As Groucho Would Say ...

Linking up with Maxabella for the Weekend Rewind.

'I wouldn't care to belong to any club that would have me as a member.'

Except that I am ...

I mean seriously?  It's doomed to disaster really isn't it?

Take this morning for instance.  My phone rang with an unrecognised number.  I answered it:

Unknown person:  Roger ....  mumble, mumble, mumble ... 10:30 .... mumble, mumble, mumble ... leaflets, mumble, mumble, mumble ...

Me:  Ummm, what? what? What??

Unknown person: Roger ....  mumble, mumble ...

Me:  Yes ... Roger ....?  What??

Unknown person: OK, mumble, mumble ... See you there ...

I deduced from this that I should be at Roger's house at 10:30 for some unspecified purpose to which I had apparently (although inadvertently agreed).

Duly I trotted down the road at the specified time and knocked on the door.

Roger is our esteemed secretary and forms part of the motley crew that is our local park action group.

We do stuff like painting the benches, planting trees and of course run the monthly pensioners bingo which was the muse for my poem 'Bingo Boobs'.

Have you ever seen The Vicar Of Dibly?

If not then you possibly wont understand when I say that Roger IS Jim Trott (famous for saying 'No, no, no, no, no, no ... yes).  At this point I was going to include a clip but the BBC have blocked them all!

So, I arrive at Roger house, knock on the door and ..... NOTHING!

After several minutes Bob appears around the corner pushing his bike and all becomes clear.

Bob or Baaaarb as he pronounces it was my phone call mumbler but he has such a thick Somerset accent that it's hard enough to understand him face to face and I have NO chance on the phone.

On Sunday we are holding a fun day at the park.  It's an annual event and aimed at raising awareness of the park, it's facilities and generally bringing the community together.

Our group is a bit shambolic these days to be honest.

I'm the youngest by roughly 30 years and two of our members are over 80.   Incidentally both the 80+ year olds hate each other with a passion and there is much lip curling and stage whispering and remarks of 'Who does she think SHE is' whenever they are in the same room.

Unfortunately they have both volunteered to help with the teas on the fun day and, as both are VERY easily offended I said yes to both of them ....

Bugger ...

Back to this morning.  It seems that Roger has finally got the flyer's advertising the fun day (in 3 days time!) and, as the youngest and fittest of the bunch Bob (who is in his 70's) and I have been nominated to do a leaflet drop of the surrounding streets.

Okaaay ...

Bob bangs on Rogers door and eventually it opens.

Ahh, says Roger, just sending an email - he goes back in and shuts the door leaving Bob and I on the street ...

Two minutes later he comes back out.  He shuts the door.  He opens the door, retrieves the key from the other side and locks it.

He unlocks the door.  Goes back inside and shuts the door leaving Bob and I on the street ...

He comes back out waving his phone, locks the door and sets off up the road.

Ummm, leaflets Roger???

No, no, no, no, no, no ... yes - At the printers!

Ahh, so you haven't ACTUALLY picked them up yet?

No, no, no, no, no, no ... NO!

And then I notice ...

On his feet Roger is wearing one black Croc and one blue Croc ...

Did you know you were wearing odd shoes I ask him.

No, no, no, no, no, no ... YES!

I've got four pairs he told me but I seem to have come back from the caravan with 3 left shoes and only one right shoe - I don't know HOW that happened.

I bloody do Roger!

Roger I should add is a total star!  A lovely (if infuriating) man who would do anything for anyone.

But he is a COMPLETE nightmare to try to work with.  He loses EVERYTHING, his keys, his phone, the notes of the meeting, his glasses, his shoes (apparently) and on a fairly regular basis his dog who gets out when he leaves the door open and who then (after a little wander up and down the road) patiently sits waiting on the doorstep for a passerby to ring the bell so that Roger will let him back in again.

All in all I'm fairly sure our fun day is doomed to disaster.

I'm not convinced that Roger has remembered to book any of the attractions he's listed on the flyer.

I am convinced that it will be currant buns at 5 paces (with the aid of walking sticks) in the tea room.

And the forecast says it's going to pee down with rain.

So, what fun way are YOU planning to spend this weekend?