This week: RINGING
It's been a while since I joined in with FSF so I'm a bit rusty but it's good to be back.
Sunlight shone through her closed eyelids turned her world into a dappled kaleidoscope of golden dots.
A soft breeze carried the promise of contentment on green scented breath.
The rhythmic slapping of water against wood lulled her with a soothing symphony as she drifted on the outgoing tide.
As an insistent buzzing shattered the calm a slight smile touched the corners of her mouth.
With a seamless motion, eyes still closed she reached down and dropped the phone over the side of the boat.
As an insistent buzzing shattered the calm a slight smile touched the corners of her mouth.
With a seamless motion, eyes still closed she reached down and dropped the phone over the side of the boat.
6 comments:
very picturesque. I love the peace and calm you have painted here and the ending is brilliant; what we'd all like to do with technology at times but are to scared to. xx
Sarah, you've written a lovely scene, definitely calm :)). I can just imagine being the woman realizing it would be wonderful to have a 'ring free' existence. Well done.
When I first read this, I thought, "This is a poem." I read it again and it came out like this:
Sunlight shines through her closed eyelids;
The world a dappled kaleidoscope of golden dots.
A soft breeze;
Contentment on green scented breath.
The rhythmic slapping of water;
A soothing symphony on the outgoing tide.
An insistent buzzing shatters the calm;
A slight smile touched the corners of her mouth.
With eyes still tightly shut
The phone is dropped over the side of the boat.
Nice descriptions in your story - which makes it very easy to make it into a poem!
I am sure you can guess my favorite part. Definitely would like to drop my iPhone in the nearest large body of water. Come to think of it, I'd like a boat, too. And maybe ... never mind.
I've missed your fiction pieces and hope you keep writing them.
A great read, I am totally with her, drown the blasted cellphone and enjoy the blissful quiet and sense of peace! We all need to turn it off now and then!
Thank you Lizzie - it's what Ive been trying to do metaphorically (even if I haven't quite had the courage to do it literally ;).
Thanks Jo-Anne - wouldn't it be great!
Really like what you've done with it KRS - I do write the ocassional bit of poetry but it tends to be very different in style to this (more of the Pam Ayres variety) but I like the idea of my words flowing like poetry.
I miss the fiction too FC and although I enjoy FSF I'm looking for somewhere for longer pieces too (you know how I like to waffle ;) - As ever there is a lot of me and the place I am/would like to be in my fiction
Yes we do Josie - sometimes you just have to switch off so that you can appreciate the things that really matter :)
Post a Comment