fudge

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Say What You See

Have you ever seen that TV series Catchphrase with Roy Walker?

If not, take a look at this before you read any further:




So anyway, last Sunday after a lovely walk with Gus over the fields at the farm I settled myself on a bench in the garden at the farm with a cup of coffee and a cream cake.

The bees were buzzing, the butterflies were flitting from flower to flower, there was a gently hum as a tractor gathered hay in a distant field.

I sat, eyes half closed against the glare of the sun, feeling at peace with the world when suddenly ...

OMFG!!!

Out of nowhere my eyes suddenly focused on the washing line and, swinging in the breeze were THESE!!!





As Roy Walker would say

Say what you see - SAY what you SEE!!!

It's NOT just me that see's it is it ....?

Suddenly I have a new found respect for SD's Dad ...

Moving on ...

SD has finished school for the Summer which means that he's around a lot more - ummm ...  YAY ...

Actually, mostly that IS a good thing although he's spending far too much time chasing me up on those damned lists he writes for me!  So much so that I actually had to uninvite him to dinner last Friday on account of him being a complete pain in the arse!

Anyway, I'm over that now and, having missed out on garlic and rosemary lamb followed by sticky toffee pudding with caramel fudge sauce SD is suitable remorseful and slightly less arse like so things are much happier around here.

Yesterday SD spent the day working on the beach buggy getting it ready for Swanage Regatta next weekend.  Swanage is one of my favourite weekends of the year.  The beach buggies lead the parade in front of about 10,000 people and this year I'll be wearing that far too short, hand picked by SD Xena Warrior Princess outfit (pictures of all the fun soon I expect).

Anyway, having spent the afternoon flat on his back doing something with an oil filter SD rang to ask me to run him a bath as he was filthy and aching all over.

I left the bath running as I cooked tea and suddenly heard a splash, followed by some screeching and a crashing noise.

Running into the bathroom I found a bedraggled and very frightened squitten (squitten = kitten of Squishy).

The poor little thing had dived head first from the laundry basket into the half filled bath.

I grabbed the squitten and hugged it close to me and ran upstairs with it to find an old towel to dry it off.

Sitting on the bed I gently rubbed it and stroked it until it was dry and had stopped shaking.

Taking the kitten back downstairs I put it with it's mum where it cuddled up quite happily.

As I stood up Miss Mac pointed to me and said:

'What's THAT!!'

I looked down to see that in it's terror the bloody squitten had crapped extensively all down the front of my top!

I was covered from chest to crotch in foul smelling liquid kitten shit!

Then it occurred to me that if it had crapped all over me then the chances were that the kitten had also shit in SD's bath ...

SD isn't a big kitten fan and I'm always telling him that they aren't much trouble (and then hiding all the stuff that they break or destroy from him ...) and he was due back at any moment and expecting to get into a steaming hot bath.

I did what I had to do ... I grabbed the sieve from the overhead rack in the kitchen and went into the bathroom only to find ...

FUUUUCK!!!!

SD was already sitting, eyes closed, in the bath full of gently steaming Radox bubbles!!!!

I hadn't heard him come in whilst I was upstairs.

He opened his eyes to find me standing in front of him in a soaking wet, shit covered t-shirt brandishing a bright green plastic sieve ...

He contemplated me for a moment.

'I don't even WANT to know' he said before slowly sliding under the water.

So ...  I didn't tell him ...




6 comments:

joeh said...

Damn, I got at least three audible snickers and one very loud guffaw from this post.

Karen @BakingInATornado said...

OK, I'm laughing AND gagging. You have no idea how hard it is to do both of those at the same time.
I can say, without a doubt, that once he's in that tub what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

K Ville said...

"what they don't know can't hurt them" is sooooo ... not true!!! Wonder if he let the water roll into his mouth as he went under ...not laughing, not laughing....much!

Sarah said...

Ha ha - it's still makes me smile days later Joe ;-)

I know Karen, I KNOW, I gagged a little too ... But I still din't tell him ...

Ha ha, I know K, but what he doesn't know, well, he doesn't know does he? Trying not to think about him opening his mouth too much ...

Dave said...

Glad the squitten has recovered, ignorance is bliss (or was that p*ss?). This post confirms that life not only happens to people, it happens at them too. Hehe! :)

Sarah said...

But fortunately in this case they failed to realise it was Dave ;-)