Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Setting Fire To The Loo and Other Stuff

So ...  the other day I set fire to the loo ....

I know, you're thinking RESPECT right? 

Well I don't like to boast or anything but Im pretty sure it's not something just anyone could do ....

Besides, it needs just the right combination of ingredience including:

A kitten;

some kitchen roll;

A saucepan full of homemade passata and...

Umm, well -  me I guess ;-)

Actually I was a little surprised that it was possible too.  And no, I wasn't sitting on it at the time and no, it wasn't the result of a vindaloo as was suggested by one of my (ex ;)  FB friends (seriously lowering the tone of my wall like I NEEDED any help with that thankyouverymuch!)

I actually popped on here to do a little editing to a post I wrote a few days ago and didn't finish called 'My Name Is Sarah' but I decided it was shite so Id do a little waffling instead.

I've had an 'interesting couple of weeks' - I've been to a party that (after a slow start) turned into the stuff of legends (mostly due to photographic evidence, got to admit, the event itself is a little hazy).

I've been 20ft up an apple tree which scared the crap out of me but the view was awesome.

I've been eyed up by a randy bull.

I've been out with a group of friends to listen to some live music by a band that made the whole pub rock and I've been to an awards evening.

Now nearly all of those things have had one thing in common:

Wherever I've gone I've been greeted by cries of 'Your Name Is Sarah!'

Ok, maybe NOT by the randy bull but he had that look in his eye like he kind of  KNEW me!

Apart from the fact that I'm getting a complex, I mean, I KNOW my name's  Sarah ok.  I cant help wondering ....

Who the bloody hell ARE all these people????

I've been clasped to sweaty chests, I've been kissed and hugged, I've been treated like the prodigal son, I've been shaken around like a bloody cocktail (dance floor at the party where I was literally SUCKED into the midst of some freaky reunion except I swear didn't know anyone) until I was in danger of shooting out of my dress like toothpaste out of a tube *

I dunno, it's either some kind of conspiracy or I spent a large part of my 20's so hammered I've blocked it out ...

SD (who has been there on several of these occasions) seems to finds it very funny in a nudge, nudge kind of way and takes great pleasure out of creating scenarios to fit how these people (mostly men ok, I admit it!!) might know me.

It's freaking me out a little and I'm seriously considering changing my name!

*note to self - buy longer dress for next party!


joeh said...

Still trying to figure out how you set fire to the Loo.

Carmen said...

yup, you're gonna have to explain the whole loo story...

As for people 'knowing' you...perhaps you have a doppleganger whose name is also Sarah?

Kelloggs Ville said...

School girl error that, the passata. Without that there is no way it would have taken hold in that manner - when are you EVER going to learn.

PS how the fuck did you set fire to the bloody loo - share, or I will write in large letter on a bridge somewhere near you "Your Name is Sarah"

PPS that is probably an idle threat

ppps I wouldn't take the word threat at face value, I'm too lazy to buy paint let alone lever off a lid.

PPPS - HOW?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I want to know about the loo as well - and what was one of the kittens doing in the loo?

Sarah said...

Lol, ok Joe I'll tell you how it's done :).

I was making the passata when I tripped over the kitten that lives behind the fridge (a whole other story!) - put out my hand to save myself and knocked the kitchen roll onto the gas burner and it caught fire - grabbed the kitchen roll and, because the kitchen sink was full of hand wshing, ran into the bathroom carrying it like a bloody olympic torch and chucked it down the loo - as I ran it fanned the flames even more and rather than going straight into the water in the loo it jammed across it and flared up - cue me frantically flushing the loo and trying to push it into the water with the loo brush, then realising that it would probably block the loo if I did and trying to fish it out again - it was all VERY traumatic!

ps - the doppleganger is a good theory Carmen - I might go with that ;)

pps - love the idea of having my name on a bridge K - lets do it together (I'll bring the paint ;)

ppps - No kittens were physically harmed in my latest farce Lou although it may never venture from behind the fridge again!

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

LOL! I couldn't take all that suspense! Thanks for clarifying in the comments. :)