"You are the most useful woman I've ever known"
"Mwmump, murrmp, errgg" I replied.
SD looked at me with slight confusion and some consternation as my eyes welled up and I sniffed loudly.
"It was meant to be a compliment you know" he said hurriedly, "I mean, you're ok looking and you're funny and clever too and, and ... stuff"
Spitting the nails out of my mouth and laying the hammer drill down beside the rip saw I waved the spirit level at him.
I sniffed again. "I'm not upset you prat". That's possibly one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me!
One of my Grandmothers most damning comments was "she/he is neither use nor ornament". This was usually levelled at Bonnie Langford as she simpered and danced her way across the telly on a Saturday afternoon. My Grandmother had little time for people who didn't work hard and pull their weight. She didn't have much in the way of modern conveniences (well, few people did back then) but her house shone and her cupboards were full of home grown, home made goodies and she still found time to knit the four of us matching (hideous!!!) jumpers each winter as well as being an active member of the mothers union and a sewing circle that helped raise money for the local church.
For most of my life (like most other women) I've been judged on my looks and the fact that Im female. Maybe judged isn't exactly the right word here. Maybe it's just that assumptions have been made and mostly I've played along with them because ... Well, I don't know really, maybe the real truth is that it's suited me too. I've done the child rearing, the house cleaning, the gardening and stuff (as well as working full or part time outside the house) and I've let men get on with the manly, power tool wielding stuff.
Since my marriage to ex lax ended I've looked at things differently. I've also looked around my house and thought, "FFS, he really was pretty shite at this DIY stuff". Now ex lax isn't my favourite person but I do like to give credit where it's due and he did try, and, if you discount the nail through the pipe that flooded the house, the dodgy electrics in the two way lighting in the dining room, the half finished bathroom and kitchen and the fact that he took a fecking chainsaw to my decking, the boy did good!
BUT!
Anything he can do .... ;-)
Ok, so we all know that I am not a plumber, Im also not an electrician or a roofer, although I have tried my hand at them all with varying (mostly disastrous) result. But Im a fairly good decorator, Im a bit of a carpenter and Im pretty damned good at making stuff that looks like tatty old crap look good again.
I keep meaning to write 'Battleship Grey on a Budget" aka 'the redecorating of Miss Mac room' and I will just as soon as Ive been in there with a JCB and industrial strength bin bags to restore it's former beauty so I can take some pics.
Talking of Miss Mac, I worry about that girl. She's too funny and smart by half but she's got some shocking habits.
Glancing through the window on my way in from the garden the other day I spotted her looking at something on the table. I couldn't see what it was so I waited. She stood up and walked to the other sofa where there is one solitary cushion. I keep the cushion (and I hate cushions with a passion!) for SD as for some god forsaken reason he finds my lovely, squishy, bedded in leather sofas give him back ache if he doesn't tuck one behind him. Anyway, Miss Mac picked up the cushion and then carefully, using one edged, wiped up the juice she had spilled on my coffee table before replacing it on the sofa and sitting down again!
Later that day I'd left her eating her tea (can't remember what it was but it involved gravy). As I walked back into the room I caught her LICKING HER PLATE!!! She didn't see me at first (her face being covered in plate). As she lowered it, a dribble of gravy running down her chin she contemplated my silent horror before smiling and saying 'some man's going to be really lucky to get me isn't he Mum?'
Anyway, I'm rambling a bit now. The point of this post was that while SD's compliment might not on the surface of things (or even if you dig pretty deep ;) have been romantic, it meant as much and even more than many of the hundreds of compliments I've received based on how I look etc because it's enduring, it's looking past the surface, it's appreciating ME, the real me.
Don't get me wrong, I love compliments in all shapes and forms and I am very much a girly girl so of course I love to be told that Im beautiful but behind all that there's an electric sander, paint brush wielding force at work who can put up a fence, pimp your shed (pics soon ;) and help take a motorbike to pieces.
Not everybody notices THAT me.
fudge
Tuesday, 11 September 2012
Monday, 10 September 2012
Five Sentence Fiction - Memories
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What it’s all about: Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week I will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction.
This week: MEMORIES
It's such a long time since I've written any fiction (thank you Car for the gentle nudge :). The obvious starting point for me seems to go back to the story I know.
Linking up with Lillie at Lillie McFerrin Writes.
As her hand smoothed the pale blond wood, the scent of bees wax hung heavy in the air.
Her fingers trailed across the cool pewter of the handles as she counted, one, two, three, and paused ....
Sliding the drawer open the box was revealed, untouched but often thought of since it was placed there so long ago.
Inside her Elpis, her spirit of hope, the one remaining thing from that fateful day when Pandoras box was opened, it's contents spilled scattering in the breeze of her confusion, swirling in the mist of her pain.
All but hope had eluded her, tarnished by time and neglect, muted colours encased in velvet it lay waiting for her to believe again.
