Tuesday, 7 July 2015

Those Damned Things ...

If you look at the top of my blog you will see I have a theory.

My theory is that things happen in every day life, things just happen and I know they don't just happen to me ...

The rest of my theory that I don't explain is that I believe the only difference is that many people don't tell anyone about those things and ...

 Well ...  I do!

It's always a comfort to me to know that I'm not alone so I was very grateful to Jerry, my newest follower ...

Hi Jerry :-)
 When he said that he could empathise because those damned things happened to him too!

Take yesterday for instance - it was just one of those days!

It didn't start out as one.

Miss Mac and I were having a quiet day after the excitement of the weekend and her Prom and, late afternoon, I decided to have a shower before going into town to do a few things.

I was in my bedroom sorting out something to wear when I heard Miss Mac coming up the stairs so I shouted out, 'I'm naked' so that she didn't walk in and embarrass us both.

It was only when a loud cheer went up from outside that I remembered both my bedroom windows were wide open and I'd apparently announced the fact that I was naked to a crowd of lads who happened to be passing at the time ...

Later that day it became apparent that SD often views me in a similar manner to many of the year 7's with attention issues that he teaches when I popped down to see him at work.

He sat me down in a corner out of the way and gave me a glue stick and some bits of paper to play with (technically it was putting together some information that he needed for today).

I LIKE gluing and happily got stuck in ...

When SD finished what he was doing and came back to see how I was getting on I proudly gave him the finished piece of work which, ok, WAS upside down now I came to look at it and might have been a little wrinkled but that was mostly because my glue stick was a bit dried up but I'm fairly certain it didn't warrant THAT look - you know the one ...

The 'WTF are you DOING Sarah?' look.

THAT look!!!

Anyway, SD didn't have any more gluing he needed help with so I went home and left him to it ...

Sorry, brief pause there as I watched my dog Gus licking the carpet ...  He's a bit odd that dog ...

Later that evening I got a call to say that SD thought he might have fractured his shoulder playing squash so I said I'd go up to A&E with him when he finished to get it checked out because ,while I might not be the best gluer in the world, and whilst I might (inadvertently) announce that I'm naked to complete strangers I do also like to think that I'm a fairly caring person and A&E is a crap place to spend hours on your own in.

I was hoping it would be quiet and we would be in and out fairly quickly (I DO care y'know but there is a time limit on my generosity ...).

It was PACKED so I spent some time flicking through the magazines.  I was really excited about some puddings on the front of one only to discover when I got to that page that some bugger had ripped the page out.


Me accidentally slipping the Waitrose mag into my bag because it had some great recipes in it is TOTALLY different - I mean, that's not going to be there at all so no one will be disappointed will they??

Ok, SD made me feel really bad about that and I will pop up with something to replace it ...

I was a little disillusioned with the magazines after that so I started to examine the other people in the waiting room.

I appeared to be sitting between a transvestite and a girl with the most ENORMOUS boobs who's boyfriend kept picking at something on his inner thigh.

Seriously, it was making me feel queasy!

Eventually SD was called away - he was gone for HOURS (well, about 40 minutes ...).

While he was gone a woman came in with her young daughter. The little girl looked fine and the only thing that seemed to be wrong with the woman was her rather dubious taste in sweatshirts.  It was black with what looked like a picture of Tutankhamen in gold emblazoned on the front.

Each to her own though, I wasn't exactly the epitome of chic either.

SD came back after his examination and xray and sat down.

I started to give him the low down on the other patients (obviously discretely!!!).

I pointed out the sweatshirt ...

Just then, a teenage girl walked in and said hi to SD - it was an ex student.

She walked over to the woman with Tutankhamen on her chest and sat down and started to talk to her.

'Oh look', I said - 'that must be her Mummy'

At which point I nearly fell off the chair in hysterics at my own wit!

SD looked completely horrified.

Apparently it's not the done thing to laugh raucously in

a) A&E at anytime and,

b) especially not when you've just greeted someone from Bridgwater who WILL assume you are laughing at them and smack you one without asking questions ...

Then he got called way again and left me with the girl and her Mummy, the transvestite, the huge tits and the pustulating boyfriend and a really hot cup of hot chocolate which I burnt my tongue on ...

And then things took a turn for the worse.

A TV show had been playing on a big screen without any sound - SD tried to explain to me what it was about.

Apparently it was some American actor who was playing the part of a TV show host and they were filming it.  I got a bit confused.  I wasn't sure if it was a REAL TV show and they were filming it or if they were filming a pretend TV show, I'm still not really sure and SD got bored with trying to explain it to me ...

Anyway, the minute SD left the room they switched to Smooth FM radio.

SERIOUSLY dire stuff.

I sat through nearly an hour of Oleta Adams, Godley and Creme and Soft Cell.

By the end of it I was tempted to fake an injury just so someone would get me out of there.

If I don't get the best girlfriend in the world award for last night then there is something seriously awry!

Oh, and in case you were wondering - no broken bones just some torn ligaments which might just mean that SD gets to see his lovely physio again so it's not all bad in his world ...


joeh said...

Hmmm...actually I think stuff like that only happens to you.

The mummy joke would not be funny most places, but in a waiting room or a church it would be impossible to hold back a serious giggle. It's pretty funny in your post as well.

Sarah said...

Oh ... oh ... are you SURE Joe ...

The joke possibly wasn't as hysterically funny as I found it but it's still making me giggle so it must have been just a little bit ;-)

Mila Myk said...

Well, I still consider you pretty lucky! Pustulating boyfriend may have been patient 0 of the zombie epidemic :-D


Sarah said...

OMG Mila DON'T say that - I might be incubating his pustulance and be patient number 2!

Still - I SUPPOSE it would be slightly better that developing a taste for Egyptian style sweatshirts .... ;-)

McGuffy Ann Morris said...

Well, I must say, you lead an interesting life, Sarah. *wink*

Sarah said...

Ha ha, interesting is ONE word for it :-)