Thursday, 22 October 2015

All Is NOT As It Seems ... And How I was NEARLY A Millionaire!

'I can almost trim the hair on my legs with the nail scissors'

I observe my beautiful shining daughter with her fresh, unlined face, her glossy, thick hair, her carefully arched brows and her newly painted nails ...

And I must confess, I wondered ...

I wondered what other horrors lurked beneath this gorgeous exterior?

Has her body in adolescence also become covered in scales like a fish?

Does she now possess claws like a chicken in place of feet?


Seriously though, I LOVE having a daughter, she steals borrows my clothes (and looks SO much better in them than I do) - I borrow try on her clothes (and she looks SO much better in them than I do ...).

She lets me know when I have glitter in my moustache or scrambled egg in my hair.

She tells me when I'm dressed 'age inappropriately' and I always generally ignore her.

We have competitions to see who has the longest tongue (she won), who can pull the freakiest faces (pretty even). who has the longest toe hair (Miss Mac by a mile!) and who can touch the top of the door frame with their foot (I am quietly proud to say I was the winner although I did fall over and now can't stand completely straight ...).

Miss Mac has been contemplating the forthcoming festive season.

FAR too early in my humble opinion!

SHE is of the opinion that we should invest in some new Christmas decorations ...

Now I'll admit that some of mine ARE pretty ancient and some are broken and nothing matches but they have HISTORY and although they might be fairly crap they do have a certain familiarity which I find comforting.

Anyway, have you SEEN the price of new decorations???

Actually, I haven't because I haven't looked and I don't intend to when I can ....



You won't be when you see them ...

I don't know how I came to be googling what to do with the cardboard inners from loo rolls.  Possibly I was trying to placate SD who is perplexed at how much of the stuff Miss Mac and I can get through (honestly, it's like kitchen rollgate and wet towelgate ALL OVER AGAIN!!!).

Maybe I thought that if I could come up with some ingenious use for the spent loo roll inners then he would see the advantage of having a world surplice and in addition to that our recycling box wouldn't be over flowing with the things.

I found some fairly crappy ideas (geddit?  Loo roll/crappy?).  I could make wall art out of them:

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 Not really my thing ...

I could plant seedlings in them:

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But that's what I have Janet for, she grows all my seedlings ...

I could even make faux birch napkin rings out of them!!!

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I might try that one. SO handy when you can't find your regular napkin rings don't you think ....

So anyway, I had a think and then I had a rummage through the cupboard under the stairs where I chuck everything and cant find anything my craft cupboard and I found some self adhesive silver glitter paper that I'd used to cover the shoe box for Miss Mac's birthday cake:

For those who missed that MASTERPIECE (those are actually cupcakes on the top)

I looked at the glitter paper and I looked at the loo roll inners and a plan formed in my head ...

I actually started with the inner from a kitchen roll holder as we had one of those that was inexplicably used up too.

I quickly cover one with the paper.  Cut it lenghtwise to open it up.  Measured out the strips and cut them into lengths and then joined them up sticking them with sellotape.

SD won't let me have a hot glue gun however much I crave one.  He says he can't spare the time to constantly take me up to A&E to have stuff surgically removed after I've stuck myself to it which I think is VERY unfair because it's my friend Claire who superglued herself to the toilet cistern and it was also Claire who had to drive to my house with a brush tangled in her fringe so that I could cut it out for her.  I've NEVER had to go to A&E with a foreign object stuck to my person (although there was that one time I when I stuck a wooden spatula to my ankle when I tried to wax my legs and I had to walk around like that for several hours before I could pluck up the courage to rip it off ...)


It didn't look TOO bad

But you could see where I'd marked the inside with marker pen and the sellotape looked messy so I thought I'd try again ...

I decided to try again with a loo roll inner.

I cut this one lengthwise first and then covered BOTH sides with the glitter paper before cutting it into strips.

Then I remembered that Miss Mac had some double sided sellotape for mounting photos for her photography course so I rummaged under her bed until I found it and stuck them together with that.

It looked GREAT and I was considering where I could hang my masterpiece once it was finished when I heard a popping sound.

The double sided tape hadn't held and this is what I was left with:

After all my hard work!!!

If I had a hot glue gun that would NEVER have happened would it?

The little picture in my head of me opening my own Etsy shop and selling all this cool stuff I'd made with loo roll inners exploded into nothingness all because SD thinks I can't be trusted with a bit of hot glue!

If he only he had a bit more faith in me we could have all been millionaires!!


joeh said...

Oh for God sake I can't read about your decorations because I can't get over the TOE HAIR!! For the love of God, please trim your toe hairs!

Sarah said...

Ha ha, you didn't miss much Joe. I don't have ANY toe hair (weirdly enough it was something a doctor once remarked on as it can be an indication of some medical ailments) but Miss Mac has a little. I'll suggest she trims it while she has the scissors out.

Holly Hollyson said...

I would probably win the longest toe hair competition. I am like a hobbit. Miss Mac is bloody stunning!

Val said...

She is so pretty. I'm sure she has tastefully styled her toe hair (no, I do NOT want a picture, because toe hair is on a toe, which is attached to a foot). Joe should be more open-minded about a lady's furry bits. Of course I am allowed the uproar over feet. That's different.

SD is only protecting you from yourself. The spatula waxed to your leg kind of put the icing on his refusal cake.

Sarah said...

Toe hair may become a thing at some point Holly so hang on to it! Miss Mac is pretty lovely isn't she :-).

I DID hesitate to mention toe hair just in case you popped by Val and I kept my promise never to post a photo of feet again.

SD does FEEL like he's protecting me from myself and I DO give him grounds for his concerns I know but hot glue looks like SO much fun ...

Mike @ A Bit About Britain said...

Just when you thought you had it taped. I wouldn't get bogged down in this if I were you. Perhaps you can find another use, in loo of decorations. Perhaps a cisternatic approach and, before long, you'll be flushed with success. I'm sure SD is simply concerned about you coming to a sticky end. I am so sorry - it's a condition I have. Your daughter, like mine, is beautiful - I don't know how they do it.

Sarah said...

I am groaning over here Mike ;-) - I have no idea how they do it, I'd like to say it's hereditary but I'd be kidding myself a little I think.

Polly said...

I'm groaning too, Mike is so clever. Miss Mac is absolutely beautiful. If that first loo roll dec, was sprayed gold it might look quite nice.

Emma Kate at Paint and Style said...

Um, nice pile of sparkly bits! Honestly hot glue guns aren't all that. They leave these tendrils of glue over everything and the glue cools very fast so you have to act fast. It's all quite messy.
10/10 for perseverance! x