Friday 28 June 2013

A photo for Friday

Linking up with Allison at The Fibro where this weeks theme fir the rewind is SHORT.

Well, they dont come much shorter, posts OR dresses ;-)


And if course I'd forgotten it was Friday.
Well, I've banged on about this bloody dress/poncho/scarf/tabard whatever its really supposed to be enough so here it is ...
Hit or miss - I can't decide.

Knocking The Cup Over

Did I say a couple of weeks ago that life was so good something must be about to go horribly wrong?

I bloody jinxed myself didn't I?

In the last couple of weeks my camera has broken. Lens error which means it won't retract and is apparently unmeandable AND its only a couple of months out of guarantee AND I bought it from bloody Jesspos who went belly up a couple of months ago!

My internet at home has gone from erratic to non existant and so far no one knows why.

Then, to top it all, today I discovered that Whatsapp ( a free messaging app I use quite a lot for some people) has uninstalled itself AGAIN on my phone and won't reinstall as it says its already installed!!!

Bloody technology is out to get me I tell you!

I'm also becoming rather too well known at my local Mambos as I try desperately to keep in touch with the virtual world. I'm half ecpecting them to put a plaque with my name on it on this table.

On the plus side, my house is spotless, I even cleaned the bathroom ceiling this morning with sugar soap and bleach ( which incidentally smells of wee - sugar soap that is NOT my bathroom - that is a toxic mass of competing chemicals, hence I am at the pub breathing in fried food and fag smoke - an easy way to heart disease without actually having to make the effort to actually eat or smoke!).

Not all is bad in my world though. I'm off to the races this weekend which, if the weather is nice should be fun and I'm hopeful that my internet problems will be resolved soon.

Big thanks to Slapdash Mama for pointing me in the direction of the blogger app, sooo much easier!!

Back properly soon (I hope).

Have a great weekend whatever you are up to.

Thursday 27 June 2013

The Lounge - The Pub and Phone Edition

So today we are freestyling over at The Lounge with Slapdash Mama the only stipulation is that you use the word bacon in your post - well, thats me done then ;-)

Seriously though, normally Id be like a pig in muck, positively revelling in pithy porcine prose but to be honest, Im more just in the shit!

Bloody tinternet STILL isnt working at home and I am blogging from my phone people!!!

I may or may not have spell check. I may or may not be able to publish this.  It'll be a bloody miricle if I can link it to either the Fudge FB page OR The Lounge but I am nothing if not game (which BACON is not incidently).

I have SO much to tell you but Im fairly sure that Im going to spend an hour typing all this just for it to disappear without a trace so Im just going to give you a few highlights.

* No internet = spotless house and immaculate garden.

* Items found under Miss Macs bed = 7 empty water bottles, 12 used makeup wipes, 1 very dusty malteaser ( brifely considered eating it) and 27p which I am keeping!

* whilst I maintain that anyone CAN where leggings Im not sure anyone SHOULD with a crop top and heels (but I shall refrain from telling the girl Im looking at).

* I have NO room to judge having apparently bought myself a tabbard in mistake for a dress

* I love bacon almost as much ( but not quite) as I hate blogging from my phone!!

I will return with a proper post at some point - bear with me ...

Friday 21 June 2013

Sarah Says Stuff ( and so do other people...)

I have something of a love/hate relationship with quotes - on the one hand I LOVE quotes - I love words I love things that really mean something and send a message.

I know, I know, you re shaking your heads in disbelief aren't you - come on, you can admit it!  If you've read much of my blog you'll know I often drivel on without meaning anything or sending any kind of message at all.

I KNOW that people but it doesn't mean I don't appreciate a good quote.

A very long time ago I wrote a post with my interpretation of some Winnie The Pooh quotes - I love that little bear who, unlike my own Bear of Little Brain sometimes has a way of saying exactly what I'm thinking but so much more eloquently.

I've posted a couple of Poohisms on Fudges FB page recently, mostly to be honest to counteract all the crappy inspirational/educational claptrap that seems to clog up my news feed on a daily basis (mostly on my personal FB rather than the blog one to be fair).

It shits me people, it really does!!!  Why would I want a picture of a tree or a boat or a rainbow with a stupid anal comment attached?  Is it going to make me think?  Is it going to change my life??  Is it going to give me a feel good glow???

No, no and NO!

What it does it make me want to repeatedly bitch slap the person who posted it which probably makes me a bitch but hey, I never said I was perfect.

I know - I've used this one before but it makes you think ;-)

Actually, I generally ignore them (after a little eye rolling and muttering 'get a life ffs') because I know Im being a bitch but seriously?  There are so many great quotes out there that you cant find something better to post?

