Wednesday 4 June 2014

It's Just A Question Of Borganisation (or maybe that's the answer ...)

Today the Lounge is being hosted by Robo and the keyword is ENOUGH.

Ok, this gives me the perfect opportunity to vent or to bring something I feel passionately about to your attention.  To talk about something current, something relevant, something that really matters!

OR ...

I could just do a search on my blog for the word ENOUGH and bring you something a little light hearted, a little silly, something that (hopefully) will make you smile ...

Yeah, let's do that!

From the archives:

It's Just A Question Of Borganisation

Have I ever told you how borganized SD is?

Possibly not - I mean, I might have made the odd comment now and then.

I might have ALLUDED to it.

I may even have grumbled or even JOKED about it on occassion but now I'm calling it.

SD, you are REALLY bloody BORGANIZED and it's driving me INSANE - seriously - completely nuts, round the bend, off to lala land, BATFECKINGSHITCRAZY!!!

God, you have NO idea how much better I feel having got that out in the open ...

It's like a huge weight has been lifted and I feel free at last!

Now, some of you will know EXACTLY what I'm talking about whilst others (probably others who indulge in a little borganization) will have NO idea so I shall explain.

IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE (or your sanity)!

Borganized is my new adjective.

I don't see why I shouldn't invent a word, I mean, EVERYONE'S at it these days aren't they?  Even Farmers are getting in on the act, have you seen this?

Behold the FELFIE (image credit)
A Felfie is a rural twist on the selfie where a farmer takes a photo of himself with his livestock - it's probably best you don't google this yourself or, if you must, avoid searching on 'Welsh Felfie' (trust me, I KNOW what I'm talking about!).

Anyway, so, back to Borganised  (you may have noticed that sometimes I will spell borganized with a z and sometimes with an s - this is a classic definition of a person who is totally UNborganized).

You can recognise a Borganised person by the following (please note - not all Borganised people will display all borgan tendencies):

A Borganised person will write lists - sometimes they will write multiple lists and cross reference them.

A Borganised person owns several pens of different colours all of which work and have colour corresponding lids which are not chewed.

A Borganised person will run 12 books at Bingo (SD does not fall into this category and refuses to play Bingo) whilst simultaneously playing a hand of whist and knitting a pair of booties.

A Borganised person will ask you suspiciously what you have been looking for should you accidentally move something on their beside table by 3mm when you were trying to steal the chocolate that they got for their Birthday 2 frigging MONTHS ago and which is still wrapped and uneaten when everyone KNOWS that chocolate starts to deteriorate the moment you see it and from a health point of view should be eaten immediately so you were just trying to save them from certain DEATH!! innocently dusting or doing other important house cleaning stuff...

A Borganised person is appropriately dressed for every occasion and will make suggestions as to how you too could be appropriately dressed - To this end a Borganised person will at all times carry spare gloves, a variety of hats, steel toe capped boots AND orange overalls - a Borganised person may (at times) insist rather forcefully that you don said items!  If you refuse, a Borganised person will raise one eyebrow and smirk unbecomingly when you sink into 12" of cow shit whilst wearing flip flops (Also known as thongs in certain parts of the world whereas in England a thong is a whole other thing (or not  exactly a whole ANYTHING as SD often points out with some confusion when I refer to some items in my drawer as underwear ...).

A Borganised person is often (and infuriatingly) RIGHT!

So there you have it, the definition of a Bossy Organised Borganized person.

Funnily enough SD wasn't QUITE as impressed with my new word as I was, mostly I think because he thought people might think it meant Boring and Organised - let me tell you - Life is NEVER fricken BORING with a Borgan!!

There are however some downsides to spending extended periods of time with a Borganised person and in my experience these are just some of them:

A borganised person will write lists FOR you - sometimes multiple lists that they will expect you to cross reference.  They will not recognise the complete futility of doing this and no matter how many times you lose, eat, doodle on or turn them into hats, they WILL persist!

