fudge

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

THINGS!! - aka The Scourge Of The Self Checkout

I first published this post way, waaaay back in April 2011 which means it was one of the very first posts I wrote for Fudge.

I was browsing through FB just now (whilst looking sideways at my 'to do' list half hidden by my coffee cup on the table ...) and I saw this from Romina, a lovely (and inconceivably beautiful friend) who ventures far too rarely over to her blog these days.

Anyhow, it reminded me ...






THINGS happen to me!

Now, I'm not convinced (however many people tell me otherwise) that THINGS don't happen to other people too.



This new craze for self checkout in supermarkets for instance. Never yet has it given me the 'seamless shopping experience' it promises. Why does it talk to me if it doesn't want me to answer back? 'Unexpected item in bagging area' is the favourite! Why wasn't it expecting it? I just bloody scanned it didn't I? 'Please remove item from bagging area', which one? I have 12!!! ' Please wait for assistance', flashing lights, loud beeping, everyone's looking at me like I'm trying to make off with 3 bananas, a twin pack of loo roll and a packet of custard creams!

My children now prefer not to shop with me, it always ends in (my) tears but, unsuspecting friends still insist I use the self checkout despite my protestations, telling me its so quick, so easy, what can I say MORE FOOL THEM, they learn the hard way.

Sainsburys last week, 'friend' use the self checkout, 'me' no, 'friend' use the self checkout, 'me' noooo, 'friend' use the damn self check out will you, 'me' ok. Five items required three visits from the assistant with their magic swipe card and then, just when you would think nothing else could go wrong, I emptied the contents of my purse into the little change compartment (don't you love it when you do that and the total cost of your shopping is four pounds ninety eight, your change that you've poured in comes to four pounds eleven and you only have a ten pound note to pay the balance, you end up with more change than you were trying to get rid of!).

Anyway, I digress, this time, the machine happily swallowed my money but the screen still flashed, 'please insert coins or notes to the value of your shopping' It had EATEN my money! No flashing light, no beeping, no bloody call for assistance. I stood there jumping up and down waving my arms (my 'friend' long gone) until eventually I attracted the notice of an assistant. Followed lots of head scratching and 'are you sure you put the money in', Yeees. 'I'll just call someone else' and 'I think we need a supervisor' by which time I was hanging my head in shame.

Have you ever seen the inside workings of one of those machines? Fascinating! Ten minutes unlocking various bits, tracing the path my money should have taken, 'are you sure you put the money in', YEEES before finally, they located it. A further five minutes to put the machine back together and then, THEY EXPECTED ME TO DO IT ALL AGAIN!

14 comments:

Brighton Pensioner said...

Nothing, but nothing beats a machine for ****ing things up! Don't try the Fastrack scan it yourself system at said store for pity's sake!

Sarah said...

I can't help it BP, I'm addicted - I keep thinking 'this time I will win!!' - I never do though ...

Kate N said...

I'm with you, I hate those things! Everything is unexpected, everything needs assistance and it drives me mental! I'd much rather use a checkout with a cashier, then I can convince myself I'm helping keep them in a job :) lol

joeh said...

I am not ready yet to accept that those machines actually work.

Sarah said...

They don't Joe, they really don't! But maybe next time I use one it will ...

ann said...

I once used the self checkout and nothing went wrong. I checked for pigs flying!!
Too funny, thanks for the laugh!!

Sarah said...

I'm not sure I can believe that without the photographic evidence Ann ;-)

Sarah said...

I'm already a bit mental Kate but those things don't help!

K Ville said...

I recall yelling at a self-checkout once "Why don't you just fuck off" and everyone around gave me disgusted and 'how could you looks' and I know it was all pretence, I know they wanted to say it too. Any -hoo the other day a joyous member of sainsburys staff was persistently trying to get me to use self-checkout the other night and I politely explained that I would rather eat my own excrement and would she mind awfully opening up a till. I can't believe the filfthy look she gave me - unfair I thought - I could have just said "No bloody way love. I'd rather eat my own shit', honestly I wonder why I make the effort to be polite sometimes ;)

Holly Hollyson said...

I feel your pain. I am always so flustered I end up forgetting my cash back to boot!

Jenny Woolf said...

I have heard that these machines dont actually save time or anything else. I had read they were phasing them out. Then yesterday I noticed our local Waitrose had put them in. I tried one and it had frozen on the last customer's shopping. I tried the next and it went blank. The third seemed confused that I had used my own bag. So I joined the queue and will do so in future.

Sarah said...

They usually open one up especially for me these days K, they know it's going to save time in the long run ...

Me too Holly, ME too!

Makes sense Jenny, I'm pretty sure they only put them in so they can have a laugh at our expense!

Roan said...

In only use those self check outs if I have 1 or maybe 2 items. Otherwise, I'm that chick in the photo!

Mike @ A Bit About Britain said...

I refuse to use these things. Until I read your post, I thought it was just me. That I was alone. That I was somehow...lacking...incompetent. Now I can cope, secure that there are others out there. I hope you will form an appropriate focus/therapy group. Then, one day, we can strike back.