Personal favs of mine are, as mentioned, Winnie the Pooh (or AA Milne in general) - Grouco Marx - Erma Bombeck and Abraham Lincoln.

This Winnie the Pooh quote so reminds me of ...  well, my life actually:

“Now then, Pooh," said Christopher Robin, "where's your boat?"
"I ought to say," explained Pooh as they walked down to the shore of the island, "that it isn't just an ordinary sort of boat. Sometimes it's a Boat, and sometimes it's more of an Accident. It all depends."
"Depends on what?"
"On whether I'm on the top of it or underneath it.” 

Anyway, I'm thinking of doing a new series - I KNOW - exciting no???

I've been so crap good at keeping up with my Photo For Friday - shit, that's TODAY isn't it ...

Ok, here's a quickie I took the other day before I ate it:

Yes, it's Christmas pudding and yes, I KNOW it's June - is there a problem with that?

And of course I've got my other series going, 'shooting from the hip' - another photo series where I take photos of my legs/feet in different locations because .... well, because I CAN!

So, I thought I could call this BRAND NEW SERIES aniquoteies (anti quote ies) and post serious shit like:

'Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend, inside of a dog it's too dark to read' Grocho Marx -  or:

'My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?' Erma Bombeck

And, one of my all time favourites (and actually a serious one this time):

'Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be' Abraham Lincoln.

See, those are all factual and true not a load of crappy tree hugging shit that makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a teaspoon.

And sometimes I might just make shit up of my own because actually,  I sometimes think insightful things too you know ;-)

What do you think?

Antiquoties yes or no??

nb.  I'm going to do it anyway so that was just a rhetorical question - want to read my Antiquoties then you'll need to pop over to the Fudge Face book page where Sarah says stuff.

Thursday 20 June 2013

I Am Not The Alien - The Lounge Addition

This week The Lounge is being hosted by Robomum and the topic is Ranting and Raving.

Well, I struggled a bit at first - I seriously couldn't think of anything to rant about so I took a  quick look through some past posts to see if I had anything that fitted the bill.

I found this and I remembered my frustration when I first started using my new phone.  I could barely get the bloody thing to switch on let alone DO anything with it.

This is a transcript of the very first text conversation I had on my Android:

I Am Not The Alien - It's An Effing Android!!!

Today I had my arm twisted  decided it was about time I stopped being such a whoose  and started using my 'new' phone (hmmm, that would actually be the one I got for Christmas!).

Yep, I can do this,  how hard can it possibly it be?

Judge for yourself. This is the conversation I had earlier with, well, lets just call him M (you KNOW who you are!).

M: How's your evening going - are you having fun with your new phone :)

Me: Not er

Me: Fuck

M: Lots of swearing today Mrs Mac!!!

Me: ,

M: And random commas?

Me: Lol, bastard phl

Me: Lp

Me: Fuck it

M: It's amazing - every swear word is spelt perfectly!!

Me: Whag

Me: ,

Me: B

Me: N

Me: N

Me: N

M:  What? - It's like talking to a demented alien!

Me: Haha, I give up! C

M: Don't give up - are you trying to type on a phone type keypad?

Me: No

M: On a proper qwerty keypad?

Me: Yes fuckin thing

M: You must have very fat fingers to type that badly - turn the phone sideways

Me: ok tg

Me: Fuck off my finbers arent fat

Me: Finbers

Me: Arse, fongerz

I think that went pretty well really ...............

Tuesday 18 June 2013

My Precious Girl

I've re read this post which was supposed to be many things really but somehow deviated from it's course a little as I typed.  The posts are stacking up in my head but somehow not making it onto the blog.  I need to sit down and unravel my brain a little.  

I've read two posts today by two very different people who have managed to do just that.  One is a beautiful post from my lovely blogging friend Feisty Cat where she transported me to the other side of the world and shared her day with her words.  The other is by possibly one of the best writers I have ever come across, Mr London Street who manages to transfix with a post about a worn red chair, but then, everything he write just sucks me in.

It seems like a while since I've been able to separate things out and give my full attention to any one thing.

Sometimes you need to remember to do that so you don't lose the ends of the thread in the tangle of life.

There was a thunder storm last night.  The day preceding it had been hot and humid.  I made the mistake yesterday morning of assuming that, because the sky was grey and overcast, it would be cold and so I dressed in jeans and my faithful Uggs with a long sleeved tee shirt and headed into town.

Within half an hour I'd discarded the tee shirt in favour of the vest top Id thankfully worn underneath.  I only wished I could have taken off my boots too, and I did seriously consider going barefoot!

I cut my shopping short and returned home to shower and change into shorts and flip flops before heading back out to hunt down a tiny elusive computer shop I was sure was still riding out the recession somewhere at the far end of town.