They will show some confusion when confronted with used tissues, old till receipts, sweet wrappers and loose change (loose change belongs in the loose change jar ... snort!!!) that litter the counter at the post office when you upend your bag in search of a pen.

They will look at you sideways as you struggle with your paltry 6 books at bingo, shout SNAP every time a card is laid no matter what game is being played and knit your never ending scarf because you can neither knit around corners or cast off.

They do not understand hormones or the need to feed them chocolate at regular intervals.  Equally, they have never needed to dust their iron before use and they probably own a variety of scrubbing brushes each with a different purpose (possibly they may offer to buy you your OWN scrubbing brush at some point).

They will never understand your preference for wading barefoot through cow shit rather than wearing rigger boots and a bloody orange onesie!

A borganised person can also pose long term risks to your mental health.

Seriously - I'm not kidding!

For instance - I can't remember ANYTHING any more - the reason being those bloody lists!!

If I remember I'll write SD a memo pointing that out.

List completely negate the need to remember ANYTHING - if it's not on the list then it doesn't exist - if I lose the list then I don't have to do anything ...  I ALWAYS lose the list and then I'm buggered.

SD will be completely responsible for my descent into madness and it will serve him right!

I'm already more than half way there (and, to be fair, possibly was BEFORE SD was on the scene) so, to avoid any further confusion (mine and yours) I have decided that in future all communication shall be though the medium of interpretive dance.

borrowed from my lovely friend Lou ;-)


ann said...

I spat tea out reading this, thanks for the laugh!!

Sarah said...

I often find myself spitting various beverages randomly too ;-)

Holly Hollyson @ Full of Beans and Sausages said...

Gah - this is why I follow your blog! I am both borganised and a borganiser, I fear! I tick off all elements of your list, except the bingo bit, I can't play bingo. I was amused that you made a list about borganised prople, whose principal characteristic is making lists!! Love it!

Sarah said...

OMG Holly - you're right - he's bloody Borganised me hasn't he!!!

Never mind about the bingo - I expect you CAN knit around corners ;-)

joeh said...

Yes, I thought Boring and Organized. Perhaps the word should be Bossorganized. Oh well, it is your word and it is a good one.

Mrs. C writes shopping list, but no one can read them so...

Beth said...

Smiling as I was reading this!!

Sarah said...

I've seen some of Mrs C's shopping lists Joe and to be honest I have to wonder if she isn't just messing with you and writing in interpretive dance!

Glad I made you smile Beth :-)

Kirsty said...

I believe that I may be married to a part-time borganiser. Glad I now have a word for his extra annoying tendencies!

Sarah said...

You're welcome Kirsty - I find it helps to have a name for it ;-)

Kimberley said...

This is hilarious. You absolutely must link up with us on a Monday for #laughlink, your posts are PERFECT humour fodder (although I'm not sure we are all ready for the Welsh Felfie, just quietly)! Kx

mumabulous said...

The borganiser seriously thinks they are doing you a favour by borganising your life.

Roan said...

What a great way to start my day! I was in a crappy mood before this and you forced me to smile and laugh. Now I'm ready to start the day!

Kelly Exeter said...

Oh dear - I think I am Borganised! But someone has to be in this house!

Kelly Exeter said...

Oh dear - I think I am Borganised! But someone has to be in this house!

Unknown said...

I think I both know these people, and may be one of these people. Fuck!

Sarah said...

Hi Kimberley - glad you liked it, I will pop over and check out the laugh link :-)

They really DO don't they Mumabulous - SD seriously thinks he's making life easier for me ...

Glad I helped to brighten up your day Roan :-)

Do they Kelly ... DO they ... Hmmm, I guess so (but it's never going to be me!).

Ha ha THTM - as Kelly says - every household probably needs one - actually, they need BOTH - two borganisers in one house would be a nightmare!

Anonymous said...

I bought a proper adult diary recently and I am so damn borganised now you could cry. The only problem is that no-one ever listens to me...
Cheers for linking this beauty with The Lounge X