Monday 7 January 2013

'WTF Are You Doing Sarah'

SD has this way of looking at me sometimes - it's almost like he's thinking 'WTF are you doing Sarah'.

In fact, SOMETIMES he actually says, 'WTF are you DOING Sarah???'

This afternoon I was minding my own business when became aware of SD watching me with THAT look on his face.

So I gave him that eyebrows raised, mouth open, shoulder shrugging kinda look back as though to say, 'isn't it obvious WTF I'm doing???' -  but STILL he said it.

So I ignored him.

There was a brief pause and then he said:

Sarah are you ... are you ...  measuring your arse???

And yes, for the record, I WAS measuring my arse and I'm pretty sure that not one of you would have felt the need to ask that question had you seen me with a tape measure stretched across my backside because, like I said, it was bleedin' obvious wasn't it?  Asking me why, well now that might just have been the more sensible question don't you think? *

Ok, sometime (just SOMETIMES mind) SD is possibly perfectly justified in giving me THAT look.

For instance:

Some time between Christmas and New Year (and I have soooo many stories to tell about that! ;) SD and I put up a new fence at the farm.

Before we could put up the new fence we had to take down the old one.  This involved removing the old uprights that were buried quite deep.

SD drove the van into the field, tied a rope to the old upright and handed the other end to me.  He got back into the van saying 'sort that out and tell me when somethings happening'.

Got to admit, I wasn't really sure what was supposed to happen next but I nodded encouragingly.

Slowly, slowly he pulled away.  'Anything?' he shouted - 'Not yet I replied' still wondering what the hell I was supposed to be looking for.

He inched forward a little more - 'Anything yet?' he shouted. 'Nothing' I replied looking around completely mystified.

Another couple of inches - 'Anything yet?' he shouted sounding a little impatient. 'Ummm, no, not really ....'

SD stuck his head out of the window, looked at me and that expression of total incredulity stole across his face.

Without a word he jumped out of the van, walked across to me, took the loose end of the rope that I'd been twirling in my hand and hooked it around the vans tow hitch ....

Oh ....

*and SD SHOULD have known the answer to that anyway!


Car said...

*snort* there is no doubt about you! id have done the same!!!

Sarah said...

Thank you Car - I was pretty sure it was him and not me - I'm sure there was absolutely no need to look at me like that ... ;)

AGuidingLife said...

why did your arse need measuring? Have you had a fit through gap issue? and what are the points of measurement for arse? Is it hip to hip or under buttock to waist? If I take one side hip to cleft and the other side under buttock to waist, can I use trigononmetry to calculate the full angle of my arse and do we already know Beyonce's so there is a comparison table? This arse life is too perplexing...but whilst I don't know my arse angle from my elbow I do know how to attach a tow rope....you muppet!

Sarah said...

Haha, it's whole new science isn't it K?

I was actually trying to measure the spread when I was sitting down having been told that the optimum size to fit into a beach buggy seat is approx 12 1/2 inches across - SD reckoned that he can tell by eye that I'm probably ok but I don't think he'd allowed for displacement of both buttocks (because, as you well know, whilst trigonmetary may be used to calculate arse angles in women, in men it's necessary to use the Binomial probability formula which give a totally different calculation) and air which he clearly hadn't taken into consideration - I mean, what if I create some kind of vacuum and end up being a permanent fixture in the bloody thing???

These things worry me!!

Lol, got to be honest - I felt a bit of a muppet re the tow rope but in my defence I was knee deep in cow shit at the time and trying not to fall flat on my face ;)x

Emma said...

Oh I LOVE it! That made ma laugh! Gotta say, I'd definitely have done the same in regards to the tow bar and rest assured my arse is MUCH bigger than yours!

Sarah said...

It's fairly typical of me Emma ;) - Oh, and my arse is much bigger than SD I suspect SD thinks it is which works for me (well, until I do get wedged in that bloody seat anyway:).

Flossing the Cat said...

Pleased to report that I, too, would have done exactly the same thing. In fact, I usually go one step further and do precisely the opposite of what is required, which means I may have proceeded to untie the loop knot, thinking I was being helpful. TBH, I go into a mini-panic every time the OH asks me to do anything car-related, for example, leave the comfort of the passenger seat to help with reversing. Aaargh. I have no idea what the correct signals and gestures are when helping out with reversing. For example, how do you signal that there are, say, 5 inches of manoeuvrable space left, as opposed to say, seven?? And as for the banging on the back of the car thing - well, is there a certain number of bangs - and does the duration of each bang - or the interval between each bang - actually matter??? Hmmm. It's a fucking minefield, but not as much of a minefield as ass measuring, granted. x

Sarah said...

I know FtC, I KNOW!!! I just bang like buggery on the back of the car usually when I'm wedged between the tow hitch and the car behind ...