My life occasionally seems out of control, like the thunder storm, different elements build, generating power until the overload switch cuts in and all the elements collide and explode in a maelstrom of noise and flashing lights.

On Saturday my Internet connection failed.  I set and reset the router over and over, I switched it off and left it alone.  I switched it back on and left it alone.  I sat mindlessly clicking that switch on and off time after time but still no reassuring flashing light to tell me that it had once again connected me to the rest of the virtual world.

I was completely bereft.

I couldn't even resort to checking my email on my phone as it's on pay as you go with no data roaming so I was completely cut off.

No email, no Face book, no blog, no ....  ANYTHING!!!

I'm not a computer geek.  My computer was given to me by a friend who was updating and it's practically steam powered.  It grinds and rumbles and chatters away like a pair of old women gossipping over a tea cosy clad pot in a fuggy kitchen.  It refused to connect wirelessly to the net so it's currently sitting in my front room snuggled up to the sofa with the monitor on what would probably be the telephone table if I had a land line these days.  I sit parallel to it as a type with a crick in my neck and the keyboard resting on my knees.  Occasionally I'll swivel the monitor around and change to the other sofa which sits in the nook of the bay window and turn my head the other way to try and stretch the muscles in my neck a little.

The thing is, none of this bothers me particularly.  I don't feel the need for all singing, all dancing, technological wizardry.  All I need is something that WORKS!

But it wasn't ....

The weekend was busy as ever.  I honestly don't remember Saturday very clearly.

Miss Mac had spent the previous night at a friends house.  A belated birthday party, or so I was told!

Miss Mac has recently turned 14.  She's tall, she's beautiful, she's bright and funny and we are close, so much closer than I ever thought we would be at one point (but that's another story maybe to be shared one day).  I've had to reign her in just a little recently.  She's been out just that little bit longer than agreed, she's answered back (or pressed her point depending on who's view you take) just a little too much and it's unsettled me.  She's growing up and stretching her wings and that's a GOOD thing but she's still only 14 and I'm still the boss and she's needed reminding of that just a little.

And so I allowed her to go to the party.  The party of a friend who's parents I know.  Who's parents have taken Miss Mac with them on holiday and who's daughter has accompanied us on trips away and it didn't cross my mind to check the details with them  because I had no reason to mistrust her.

So, the party was real but what I (and other parents) were unaware of was that Miss Mac's friends parents were totally unaware of it.  That in fact they weren't even at home.  That they had arranged for their daughter to spend the night with another friend because they wouldn't be back until the next day.

Had it not been for the fact that they mentioned this to a neighbour I doubt any of us would have been any the wiser but the neighbour, having seen lights on in the house, went to investigate and discovered the party in progress.

Luckily no real PHYSICAL harm was done.  The house was undamaged, it hadn't been invaded by hoards of unsuitable strangers, no one was drunk but they had all shattered the faith that we as parents had in them.

I'm not angry.  Well, apart from the fact that I see this as a huge invasion of someone elses home.  But I am deeply disappointed in Miss Mac.  I remember being 14.  It's a while ago now and I'm pretty sure Miss Mac thinks I can't possibly understand but I do!  I understand the excitement.  I understand about feeling invincible.  I understand wanting to push the boundaries.  I DO understand.

But I also see the dangers that she dismisses as something that couldn't possibly happen to her and I understand that feeling too!

I'm not a hard line parent.  I don't know how to be and I don't want to be.  I want my children to be able to talk to me, to know I will listen and to know I will hear them.

And so, yes Miss Mac is grounded with no Internet access (which is miraculously working again somehow) but to be honest, that isn't the punishment it could be this week as all of her other friends are grounded too!

I have taken away her phone and I have insisted I have her Face book password and yes, I have checked her texts and her FB messages and I haven't felt particularly good about doing it or feeling that I needed to and no, I haven't found anything untoward which she told me I wouldn't but she broke my trust and I felt she needed to fully appreciate that.

Her punishment isn't really being grounded.  Her punishment is knowing that I'm disappointed in her.  Her punishment is knowing that she needs to regain my trust and, that until I feel she has learned that lesson I WILL be checking up on her and she won't have the privacy or freedom that every 14 year old wants and should have as they learn to be an adult because she has shown me very clearly that she isn't ready for that just yet.  Or maybe it's that I'm not ready for her to have it just yet ....  I know I'm not ready to be deceived, to be told half truths (and she still maintains that she didn't actually LIE - well, no, technically, she didn't.  But she didn't tell me the truth either).

