Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Abandoning All Hope

I sometimes worry that maybe people might think I'm a little ....  Hmmm, frivolous? 

Maybe even a bit lightweight ...

I did wonder if I should write a post explaining that ok, yes, I MIGHT just be those things at times BUT there's far more to me than that (honest!!).

I was going to point out that actually, I am a fairly intelligent, responsible and capable person.  That many people value my advice and opinion (yes you do, go on,  admit it! ;).

That, when the need arises I can (arise?) be relied upon to stand up and be counted.

I thought I'd give a few examples and cast around for inspiration.

I have to say, I probably don't do myself any favours do I?

This morning I 'liked' a page on FB (I tend not to like to many as you get inundated with crap but this one was connected to a blog I found through a friend which looked like fun).

Anyway - I  managed to not only say lubricant but also penis, TWICE, in my very first comment ...  possibly NOT a great example then ...

I commented on a status from a friend who said that they had snow this morning and asked if I could come to play - He said:

NO...not letting you anywhere near it. You're WAY to dangerous as it is.....lol.'

Completely unfair (as I pointed out) - it's been almost 2 years since I last broke a bone in the snow!

So I checked out my recent status updates - surely I must have said something semi intelligent or insightful???

Most recent:

'Hmm, it's probably just steam (altho it COULD be smoke) -I'll just turn it back on - see what happens...'
The response I got?
'OK , it's been eight hours now should I phone the emergency services or is the new pressure cooker now working? It's no wonder I worry'
Some people have SO little faith in me, it's astounding! ( I don't even own a pressure cooker:)
I delved a little further (pretty confident that at some point Id find something to redeem myself ...) and found this:
'Dumb question time - Are you supposed to put shoe polish on with a brush and then polish it off with a cloth or is it the other way round???'
To which the answer (for those also not in the know) is - you should used two brushes, one to put it on and one to polish after.  Failing that then, on with a cloth, off with the brush.
And no, I didn't wait for the answer.  And yes, I got it the wrong way round ok?
Moving on ...
'My relief at not having trodden on a slug (again!) was short lived when I realised it was cat shit!'
Now that status went global ...  ok, viral ... - well, got reposted anyway by a friend so that all of HER friends could laugh at me too!
Then I hit GOLD!
A friend had posted THIS!!
'Thank you to Sarah Mac for her assistance with my fantastic blackberry and apple crumble! Not tried it yet but sometimes that's for the best - rest on my laurels!'
See?  I DO have my moments! (we shall gloss over the fact that she was force feeding her son said crumble)
With restored faith I carried on:
I found this photo:
Photo: What am I doing? Isn't it obvious that Im ironing Lous homework?
With the caption:
What am I doing? Isn't it obvious that I'm ironing Miss Mac's homework?
Aspersions were  cast on my having the right skills to actually use an iron (bloody cheek!)
Possibly I didn't help myself when I confessed that I hadn't realised she's used crayon for some of it and now I had melted crayon all over my ironing board cover and, when it was suggested that ironing over it with a layer of brown paper between the iron and cover would probably take it off I used the first bit of brown paper I came across (it worked btw) but no one had said not to use the paper bag the onions were stored in ...  I mean seriously people, don't go leaving out the important details ok?
'Clearly I should not be let loose with hairspray'
Self explanatory if you've read my 'Seduction Sarah Stylee' post ...
And then FINALLY (thank you god!)  I found this staus I posted last week!:
'Love the innocence of someone (who shall remain nameless) who has no idea why I laughed until I cried when they ended dictating an email I was typing for them with - 'see you next Tuesday'.'
Oh I'm aware it doesn't really further MY case (but at least it does prove that it's not just me :)
BTW - thinking of conducting a straw pole - asking people if they think there might be any hope for me or if I'm lost cause - what do you think???


Sarah said...

Lol, pole!!! See what I mean? (and yes, I could edit it but I won't ;)

Anonymous said...

I just think you are crazy -in the good way though and as I am crazy too, we are well matched.

Sorry I forget to mention the paper bag should not be the one the onions came in - my bad. What can I say, I like the smell of onions!

Love you and your quirkiness, and I know from experience that the cleverest people on the planet are usually the ones who do the crazy stuff and don't feel the need to shout out to the world "Don't you now how clever I am?"

Lou :-)

Kelloggs Ville said...

You can remove the smell of onions with bicarb. Good luck.

Sarah said...

Well that SOUNDS plausable Lou ... Ok, I can go with that! ;)

ps - I like the smell of onions too altho no necessarily with everything I wear - guess I'll just have to give up on the ironing lark (shame that - it was going sooo well ...). x

E. said...

I love hearing about your adventures. I just think you are fun not crazy at all.

Sarah said...

Details K DETAILS - do I just sprinkle it on - mix it with water - add a couple of eggs and bake in the oven ...

Aww, thanks E - and anyone who casts aspersions on your mental state based on that comment will have ME to answer to ok? ;) x

Anonymous said...

Bah ha ha! I try not to update status' or I get similar comments - as for hair spray, thats the only way (apart from a blowtorch) I can get my fire started in winter...


Sarah said...

Haha Suzi - god knows what my friends would do if they thought I had a blow torch! (actually, I DO but it's only the cooks kind).

Kelloggs Ville said...

Can you work it out for yourself but take photos as you go along. TA muchly.

Sarah said...

Now that's just MEAN K ;) x