This Too Shall Pass ... maybe

I may not be around for a while.

I know, sure and certain death for a blog right?

Well, what can I say? Maybe it's better to have a swift death than a lingering, clawing, drawn out demise.

I have tried honestly.  I said just the other day that I should either get it back on track or give it up...

Like I was told - 'back on track - anyone can give it up'.

I guess I am just anyone then...

I'm not so different.  I'm not special.  I am NOT fucking invincible!

I've tried (and I've failed) to recapture the 'zing' - it just ain't happening for me right now.

I wrote a post that should have been upbeat and fun and yeah, I guess there are a few funny bits in it but it doesn't flow, its forced, I'm trying to be something that used to come naturally to me and if I can see it then so will you.

I could give you a hundred and one reasons why.

I'll give you one.

At the moment there is a kitten wedged behind my kitchen cupboard and I cant persuade it to come out.  I haven't got a fucking clue what to do about it.  It's been there since I brought it home from the farm supposedly to domesticate it before re homing it.  Well, that was more than 12 hours ago and the poor bugger is still there.

Ive tried leaving it alone.  Ive tried tempting it out with food.  I slept for about an hour and a half last night and the sleep I did get was filled with the most horrendous nightmares that made me glad to be awake.

I'm exhausted, I'm tearful, I'm sick to fucking death of pretending to be something I'm not.

I'm probably going to have to destroy my kitchen to get that kitten out but you know what?  If it comes out in one piece and it's ok then that's fine, I don't care. It will be worth it. Sometimes you have to do whatever you can, whatever it takes to save something precious.  There are somethings you just don't give up on and this is one of them.

I just want it to be ok!

I don't even care that I'm over reacting.  That I'm putting it out there for anyone to read.  Right now, I just don't fucking care!

I'm signing out for now.  I won't say forever, nothing is forever.

Part of me wants to apologise for being so self indulgent.  Part of me feels I should count my blessings.  Part of me knows I'm being fucking selfish and probably childish.

The bigger part of me doesn't care right now.

Maybe sometime I'll remember that I'm not just anyone ... not now, but sometime ... maybe ...