It's not the worst thing that could have happened, I know that.  My job is to make sure that the worst things don't happen because Miss Mac has this big, bright, wonderful future ahead of her and I want her to go into it fully prepared and to grab every chance that comes her way.

She's growing up but she will always be my precious girl.

Friday 14 June 2013

A Photo For Friday

I've been very lax about my photo for Friday series after a very good start (those of you who may have missed my previous efforts may want to catch Miss Mac doing a little Mac yogi or the GIANT hair grips and the tiny elastic bands of even the legend that was my Jaffa Cake box - a personal fav and possibly the pinnacle of my photography success!).

After a frankly AMAZING time last weekend spent mostly lazing in the sun I took a photo of my feet (as you do) and stuck it on Facebook (as ummm, you do .... don't you???) - actually I've made it my cover photo because I was so impressed with my skilz.

I take quite a lot of photos of my feet, some even intentional - and selfies with my legs in them because how else do you get yourself into a selfie without the aid of a mirror? So I thought I could start a brand new series of selfies (obviously I WILL still be doing the odd guest appearance in a random bathroom/public toilet selfe with my foot on the sink - don't panic - I know they have a following ....).

I thought I could call it - 'The View From This End' or 'Crotch Shots' (possibly not that one though - I still have a lot of random hits after mentioning Hogtied JUST THE ONCE!!!) - I could call it 'Foot Fetish Friday' or 'Foot Fotos' (see what I did there???) or 'Digital Digets'  or 'Corns, carbuncles (do you get them on your feet?  What's a carbuncle anyway???) and cracked heels or '  Titillating Toes' (Toetilating?) ...

Or I could just post this one photo, get over it and channel my creative energies into a more worthwhile cause - I am undecided!

Anyway, as I've been pulled up in the past for not giving proper credit I'd just like to say that SA suggested told me I had to post this one on Fudge.

I'm sure you'd all like to thank him ;-)

Oh, and I'll also be linking up a different post with Allison over at Life In A Pink Fibro for the Weekend Rewind so if you want to read my post on 'Lessons' (it's one of my expert guides ;) then follow just follow the link.

Also (flush with the success of several new likers) - don't forget you can find People Don't Eat Enough Fudge on Facebook where, if you 'like' me, I will drop random bits of crap pearls of wisdom into your life on a fairly regular basis :-)

Thursday 13 June 2013

Free Styling The Lounge Way

It's freestyle week over at the Lounge hosted this week by Rachel at The Very Inappropriate Blog.  Basically that means you can write whatever the hell you like (I think) or link up an old post or .. whatever.

I'm struggling to commit to anything much at the moment.  I've got so much going on that I'm actually welcoming the lists SD leaves me (I shit you not - that ones taken ME by surprise too!) so I don't forget anything.  I'm still confused a little by yesterdays list of things to get while I was out ending in scrubbers though - I means seriously?  Broadminded I might be but don't you think that's just taking advantage of my easy going nature?)

Anyhow, being that I have NO TIME and FAR TOO MUCH TO DO I picked two number - the first being the page number of my post list and the second for the actual post I would rewind today and so you lucky people get to read about me having my coil changed.

Yep, you really hit the jackpot there didn't you (which believe me is preferable to the ceiling which I hit on several occasions!).  So, here it is - sometime earlier this year:

The Coiled Cat

So when Kate asked me what I had planned for the rest of the day I managed to resist the temptation to say, 'just about anything that doesn't involve me taking my knickers off!'

When the alert on my phone went off at 7:30 the other morning to remind me that I had something I had to do I cant say that I was overjoyed to discover it was having my coil changed.

I sat in the waiting room opposite an elderly lady, contemplating the way her stockings fell in folds around her ankles. Or possibly she just had stocking coloured wrinkled ankles, I couldn't really be sure ...

'Do you have blood pressure dear' she enquired.

'Lets hope so' I replied.

'Im here for mine' she said fumbling in her massive bag pulling out a bottle and waving it me.

'Ah', I said, trying to look knowledgeable.
'Oh dear, she said, peering at the label, I think these are my cats worming tablets, it's so easy to get these things mixed up isn't it  ...?'

'Are you here for your blood pressure?'

Briefly I thought about broadcasting the reason for my visit to the whole waiting room before saying 'yeeesss, I'm here for my blood pressure too!'

Thankfully the lovely Kate called me in.  I feel we are old friends now as she did my smear test just a few weeks ago.

Dr D will be with us shortly (only doctors are qualified to actually change coils).

Pop behind the curtain, pop off your lower garments, pop onto the couch and pop that piece of paper over yourself she said with a smile.

I duly popped.

Three children has not in anyway stopped that feeling of complete exposure and awkwardness in situations like this.

Kate and I made small talk.  From time to time she checked her computer which confirmed that Dr D was still with her last patient.

