Wednesday, 7 May 2014

I Used To Be Funny (part one)

Linking up with Maxabella for the Weekend Rewind.

I was re-reading a few old blog posts that I'd put into draft this morning and sniggering to myself (because you know, I used to be funny) so I thought I'd start a ...


It may well go the way of all my previous brilliant ideas ie nowhere and I did ask a friend for inspiration when I was trying to decide which post to choose but he was no help at all (I suspect he can't remember any of them!) so I'm going to start it off with this post entitled:

Exposing Myself To The Neighbours (AGAIN).

There's nothing worse than thinking the hamster's dead and then discovering the hamster is indeed dead!

This morning I discovered Figgy in his wheel.  the wheel is sealed and fits to the rotostack with entry by means of a tube.  How the fuck are you supposed to get a dead hamster out of THAT?

It's pretty hard to tell if a hamster is dead or just sleeping so I span the wheel a bit just to check.  A live hamster probably would have woken up rather than just thudding around (in a solid fat hamster kind of way ...).

The only solution seemed to bury poor Figgy in his wheel which is kind of gross as it's not biodegradable so next year Id probably be accidentally digging up his decomposed remains in a bright yellow plastic coffin.

Anyhow, turns out Figgy isn't dead after all, phew!

This is supposed to be a post about my frankly hilarious (judge for yourselves and then lie and tell me I'm right ;) and completely ignored Twitter tweets (seems there should be a better way of putting that).  I re posted a couple on FB because, well because I require the adulation and gratification which was sadly lacking in Twitter land. For good measure I may throw in a couple of FB status updates that didn't make it as far as Twitter and maybe just one or two random thoughts that ought to really just stay in my head.

So to start you off, here are the tweets that the twits ignored ...

'Hormones may turn me into a complete bitch at times but boy they get the house clean! (and, if I don't want to clean it, I just break it')

'Arse, gloss paint - elbow, emulsion - yes doubters, I KNOW the difference! '

'Without GHD's my hair would probably qualify for it's own postcode! ' (this one had previously appeared on FB but given the state of my hair on that day was worthy of a rerun)

'just looked in the mirror - it gonna be another day of relying heavily on personality and mouthwash - mostly mouthwash to be fair ... '


joeh said...

Still funny.

Oh, and I've learned that arse is somehow way funnier than ass, but Im not sure it would work for me.

Sarah said...

You possibly need to be English to get the right inflection into your arse Joe ;-)

Beth said...

LOL!! Now why in the world as I am reading this post am I thinking about Stephanie Plum and her hamster in the books written by Janet Evanovich?? If you would have mentioned a Joe Morelli I wouldn't have been surprised. Funny post!

Roan said...

Yep funny! You should write more.

Sarah said...

I'm going to have to google Stephanie Plum Beth - that hamster was the bane of my life dying on a regular basis like that (he did eventually pass away but even that had an element of the ridiculous!).

Thank you Roan - I did and I will :-)

Slamdunk said...

Entertaining writing. And I agree--you should do ti more. Long live Figgy!

Sarah said...

Ummm, yes Slamdunk - although he is actually dead now .... but in principle (or should that be principal? Don't know - should check but haven't) ;-)

Sonia LifeLoveandHiccups said...

I completely suck at twitter so cant help you much there, but damn you are funny! Oh and Knob just so happens to be my favorite way to describe an asshole in front of my kids... at least until they figure out that I am bullshitting them when I say I called him a knob because he annoys me like a door knob does when you bump into it.... yep lame, They are probably so on to me already ;)

Sarah said...

I should have said that I gave up on Twitter so don't bother following me, it could be very boring ;-) - Ha ha, yep, they are SO on to you!

Robyn de Beer said...

Hahaha!! If I ignored you on twitter it's just because I am so rubbish at that I don't know what I'm doing half the time!! How's the hamster doing??

Sarah said...

I forgive you for being equally rubbish Robyn - ummm, Figgys not so good these days - part three will explain all :-)