fudge

Monday, 15 August 2011

The message

Write On Wednesdays



Piqued:
A state of vexation caused by a perceived slight or indignity; a feeling of wounded pride.tr.v. piqued, piqu·ing, piques
1. To cause to feel resentment or indignation.
2. To provoke; arouse: The portrait piqued her curiosity.
3. To pride (oneself): He piqued himself on his stylish attire.





‘Do you still want me to come over?’

She hit send and rested the phone back on the table.  As she stood up the phone bleeped.

‘I want you forever .....’

Sinking back onto the chair she stared at the phone.  It was out in the open now.  The words had been said.

She closed the message replacing it with the ever moving galaxy of stars that formed the screensaver.

After hesitating for a moment she reopened the messages. ‘I want you forever’. It was still there, somehow she had hoped it would be gone, the sentence left unsaid.

'Damnit!' she exclaimed in frustration, 'I don't need this right now'.   

But its not just about what YOU need she whispered, angry with herself, knowing this had been waiting to happen, all the while hoping that if she ignored it then it would just go away leaving her without the weight of responsibility his feelings brought. 

She felt piqued, it was almost as if he had done this deliberately. Forcing her to confront things when all she felt able to cope with right now were her own feelings.

Selfish, selfish, selfish, the word echoed around her mind obliterating everything else.

'Enough'!  'This is not me, this is not what I do, this is NOT what I’m about'.

She picked up the phone once more.  Fingers trembling slightly she typed,

‘I’ll see you at 10.’

25 comments:

Lou said...

I love what you have written, but thats a pretty old-fashioned word to be asked to use in this day and age, don't you think!

I may just give it to my youngest H, for his word of the day on Wednesday - it will definitely catch him out...His word of the day btw, is something he has to do because he got into trouble at school for not doing homework. He is given a word on a monday, wednesday and friday which he has to look up write a definition for in his own words and then write a sentence using the word correctly. He then emails this to both me and S. It's quite funny because his spoken vocab has improved so much since we started it - and it has now become a way of life rather than a punishment for not doing his homework...lol :-)

The Rambling Pages said...

That has got me wanting the next installment, I wish I could write like that!

Sarah Mac said...

It is a little Lou and not a word I ever use, it's like vexed isn't it, you just don't.

BUT I guess that's all part of the challenge and what makes it a great prompt, you have to really think about it.

I tried to fit it in without it looking too out of place but I wonder if Adam (Merry Wanderer of the Night) had it right in that he didn't include it in the text but described the emotion.

That's a great idea for children, more of a game than a punishment. I'm all for extending vocabulary in children and teaching them how to use it.

Thank you RP, as ever I can't seem to stray too far from fact in this story. Just as well WoW is only once a week there isn't a next installment yet :)

Adam said...

I liked that piece. A brooding, teasing, tension existed to entice the reader into her world and it was all very natural. :)

Melissa said...

Great piece and I look forward to the next instalment :)

Sarah Mac said...

Thank you Adam and Melissa.

I think one thing I'm pretty sure of is that there will be another installment :)

Sannah said...

Love it! So much tension, can't wait for more.
Piqued is a pretty old fashioned word, only person who I know who uses it frequently is my mother. I must say that I love and use vexed quite a lot though :)

House of Prowse said...

It didn;t look unnatural.. You did well... not looking forward to this one!

Laura Maria said...

Loved how you conveyed the intense atmosphere. I could really feel her turmoil!

Naomi said...

I love the tension in this piece. Looking forward to another instalment!

Felicity said...

It's been terrific to read not only your piece but the reactions to it and the word.

I'm with Naomi in that the tension you created was palpable and it does make me want to know what happens next.

As for the word, I actually use it to describe curiousity - you piqued my interest...and that's exactly what you've done.

xx

Sheri Bomb said...

Great piece, I really enjoyed it and it certainly drew me in. The word that really stuck out to me was selfish because I wondered if maybe they both were being a bit selfish. Ooh I want to know what happens next!

Sheri Bomb said...

Great piece, I really enjoyed it and it certainly drew me in. The word that really stuck out to me was selfish because I wondered if maybe they both were being a bit selfish. Ooh I want to know what happens next!

Jodie Ansted said...

The tension...well done, Sarah. I'm lovin' it.

Hadge said...

Nice sense of the tension around the frustrations and limits of modern text communication - feeling that you had to use the word does constrain the piece. Like Adam, I decided not to use the word but try to convey it - I do agree with you that using then word is a challenge but I ducked that one ;0)

Sarah Mac said...

Just a quick question.

I cant leave comments on all your posts.

When it asks me to 'comment as' I have to use Open ID - Google Account just takes me back to the Google login.

Open ID doesnt seem to register if I put in my Blog ULR. Am I doing something wrong? I dont use Wordpress ect and I dont know what option I should use or how!

Sooo frustrating.

Sif, yours is one of the ones I cant comment on and Id really like to.

I will come back to all your lovely comments as soon as I can.

Hope someone knows the answer to this :) Sarah

Sarah Mac said...

Just a quick question.

I cant leave comments on all your posts.

When it asks me to 'comment as' I have to use Open ID - Google Account just takes me back to the Google login.

Open ID doesnt seem to register if I put in my Blog ULR. Am I doing something wrong? I dont use Wordpress ect and I dont know what option I should use or how!

Sooo frustrating.

Sif, yours is one of the ones I cant comment on and Id really like to.

I will come back to all your lovely comments as soon as I can.

Hope someone knows the answer to this :) Sarah

Anne said...

Gidday Sarah. Something tells me this may be a little more non-fiction that fiction? LOL I felt it was written from personal experience and very heart felt. I love that nervous tension between lovers when a meeting is imminent.

Anne xx

K.D.Storm said...

This is an awesome job. I like the flow of the piece.

InkPaperPen said...

Hi Sarah....in regards to the commenting, have you tried unticking the stay signed in button when you log in? This has worked for me before but not sure if that is your problem, worth a shot though!

I liked the tension building and then the last line she spoke. I almost thought she was going to back out. I found it hard to use the word too, a definite challenge. Like some of the others, I didn't end up using it either

Andy @ Words and Pen said...

This has the touch of reality. Very clear, very interesting, and I guess an upcoming love story. If I am wrong, my curiosity is piqued more than ever.

Smiles,


Andy

Jaimee Hunter said...

Nice piece. I felt her ambiguity. Thank you for sharing!

Sif said...

I like the compulsive obsessing - have been there myself, LOL! I wonder what happens at 10?

Lene said...

I love the suspense you've created here. You have captured her emotions beautifully, very real, very tense. Would love to know more.

Kimberlee said...

Interesting play of tension and emotion. :)

I am with you on the whole feeling of trying to use a word naturally, without it seeming forced. It is difficult if you don't typically use the word.