We covered everything from decorating to holidays, car boot sales to motor bikes and eventually fell into an uncomfortable silence.

Kate bustled around rearranging some frankly terrifying looking instruments, swabs etc while I pleated the paper covering my modesty.

The clock ticked. -  I tried to avoid looking at the trolley next to the couch -
I continued to pleat and fold the paper, look, see ...:

Ok, maybe those aren't mine but much longer and Dr D might possibly have found Kate I wearing one of these each!

  I'll just pop next door and see what the hold up is said Kate - off she popped.

Somehow lying there half naked but for a small piece of blue paper on my own staring at the ceiling waiting for the door to open was even worse than idle chit chat with a surgical glove wearing nurse holding a huge metal implement.

And then the door opened and in came Kate and Dr D.

'Hello Mrs Mac she beamed  how are we today?'

'Well, I'm half naked and you are about to insert a foreign object into my body so I'd say the prospect is possibly making us both feel a little uneasy' I said.

'And, given that you are about to become very closely acquainted with my cervix, please feel free to call me Sarah' I added.

We all chuckled ( me slightly hysterically)  ...

I'm going to kind of skim over the next bit, you really don't need or want to know the details but here are a few snippets, thoughts, and musing that went through my mind over the next 20 minutes or so:

'I wonder who wants to be here less, me or them ...?' (I mused)

'This ones not long enough, hand me the BIG Mofo implement' (Dr D - ok, in reality she may have said 'I need a longer speculum, but that's what I HEARD dammit!)

'Kate has such a lovely smile' (another of my musings)

'Im just going to clip you cervix' - 'What the FUCK - DID YOU SAY CLIP IT???' (Dr D, shortly followed by me).
'You're doing really well.' (Kate reassuringly)

'Maybe not so really when you consider my only alternative is to leap off the table whilst my cervix is catapulted to the other side of the room ...  (another oh so amusing musing;)

'More light, I need more light!' (Dr D)

'You mean that 1000 watt light you're scorching my arse with, the one that's currently giving a whole new meaning to the phrase burning bush isn't enough???' (no idea if I said that out loud or not)

'Hold this in place, I'm going in (Dr D - I SWEAR those were her exact words!)

'Oh dear, your cervix seems to have gone into spasms'. (Dr D)

'Can you fucking BLAME it?  My whole body is in spasms and the bits that aren't WOULD be if only they weren't suffering 2nd degree burns!' (I said that, I'm SURE I said that!)

'I'll just apply a little anaesthetic gel and try again shall I?' (Dr D)

'No thanks, I really would be happy never to have sex again, honest, it's absolutely NOT a problem!' (me, altho unfortunately it seems I  only said that in my head whilst nodding inanely).

A little more waiting a lot more pleating and then in for another try ....

(why am I telling you all of this???  I really have NO bloody idea!)

It seemed my cervix doesn't like being messed with and I for one don't blame it!

In the end Doctor D suggested I came back another day.

I'm still thinking Id rather never have sex again than get back on that couch.

On a lighter note (although the same subject ... ish):

When SD came round to admire my beautiful Tilly's kittens  (ok, that's a lie, he grew up on a farm, he had absolutely no interest in kittens or cats other than for their mouse catching abilities) he said:

'So, you'll be getting her splayed* after this then' -  I shit you NOT!  Those are the exact words I heard him say!!

Tilly and I gave a collective wince and crossed our legs in solidarity - ain't neither of us going there again - no way - not never - no, no, NO!!!

*Ok, well, I'm still not 100% sure, it's possible I misheard, or, maybe it's just one of those words that for some reason he mispronounces (we ALL have those don't we?  ;).

But if he has got it wrong I have no intention of correcting him because ... well, because I'm mean like that :)

Monday 10 June 2013

The Sum Of Which Is Awe

I'm a bit worried that there must be something horrible just lurking around the corner for me.  Some calamity, some catastrophe, something really shitty that's going to wipe the smile right off my face!

I woke up this morning at about 5:30.  That's not unusual for me with the light mornings.  I sat, as I often do, in the garden with a cup of tea, Gus by my feet and Fast Eddie weaving around my ankles purring and nudging me until I stroked her. Bear of Little Brain curled up in the huge Belfast sink amongst my tomato plants and I felt totally at peace.

I came in to have my shower before the morning rush and when I stepped out I caught sight of myself in the mirror.  Amazingly I was fully dressed.

I shit you not!

From head to toe I was wearing sunglasses, a bikini top, shorts and flip flops which was when I realised that spending a full weekend soaking up the sun might have it's drawbacks.  Fortunately the people who are likely to see me naked are limited as I look faintly ridiculous at the moment.  Also fortunately, other than a slightly singed patch on my right thigh I'm a pleasing shade of tan rather than lobster.

