fudge

Sunday, 26 July 2015

The Curates Egg

I'm not sure where I first heard the expression Curates Egg but it derives from a cartoon published in Punch magazine in 1895.

The cartoon was drawn by George du Maurier and depicts a timid curate eating breakfast in his bishops house.

The bishop says 'I'm afraid you've got a bad egg Mr Jones'.  The curate, anxious not to offend replies, 'Oh no, my Lord, I assure you parts of it are excellent!'

Since then the term has been used to describe something that whilst essentially bad (and there can be no part of a bad egg that is good) has elements that redeem it.

Well, my week has been pretty much like that really.

I mean, I thought I'd hit an all time low when I'd prepared to sieve the bath for kitten shit but I'm not sure that even comes close to handing over a 5 gallon container of your own urine to the young son of one of your friends but that's what I found myself doing this morning.

I do hasten to add that the container was not FULL (because somehow that makes it all ok right ....? - it WAS only 24 hours worth and I was slightly surprise at how little it looked in that container whilst also wondering if other people actually managed to fill the thing ... ).

Of course it's possibly not as bad as snogging the face off a young and very  gorgeous doctor as he gazes deep into your eyes but it's pretty much up there with 'things I wasn't planning on doing in the past week'.

To be fair, I didn't ACTUALLY snog him but it was touch and go for a moment.

In my defence I was under a certain amount of stress at the time and he was (as I might have mentioned) gorgeous ... Seriously, even his name, Thomas Judd, was sexy ...

I'm still cringing at the thought of his reaction has I succumbed to temptation and locked lips with him.  I suspect it would have been on par with when Maddona snogged Drake Whathisface at the MTV awards:

rather unimpressed ...

Anyway, thank god my dignity is still intact, you all know how much I value THAT ...

As well as my dignity (in case you were wondering what this is all about) I was suffering from a hypertension crisis and my blood pressure had shot up to 244 over 104 which was a bit of a worry particularly as it kept causing the blood pressure monitors to malfunction because it was off the scale.

So, with no obvious causes, diet, weight and fitness levels all having been assessed as perfectly ok and no history of high blood pressure (in fact, rather the reverse) the urine collection is to test for some kind of rare adrenal tumour which can flood the body with adrenalin and cause these symptoms.  Oddly enough, as it IS so rare, I was tested for exactly the same thing about 6 years ago ...

I was very grateful to the consultant for warning me that under no circumstances must I dip my penis into the container as it contained an acid solution and said that I would do my utmost to resist the temptation.  I also assured him that I would ensure that no one else dipped THEIR penis into it either (although SD informs me that there are websites devoted to such practises ...  how does he know THAT ...)

And so to the good part of the egg - well, at least the one thing in all of this that makes me chuckle.

I have a follow up appointment on Friday to assess my progress and hopefully to get some answers and the doctor they have booked me in to see is called Dr Mort ...

I shit you not! They've only gone and booked me in with DOCTOR DEATH!!!

It could only happen to me couldn't it ...

4 comments:

K Ville said...

De'Arth De'Arth surely?! Anyhoo good luck, stay dressed...unless he tell you not to stay dressed....hmmmm.

I'm off to hunt down the Curate's Egg, it sounds so much more polite than the shit sandwich with a slice of mouldy bread :)

Sarah said...

I'm going to try REALLY hard to keep my clothes on, not snog him OR ask him if he'd like to swill his penis in my urine - I know, it's a tall order but I'm gonna try K!!!

Val said...

Well, thank goodness you were able to resist that penis-dipping urge.

Sarah said...

I know Val - it would have been rather hard to explain ...