Wednesday, 5 September 2012
Fetch Me A Tiara!! (aka - a princess moment)
Today I could write any one of a million posts - ok, maybe not a million, but hundreds, well, perhaps 47 ... hmmm, 6 ...
I don't know. It's such a long time since I've blogged, I mean properly blogged. There's been the odd post, a couple of photos, but nothing much really for what seems like the longest time and I don't know why. Stuff happens, THINGS happen. I have ideas, I have words, snippets, pictures in my head. The beginings of posts but they just drift away from me.
I haven't lost my love of writing. I haven't lost my love of reading your posts. Sometimes I read them and click to comment and just sit there waiting for the words to come. The thoughts that filled my head when I was reading it just turn to vapour and I can't quite grasp them.
So what's going on?
The truth is I don't know. I've lost touch a little. I feel a bit like the kid at school outside the circle, looking in, watching everyone else having fun. Wanting to be a part of it but not knowing how.
The difference is that it's of my own making. I've stepped outside of the circle. When I write a post a few friendly hands reach out to pull me back in, I smile and look down at my feet but I don't take that step forward.
I see old friends making new friends and new people joining groups that I used to be a part of and I know that it's only me stopping myself being a part of that and I can't quite work out why I am.
It's such a beautiful day today. The sun's shining, there isn't a cloud in the sky. I sat in the garden earlier drinking coffee surrounded by animals. Tillys kittens have all gone to new homes and I have temporarily taken on two adorable black kittens from the farm in order to get them used to being handled before re homing them. I took them into the garden for the first time since they arrived last weekend and they made a beeline for my tub decimated by Tillys kittens, curling up amongst the lobelia, soaking up the warmth of the sun. Gus sat by my feet and Tilly curled up on the decking next to me. Even Bear rubbed against my legs for a moment before disappearing over the fence into next doors garden.
I've been BUSY. I've been doing STUFF. THINGS have happened. Silly, stupid, fun stuff. I've partied hard, I've been to the beach, I've gardened, cooked, decorated, flirted, laughed. I've carbooted, been on holiday, watched the sun rise and set over the sea. I've swum, I've climbed cliffs, I've stood on a tiny bridge and watched the waves crash on the rocks below me while the spray misted my face leaving my skin dusted with salt.
I've lain awake in my bed thinking about all of these things and wondering how it's possible they don't seem to add up to contentment ...
I've never suffered from the princess syndrome. Being one of four teaches you pretty early on in life that you aren't the centre of the universe and that's ok. I'm not a demanding sort of person, simple things make me happy. Being with the people I love. Sharing my life with people who care about me. Surrounding myself with my friends. Taking time out by myself. So WTF is wrong with me? What is it that's blocking that feeling of contentment?
Truth be told, some pretty horrible stuff has happened over the last few years and the ramifications echo on in the background and possibly always will. I sometimes wonder if I could or should blog about them, would that help? Maybe .... It wouldn't change anything, it can't turn back time, it probably wouldn't make any difference at all.
I want my enthusiasm back. I want to wake up with that feeling that I can't wait to put down in words (fact and fiction) the things that I see, the things that happen, the stupid stuff I say and do (it's still all going on) and I think .. WHAT, what it it that's stopping me?
And that's the thing I don't seem to have the answer to.
I could write a great post about my washing machine blowing up on Monday and no, that's not an exaggeration, the bloody thing literally blew up. Think loud banging noises and lots of smoke! My initial reaction was, 'damn, wish I'd got a photo of that' as I opened the door and was enveloped in a cloud of acrid black smoke which left the house stinking of burning rubber for two days. The sequel to 'My Shitty House Strikes Again' maybe and seriously, if you'd seen Miss Mac and I standing there wondering if the bloody thing was about to actually explode taking us with it you probably would have laughed. And then it hit me, I have no fucking washing machine now.
Great!
I can live without my dishwasher, actually, I quite like washing up. I can live without the tumble dryer, Id rather watch it blowing on the line or have it filling the house with the smell of fresh linen as it drys on the clothes horse (over the banisters, radiators, hanging on the backs of doors and every other available space you could possibly hang wet clothes to dry). But how the hell am I going to cope without a washing machine?
When big D was a baby I lived in the middle of nowhere. A tiny cottage high up in the Quantock hills. It was stunning. We had a huge garden with fruit trees and a view down the valley to the sea and I had no washing machine. I used to wash his little baby clothes by hand and peg them out on the line. Every couple of weeks we would go to the laundrette and wash the bedding, towels ect. It was tough at times but it was ok, I was happy, enthusiastic and life was good.
Big D is now 28, planning his wedding next year to the lovely L and here I am back to square one without a bloody washing machine and what was ok then is NOT ok now so Im pissed off!
Of course I know I'll get it sorted, I'll work something out (and if you're thinking why don't I just go out and buy a new one, well, finances dictate otherwise just at the moment I'm afraid). It's not the biggest deal in the world, I know that, like I said, the sun's shining, I've hand washed all the small stuff and it's drying as I type. It wasn't hard and it'll be dry by lunchtime. There's a laundrette just down the road, or, failing that, I have numerous friends who would happily let me run a few things through their washing machine until I get this sorted.