I have had THE BEST WEEKEND!!!

I know, I know, I said the weekend at Run To The Sun in Cornwall a couple of weeks ago was the best weekend and it was!  But this weekend was ALSO the best weekend ok and next weekend I'm going on Safari so that might ALSO be the best weekend but I'll tell you about that one after I've been.

I spent the weekend with about 10000 other people, give or take a thousand, at a car fest'.  I confess that the cars don't really hold much interest for me, I go for the atmosphere, the music and the beer.

Although these were a bit of fun

It's set on a beautiful site with fields and countryside as far as the eye can see and the sun shone for the whole weekend.

We took Maudie with us.  Now Maudie is the name I've decided to give our little caravan but don't tell SD, he can't get his head around the fact that I want to name her and for god's sake don't tell him I'm planning bunting!!!.  She's small and quaint a proper old fashioned, no frills van who get the job done without any fuss.  She could do with a little TLC and I plan to work my magic on her as soon as I have some free time but for now she's just perfect.

To misquote, she is:

A homely home with simple pleasures, somewhere to sleep and somewhere to dress.  A place to eat and more than enough space to store the beers, for a thirst is a dangerous thing .....

Miss Mac airing her feet out of Maudies window

We rocked up early on Saturday morning and chose our spot with care.

One of the many advantages of going anywhere with SD is, as I've mentioned before, that he knows EVERYONE!

Adrian (the guy who runs the event along with many other festivals) is a good friend of SD's which means that not only do we get complimentary tickets to many events in exchange for SD helping out a little with the off roading ect (something he doesn't see as a job anyway) but we also get free range of the choicest camping positions.

We could have parked in one of the main camping fields along with thousands of other people.  We could have parked up with the traders or alongside the campers who had brought along various car parts for the auto jumble.  We found ourselves the perfect position in a tiny part of a sectioned off field near the off road course.  Our very own private field (into which we invited a few friends)  100 feet from the main show ground with plenty of people walking through during the day to the off road site but quite and secluded, just out of site and totally private in the late afternoon/evening.

We set up camp, pulled out the deckchairs and made ourselves comfortable in the sun.

SD had brought along about 20 wheels and tyres to sell along with various other bits from past projects so we took it in turns to watch the stock and go off and explore.

Miss Mac was in heaven.  Not only was there loads to do and buy but there were also hoard of young, very 'fit' boys wandering around.  There was some confusion when she muttered 'cor, Mum, look at him!!!' and we realised that I'd skimmed over the boy in question and was busily eyeing up his Dad!

Two young and totally gorgeous boys wandered over to take a look at some Steels (I know!!!  I sound like I know what I'm talking about don't I??? ;) and I chatted to them while Miss Mac blushed from the depth of her deckchair.  Suddenly there was an almighty crash as the front bar of the chair she was sitting on snapped and she landed in a heap of green canvas and splintered wood.  The horrible boys laughed till they cried, her horrible mother laughed till she cried and poor .  Miss Mac, being nothing if not a good sport laughed till she cried too ...

Later, as I recounted the sorry tale to SD and I'd just got to the part  where I was telling him about the two gorgeous boys etc I noticed Miss Mac making agonising faces and gesturing with her eyes behind me.  They'd come back to take another look and were standing RIGHT BEHIND ME and heard every word I'd said!

I think I might have actually been more mortified than Miss Mac was when the chair collapsed!

SD, the bastard, laughed at me until HE cried.

I am NEVER looking at boys young enough to be my son in that way again!

To cheer us both up I took Miss Mac shopping.  We wandered around the stalls and bought her a new bag for school and then we hit the jackpot.  A stall selling second hand Vans and Converse shipped over from the states at silly money.  One pair of grey Vans and a pair of mint green Converse later Miss Mac was ecstatic.

So much happened this weekend I could write forever .  We met up with friends.  Drank coffee from the back a beautifully converted camper van. Swigged beer in the evening.  Listened to bands.  Ate olives in the sun.  Raced over the off road course in a beach buggy.  Watched the sunset and rise over a sea of flags fluttering from the back of thousands of vans across the skyline.  We laughed and joked around campfires and watched as a fire eater danced in the darkness and finally, hot, happy and tired, we packed up Maudie and brought her home totally replete and planning our next adventure.

Barbie time

Stunning sunsets

To die for olives stuffed with citrus peal, capers and rosemary, sun dried tomatoes, peppers stuffed with feta and herb marinaded garlic

Wednesday 5 June 2013

I Wouldn't Swap This Even For Your Erection

You know how sometimes you're having a conversation and something is said and you think, 'that would make a great title for a blog post'?

