet wrappers and loose change (loose change belongs in the loose change jar ... snort!!!) that litter the counter at the post office when you upend your bag in search of a pen.

They will look at you sideways as you struggle with your paltry 6 books at bingo, shout SNAP every time a card is laid no matter what game is being played and knit your never ending scarf because you can neither knit around corners or cast off.

They do not understand hormones or the need to feed them chocolate at regular intervals.  Equally, they have never needed to dust their iron before use and they probably own a variety of scrubbing brushes each with a different purpose (possibly they may offer to buy you your OWN scrubbing brush at some point).

They will never understand your preference for wading barefoot through cow shit rather than wearing rigger boots and a bloody orange onesie!

A borganised person can also pose long term risks to your mental health.

Seriously - I'm not kidding!

For instance - I can't remember ANYTHING any more - the reason being those bloody lists!!

If I remember I'll write SD a memo pointing that out.

List completely negate the need to remember ANYTHING - if it's not on the list then it doesn't exist - if I lose the list then I don't have to do anything ...  I ALWAYS lose the list and then I'm buggered.

SD will be completely responsible for my descent into madness and it will serve him right!

I'm already more than half way there (and, to be fair, possibly was BEFORE SD was on the scene) so, to avoid any further confusion (mine and yours) I have decided that in future all communication shall be though the medium of interpretive dance.

borrowed from my lovely friend Lou ;-)

Rubbish Tuesday

Whenever I look at the other entries in Roan's Rubbish Tuesday posts I'm filled with envy at the photo opportunities some of the others have.

Vast wastelands seemingly filled with tumble down barns and huge bits of rusted metal from bygone days, things you simple don't find in England.

Of course we DO have tumble down barns and rusty metal but it's just not in the same setting and everything is on a much smaller scale.

It lacks some of the impact and WOW factor.

I can't compete with the beauty of some of these finds or the skill of the photographers behind the photos so I'm staying small again this week.

I'm lucky enough to spend a lot of time at the farm and there are things to see and photograph everywhere you look.

Tucked away behind the barn lies an old enamel bath.  As with almost everything on a farm this isn't just junk left to rot, it has a secondary purpose as a water butt for the vegetable garden:

It's also alive with tadpoles, water fleas, pondskaters and newts.  A whole ecosystem is captured in it's depths:

It is just a rusty bit of junk but it has it's own beauty it's colours overlaid with blossom falling from the plum tree above it which has settled and become a part of the patina.

I was hoping to bring you something more from the Vintage Nostalgia show I went to at the weekend, it was full of amazing finds most which I seem to have failed to capture very well.

I did get this photo though which I love and I think epitomises the feel and the grace of the whole day: