Write On Wednesdays Exercise 8 - The clock winked...Write the words "The clock winked" at the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Stop when the buzzer rings. Do this exercise over and over if you wish. Write beyond 5 minutes if you like, you can link it up as an extra post.
The clock winked, the red light mocking her. Awake again it said, alone again ….
Suddenly she had had enough of that damned clock, grabbing it with both hands she wrenched it from the wall, the leads, snapping off at the plug, whipped around and slapped her across the face.
With all her force she threw the clock across the room.
It hit the mirror on the chimney breast on the far side of the room with a satisfying crash fracturing the glass into a hundred pieces.
Her heart was pounding and she could hear the blood rushing through her veins.
In the dim light she could see herself reflected over and over in the broken mirror.
How long she wondered, how long does this go on? Surely there would come a time when it stopped?
The dream and the nightmare had become entwined in her sleep. Some of the images sharply in focus, others faded like an old sepia photograph.
She could see the bowl clearly in her mind, the delicate blue of the design on porcelain so fine that the light shone through it. The tiny chip on the base, the fine crack that ran along the rim.
The things that made it all the more precious to her, the reason he had rejected it.
The old man sitting in the corner, cloth in hand, rubbing the tarnished lamp base, seeing the beauty emerge from the layers grime, giving it new life.
Watching him walk towards her she felt a chill on her body and, glancing down, she saw she was naked. Looking straight ahead, eyes glazed, he walked straight through her, the shock took her breath away.
She felt his hand in hers, his thumb gently stroking the palm of her hand, tightening briefly.
His face above hers, looking deep into her eyes in that moment before he bent to kiss her.
Laughing, ALWAYS laughing, tears streaming down her face, washing the makeup away, leaving her aching, exhausted, so very happy.
Amongst the shattered remains of plastic and glass the red light, fuelled by the back up battery, continued to wink. The screen a series of zeros.
Awake again it said, alone again.
22 comments:
Very tense piece; excellent idea of winking digital clock!
Whoa Sarah - that was one of theose pieces that you can feel yourself reading faster and faster because you want to find out what is happening.
Go you - its fab!
:-) xxx
Thank you Adam and Lou, I was much happier with this weeks effort. x
That was great, Sarah! Like Adam mentioned, so tense. Intriguing. There's so much more I want to know. You've got me listening!!! xx
Thanks Kim, it's a continuation from the last couple of weeks. I thought I'd finished with it but it seems I haven't quite yet :)
I really liked how you started and finished with the clock, and the fine detail in describing the porcelain bowl.
Absolutely thrilling and fascinating! What an incredible piece Sarah!
Thank you Janelle, the bowl really is part of a recurring dream/nightmare I have and I can picture it really clearly.
Thanks Lene, there's a lot from the dream/nightmare that I left out but maybe it's better that way sometimes :)
Love your imagery
I was waiting for the bangle to be there on the table too!
The bangle's always there HoP. Even when it's not mentioned or seen. It's there somewhere :)
Very dramatic piece! Really enjoyed your use of similie of 'faded like an old sepia photograph' :)
As mentioned before, the idea of a winking digital clock was brilliant. I can really feel the emotion and turmoil. Can't wait to see where the story goes from here :)
Fab Sarah - just as Adam wrote, you can feel the tension in this piece.
Ah, nothing like having a good throw of something. ;)
Great stuff.
I can feel the tension in your piece, I almost wanted to break something myself by the end of it. Well done.
Hi Sarah! What a wonderful piece. I couldn't stop reading. I found myself getting faster and faster, to see what would happen. I love how you're developing this story.
(Sorry I haven't been commenting much lately. Been so busy catching up since I've been sick. I really appreciate you taking the time to stop by my blog. Hopefully I'll be caught up soon and back to regular blog hopping. xx)
Anne @ Domesblissity
A wow piece for WoW. Go you! I love the way you worked dreams into your piece. I so love dreams. They are such treasure troves of images straight from our inner-most being.
Good tension in this. I love that the clock begins and ends the piece too... and really there is nothing like a good throw of something sometimes!
I like the formatting of your text - lends itself to the tension really well. Cleverly done!
Thank you all for your comments, I've had a couple of days off and it was lovely to see them when I came back! :)
I sometimes wish I was more of a thrower of things. On the odd occasion I have it's been a great tension reliever!
The dream/nighmare snippets are real although very much shortened versions, maybe I'll expand on them at some point.
Anne, I know you haven't been well lately, I'm really pleased you are on the mend. We all get bogged down a little at times, the important thing is that you are feeling better. xx
I was completely confused by this piece - which I'm guessing is how the dream made her feel. So, that was very effective? I loved the description of the bowl, it was vivid!
Thrilling, scary and tense. I read this through a couple of times but I thought it was a very strong bit of writing. The nightmare bit was very effective. Enjoying your ongoing story, Sarah. We will work with a character next week and I think this will work well for you in particular. I love what you are doing with WoW
x
It was confusing Sif especially as the dream and the nighmare combined in this instance. It's not even particularly clear whch bits are from which. For instance, the bowl appears in the nightmare but finding it and holding it makes her happy. It's the fact that he doesn't value it because it's not perfect that makes it part of the nightmare.
Thank you Gill. I think it needed reading more than once maybe to be able to make sense of it. I think the nightmare might be effective because it's real. All the snippits of dream and nightmare are real. In this case you only see parts of them but if a prompt comes up where it seems appropriate then I will expand on them.
Im enjoying WoW very much but the thought of the character analysis is a bit daunting. I've no idea who to chose! x
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