But then you think, 'hang on, if I use it, won't I actually have to explain the conversation ....?'

Yep, well this is one of those and I like to pretend I'm a bit of a revolutionary so I'm NOT going to explain it and you can draw your own (probably or though possibly not, wildly inaccurate) conclusions.

The truth is, there isn't much in my life that I'd swap.

There are plenty of things that I'd like that I don't have but if it meant giving up the things that I do have then suddenly they don't seem so important.

We had a fun day down at our local park on Sunday.  I'm lucky enough to be a part of a group of volunteers that try to promote our beautiful park and encourage the community to make full use of it.  Often that means that I'm down there with a brush in hand painting out the graffiti on the benches and table tops or planting dog roses in the wildlife garden or, as on Sunday, running around like a blue arsed fly making teas and coffees, helping with the children's races, making a dash for the local shop because we've run out of ice and stopping for a while to watch the happy faces as people soak up the sun and entertainment.

I wouldn't swap that!

I'm lucky that I get out and about A LOT!  I spend precious time down at the beach restocking my reserve of happy memories.  I get to go to Cornwall regularly and sit at the waters edge eating ice cream while the waves lap at my feet.

I wouldn't swap that!

I go out and listen to live music several times a month.  Dancing to bands that rock the pub, laughing with friends, making new friends ....

I wouldn't swap that!

I go to music gigs, Huge Cornwall and The Kaiser Chief recently and coming up, possibly Madness and The Wonder Stuff.

I wouldn't swap that!

I go to shows and festivals, camping out in the middle of nowhere or high on a cliff beside the sea drinking beer late into the night around a camp fire with like minded, easy going, relaxed people as music plays and fire eaters perform their complicated dance in front of us.

I wouldn't swap that!

I spend time with my daughter and her friends as they teach me the latest dance moves to the music they are listening to. I'm known as the 'cool' Mum where they can talk about things and share their troubles (and believe me, there's nothing more troubled than a teenage girl!).  They are so bright and pretty and funny and so full of promise

I wouldn't swap that!

I'm loved for who I am.  I don't have to pretend or try to explain myself or change in any way.  I'm scatty, unpredictable, often infuriating (I have no doubt ;).  Every day there is something that makes me laugh out loud.

I wouldn't swap that!

My life isn't perfect, these are the good things in it.  There's a fair dose of unhappiness, angst and worry but that just makes me normal.  There are things I would do differently if I had my time again.  There have been times of stress and depression, of unhappiness so deep that I thought I'd never see the other side.  There are people no longer in my life that I miss SO god damned much every day! But I'd rather be missing them than for them not to have been there at all ....

I wouldn't swap that ....

I'm an intrinsically happy person.  I get no pleasure in wallowing. I'm a firm believer in live and let live.  I don't do jealousy or sulking or controlling behaviour and I refuse (these days) to recognise it in others.  Get over yourself with that wasted emotion! I do stupid and ridiculous and often completely barking mad. The happiness of the people around me is the single most important thing to me and fortunately I seem to mostly do a pretty good job of making them so.

I wouldn't swap that!!

Tuesday 4 June 2013


I think I've mentioned before that I don't really DO the grateful posts.  That's mainly because I am an ungrateful wretch and partly because bitchin' and moanin' posts are so much more fun to both write and read and are far less likely to have you all urging as you read them.

I've just read a post by Slapdash Mama aka NS, aka the OTHER Sarah Mac who has been having a pretty shit time lately what with sick kids and stuff and she sent out the following plea:

"What are you just so effing glad about you have to SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS? Tell your old friend. Distract me from my rollercoaster ride of worry/relief/worry/relief/worry/relief. PLEASE DISTRACT ME."

Well, a friend in need is an inspiration for a blog post (or something like that) so I'm taking up the challenge and, casting my mind back as far as yesterday I am going to find at least 5 things to be grateful for and share them here with you and Sarah  so that you too can bask in that happy place that is my life ....

1.  I am grateful that men of a certain age can't run very fast (I could explain that one but I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions ...)

2.  I am grateful that the effing great tyer that rolled down the garden towards me yesterday only knocked me sideways before ploughing through a flowerbed and smashing into my tomato plants rather than flattening me completely leaving me having to explain at A&E why I had tread marks across my face.

3. I am grateful that no one saw me leap up from the decking I was sitting on because I'd forgotten that I'd just washed the deckchairs on it with the power washer and I'd now got a soaking wet bum.

4.  I'm also grateful that no one then saw me immediately sit on the fecking deckchair forgetting (AGAIN!!) that Id just washed them and they were also still soaking wet!

