Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Umm - call it whatever you like .......

I read a post this morning by one of my favorite bloggers.

It was an analysis of his own character.  It was completely open. He listed all his annoying traits.  He understands himself and the affect he has on others pretty well.  It wasn’t an apology for the person he is, just an honest account.

Having just written a character analysis for WoW I found it fascinating.  It made me realise how much I’d left out or maybe how much I hadn’t had the courage to include.

I didn’t write about the constant conversations I have in my head (and yes, for those of you who don’t already know, Rock Chick is based on me).

I’d love to clear my head sometimes.  I over analyse almost everything.  I go through different scenarios.  I sometimes write things in my blog or on FB and then worry about how different people will interpret it.

Will they read things into it that I didn’t intend?  Will they see things that I thought I’d hidden?  Will they see themselves without me having to mention them by name? Do I write everything for a reason (maybe subconsciously)?  Do other people do the same?

It’s bloody exhausting sometimes but it’s what I do.

I’ve written about FB updates in the past.  I do think a lot of them are written for the reactions they hope to get.  The leading status update is the one that always gets me, a tiny snippit of something just waiting for a reaction.  I don’t think I’m too guilty of that, I hope not.  I ALWAYS ignore them, they piss me off!

Lately it’s been the spammy posts that have pissed me off.  No, I don’t want to copy and paste someone else’s badly written, grammatically incorrect twaddle (thank you Lou  for reminding me of that great word).  It’s not that I always disagree with the content but I prefer to keep FB personal which means I’ll write my OWN twaddle thank you very much!

I’d love to be open and honest all the time. To just be ME but much of the time I find can’t be. I’m too afraid of the consequences.

If you're lucky you find someone that you can be like that with ...........

This is another one of those posts that I’m not sure where it’s going.  I’m not thinking, I’m not analysing, it’s just my thought process being regurgitated onto the keyboard……….

And yet I'm STILL holding back ... hmmm

I’m off down to the shed to have a good scream :) 


todd carr said...

I need a screaming room! I think that is what is missing in my life. I'll install a dart board for extra stress relief. I hear you Ms.Fudge! constant self analysis is exhausting but it is what we do....great Blues Brother movie line that I like to quote "Don't go changin"

Anonymous said...

A screaming room - what a fantastic idea. Can you imagine going to view a house and having the estate agent walk into a room and announce 'and here we have the screaming room' I would buy it on the spot.

Self analysis is something we are doing constantly, normally when someone says or does something that makes us take another close look at ourselves - but we are what we are and no amount of self analysis is going to change what we are fundamentally. We have to accept what we are warts and all - just like your fellow writer, and embrace ourselves - then say 'sod off' to anyone who does like what they see.

Sarah Mac said...

A dart board. Yep, I need one of those in my screaming room too Todd.

Screaming helps :) x

Sarah Mac said...

I'd buy it too Lou, all this screaming in my head is deafening :)

A little self analysis is probably a good thing but sometime it gets a bit out of hand and then when you start analysing other people too ......... Haha, you are so right. I am who I am, they are who they are. Sod it :)) xx

The Rambling Pages said...

ohhh I like the screaming room idea, could do with one of those and I relate to the over analysing everything and creating different senarios in your head, it is exhausting isn't it!

Sarah Mac said...

Completely RP and pointless too. I'd love to stop.

I wish I were one of those people who can either accept or detach. (I do acceptance slightly better than detatchment but neither particularly easily :)

KC said...

Sarah Mac! So great to have come across your blog! i too over-analyze things at times and it can be annoying :( I enjoyed your writing...looking forward to reading more from you!

Anne @ Domesblissity said...

A ha! I thought so! You go Rock Chick! I thought it was you. I'm the same Sarah. Always over analysing things. I very rarely post status updates on FB. I don't feel it's necessary to let people know how I feel or what I'm doing during the day. I also have to stop myself from blogging about a particular subject because I don't want to hurt people's feelings. Stupid I know. I'd find it easier than having to confront someone about how I feel about them. LOL

Anne xx

Sarah Mac said...

Thank you KC. I'm begining to thnk it's something most of us do. I just wish most of mine wasn't in the wee small hours :) I'm pretty sure there will be lots more to read, since I've found my outlet I can't seem to stop!

My FB posts are usually very different to my blog posts Anne. I know some of my FB friends read my blog but whereas I try to keep that light almost everthing goes on here.

I did actually write a post the other night about something I'd been mulling over. I posted it and then a couple of minutes later deleted it. I've never done that before and I don't want to feel inhibited here.

Although I think of this as my space I'm concious that we do have have a responsibility to the people who take the time to read us.

Rock Chick is out tonight so watch this space :)

Jaimee Hunter said...

Visiting from the comment you left on my blog and wanted to point out a characteristic you may have forgotten about yourself. You're compasionate and wise. I love that in a character edgy and cool Rock Chick who is also compasionate and wise. Thank you for reaching out.

Sarah Mac said...

Thank you Jaimee. Your post really touched me. I hope you find a way to work through this really difficult time.

Claire said...

Loved this post! I over analyse myself too, especially what I write online. I sometimes find myself writing, editing, re-editing and sometimes deleting posts I write on my blog because my friends and family can access them through facebook. I sometimes feel like I am not being true to myself.

Sarah Mac said...

I know Claire, I feel pretty much the same. I try to write what I want to write most of the time but I do sometimes think very carefully before I publish.

Maybe we should have one day a week to write what the hell we like and sod the consequences (you first;) x