Cereal is out to get me you know ...
Seriously!!! (or should that be cerealsly ...)
In a strange twist of Murphy's law or something it is not I who is killing serially (is that a word ...? I think it could be a word ...) but rather cereal that is one day going to be the death of me
There was the incident with the stray muesli when SD thought he'd eaten one of my moles.
Now that was funny (assuming you weren't SD)
There was the time he thought I was lost or gambolling across the fields with a pink plastic bowl of the stuff like a hairy footed hobbit.
Which was just silly because I don't HAVE hairy feet ...
NOW look what the damned stuff has done to me!!!
That's a bloody great lump on my bruised and battered hand and it really, REALLY HURTS!!
(I didn't even have to colour with makeup to
make it look worse to garner sympathy like I did with my foot when SD
ran over it with a trailer and wasn't suitably sympathetic). ...
So ... How did it happen?
I'll TELL you how it happened!
It was all the fault of a rather juicy raisin (except it WASN'T!!!).
I was making breakfast for Miss Mac and I before she set off for college.
Invariably I have fruit and fibre with a sprinkle of muesli topped with natural yogurt - healthy I know!! (but actually I eat it because I just like it), and I'll make Miss Mac beans on toast or a bacon sandwich or something. Something to keep her going as I'm never convinced she will eat properly during the day.
Today I thought I'd make Miss Mac cereal too. She won't eat the same one as me and prefers something called Rise and Shine Clusters which are bran flakes with fruit and stuff that looks like popcorn in it.
I had already poured my cereal before deciding I'd make Miss Mac's some so I opened the cupboard and reached in for another bowl. As I did a large juicy raisin dropped into the bowl.
I was slightly surprised and wondered where it had come from before concluding that it must have dropped out of the sleeve of my dressing gown.
I picked it up and contemplated popping it straight into my mouth and then hovered over Miss Mac's bowl as I thought it might make a tasty addition to her breakfast.
Then I remembered ...
While we were on holiday Miss Mac had pointed out that I still had the bit of scrambled egg in my hair that she had told me about at breakfast and it was then lunchtime.
She also told me I had some glitter in my moustache and I couldn't remember the last time I'd used glitter.
What if that raisin had been nestling in the sleeve of my dressing gown for MONTHS unnoticed - It could be harbouring all kinds of nasty disease.
So, I put it on the counter while I reached into the fridge for the milk.
Turning back I saw the raisin had GONE!!!
A movement caught my eye - the raisin had grown legs and was scurrying across the work surface.
THAT WAS NO EFFING RAISIN!!!!
IT WAS A BLOODY GREAT SPIDER! THAT HAD JUST CURLED UP AND PRETENDED TO BE A RAISIN!!
AND I HAD NEARLY EATEN IT!!!
I screamed VERY loudly ...
I threw the milk to the floor - ran around the kitchen swiping at my hair (because that's what you do when you have a spider on any part of your body isn't it?) - torn off my dressing gown and stomped all over it - screamed some more - ran into the bathroom still screaming and swiping at my hair - smacked straight into the bathroom door which had become jammed by a towel that had fallen off a hook on the back of it when I barged into it and hit my hand REALLY hard on the wall thus sustaining the injury above ...
Fairly normal behaviour I think ...
I still feel a bit queasy thinking about how close I came to eating that bloody spider - personally I think I would prefer to eat one of my own moles ...