5. Im grateful that the chocolate lab that Gus bounded toward joyfully and started shagging in the park turned out not to be Coco, his bestie and long term shag buddy because Coco has in fact been dead for the last 2 months.

6.  I'm grateful that my friend Lou considers me her 'go to techie person' because it makes me feel loved and useful and that my advice that her SD card is 'totally buggered' (and being that she snapped it in half I'm fairly confident of this diagnosis) was helpful as I have my hammer and chainsaw polished and ready to go should anyone else require any techie help for a reasonable rate or even for free.

7.  I am grateful that when I was messing around with my own SD card (which is coincidently ALSO buggered) that my complete panic when I thought my phone was uploading all my fecking photos to You Tube (and believe me, there are a few on there that are NOT for public consumption) was probably in fact a slight over reaction as I think (I bloody HOPE) it was just updating You Tube.

8.  I'm grateful that no one saw me trying to erect the aforementioned deckchairs (although many may have heard me swearing as I did!) because after 10 minutes of sweating and swearing like a trooper I had achieved this:

bastard thing!

9. ......  Nope, can't think of a 9 but I think 8 things to be grateful for in one day is pretty good going don't you?

Tell me, tell Sarah, tell the world ....

"What are you just so effing glad about you have to SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS?

Saturday 1 June 2013

You Don't See What I See

Yesterday was a beautiful day and as it's half term SD is around this week which means that we are lucky enough to be able to take full advantage of any good weather that comes our way.

We spent the afternoon at West Bay just a short drive along the coast into Dorset it forms a part of the Jurassic coast.

It's a lovely place with a harbour a beach, stunning cliffs and clear blue sea. It also boast some of the best coffee and homemade lemon drizzle cake I've ever tasted.

We got home last night tired and contented and started to look through the photos we'd taken.

SD, as I've mentioned before, tends to take lots of me mostly because I really dislike 90% of any photos with me in them.

SD is convinced that I don't see what other people see.  He will tell me I look beautiful when all I see is that I'm frowning or my hair looks a mess or I imagine the beginnings of cellulite on my thighs ....

I tend to think he's either humouring me or he needs his eyes tested ;-)

But there is a serious side to this.  I know it's not just me.  Almost every other woman I know feels pretty much the same.

In many ways I'm far less self conscious than I used to be.  Last year I wore a bikini for the first time in many years and this year, like last, I'm living in shorts and vest tops.  A large part of that is my choosing to believe that maybe SD is right but then I see the photos and the self doubt returns.

When I saw this photo I thought:

I don't look feminine
You know what I see?

Broad shoulders.

I'm not even sure I HAVE broad shoulders but that's the first thing I thought and no matter how much SD tells me he likes this photo that's still what I see.

Occasionally I DO like a photo, I quite like this one:

SD must have snapped it while I was watching the children playing in the sea.  Funnily enough he skipped over this one and it's not one of his favourites.

I've come a long way in the last couple of years and SD has been an integral part of that.  I've stabilised my weight and I've largely put behind me the battle I had with BDD but I STILL have this aversion to photos of myself.

My FB friends would be forgiven for thinking the opposite, for thinking I had slightly narcissistic tendencies given the regularity with which I change my profile photo.  What they probably don't realise is that its born from dissatisfaction and that fact that I will find fault with almost any picture of myself and that's what leads me to change it.  I'm hoping that one day I'll actually be happy with what I see.

Today I'm happy with this one:

but who knows how long that will last ;-)

Strangely enough, I'm happy with the face that confronts me in the mirror.  Aside from the odd wrinkle and grey hair these days I like what I see.  This aversion is purely reserved for photos, it's odd ....

If you've read some of my past posts you will know that despite the fact that I don't like photos of myself I often take selfies (usually silly ones)and I'm always happy for SD to snap me.  It's all part of the process you see.  I don't shy away from the things that scare me anymore because when I do that they tend to turn in on me so I confront my fears these days in the hope that one day they wont have the power to hurt me and I'm getting there.

I'm not just talking about photos.  Facing my fears is bloody hard, sharing them even harder, keeping them to myself, the hardest thing of all ...

The truth is, I probably have unrealistic expectations - I probably still expect to see my 20 year old self in photos because that what I see in my head and I'm now more than 2 decades older than the person I was then.

In almost every other area of my life I'm happy.  I have a huge amount to be happy about.  This isn't particularly important.  It doesn't impinge on every day life.  It's faintly ridiculous given the very real problems many other people face.

I'm not sure why I'm blogging about it other than the fact that it's been playing on my mind for the last 24 hours and writing it out seems to be the only way to get it out of my head so forgive me for talking out loud and ...  as you were ;-)