So, it's time to get over myself, stop feeling sorry for myself because, lets face it, in the grand scheme of things, it's not really so bad is it?
Funnily enough, this is yet again NOT the post I sat down to write, I'll actually need to re read it to know what I've actually said. I was going to either give you the 'funny' version of the washing machine or another instalment of my childhood (the village fete edition, it's hilarious ;) . Failing that I've been dying to tell you all about my trip to Cornwall, it was FANTASTIC and I got some great photos, and I will, just felt the need for a little moan and a bitch and now I've got that out of my system I'm off out into the sunshine to sand down my shed ready for painting while the weather is still good.
If you've made it this far down the page thank you, I feel MUCH better now :-).
I don't know. It's such a long time since I've blogged, I mean properly blogged. There's been the odd post, a couple of photos, but nothing much really for what seems like the longest time and I don't know why. Stuff happens, THINGS happen. I have ideas, I have words, snippets, pictures in my head. The beginings of posts but they just drift away from me.
I haven't lost my love of writing. I haven't lost my love of reading your posts. Sometimes I read them and click to comment and just sit there waiting for the words to come. The thoughts that filled my head when I was reading it just turn to vapour and I can't quite grasp them.
So what's going on?
The truth is I don't know. I've lost touch a little. I feel a bit like the kid at school outside the circle, looking in, watching everyone else having fun. Wanting to be a part of it but not knowing how.
The difference is that it's of my own making. I've stepped outside of the circle. When I write a post a few friendly hands reach out to pull me back in, I smile and look down at my feet but I don't take that step forward.
I see old friends making new friends and new people joining groups that I used to be a part of and I know that it's only me stopping myself being a part of that and I can't quite work out why I am.
It's such a beautiful day today. The sun's shining, there isn't a cloud in the sky. I sat in the garden earlier drinking coffee surrounded by animals. Tillys kittens have all gone to new homes and I have temporarily taken on two adorable black kittens from the farm in order to get them used to being handled before re homing them. I took them into the garden for the first time since they arrived last weekend and they made a beeline for my tub decimated by Tillys kittens, curling up amongst the lobelia, soaking up the warmth of the sun. Gus sat by my feet and Tilly curled up on the decking next to me. Even Bear rubbed against my legs for a moment before disappearing over the fence into next doors garden.
I've been BUSY. I've been doing STUFF. THINGS have happened. Silly, stupid, fun stuff. I've partied hard, I've been to the beach, I've gardened, cooked, decorated, flirted, laughed. I've carbooted, been on holiday, watched the sun rise and set over the sea. I've swum, I've climbed cliffs, I've stood on a tiny bridge and watched the waves crash on the rocks below me while the spray misted my face leaving my skin dusted with salt.
I've lain awake in my bed thinking about all of these things and wondering how it's possible they don't seem to add up to contentment ...
I've never suffered from the princess syndrome. Being one of four teaches you pretty early on in life that you aren't the centre of the universe and that's ok. I'm not a demanding sort of person, simple things make me happy. Being with the people I love. Sharing my life with people who care about me. Surrounding myself with my friends. Taking time out by myself. So WTF is wrong with me? What is it that's blocking that feeling of contentment?
Truth be told, some pretty horrible stuff has happened over the last few years and the ramifications echo on in the background and possibly always will. I sometimes wonder if I could or should blog about them, would that help? Maybe .... It wouldn't change anything, it can't turn back time, it probably wouldn't make any difference at all.
I want my enthusiasm back. I want to wake up with that feeling that I can't wait to put down in words (fact and fiction) the things that I see, the things that happen, the stupid stuff I say and do (it's still all going on) and I think .. WHAT, what it it that's stopping me?
And that's the thing I don't seem to have the answer to.
I could write a great post about my washing machine blowing up on Monday and no, that's not an exaggeration, the bloody thing literally blew up. Think loud banging noises and lots of smoke! My initial reaction was, 'damn, wish I'd got a photo of that' as I opened the door and was enveloped in a cloud of acrid black smoke which left the house stinking of burning rubber for two days. The sequel to 'My Shitty House Strikes Again' maybe and seriously, if you'd seen Miss Mac and I standing there wondering if the bloody thing was about to actually explode taking us with it you probably would have laughed. And then it hit me, I have no fucking washing machine now.
Great!
I can live without my dishwasher, actually, I quite like washing up. I can live without the tumble dryer, Id rather watch it blowing on the line or have it filling the house with the smell of fresh linen as it drys on the clothes horse (over the banisters, radiators, hanging on the backs of doors and every other available space you could possibly hang wet clothes to dry). But how the hell am I going to cope without a washing machine?
When big D was a baby I lived in the middle of nowhere. A tiny cottage high up in the Quantock hills. It was stunning. We had a huge garden with fruit trees and a view down the valley to the sea and I had no washing machine. I used to wash his little baby clothes by hand and peg them out on the line. Every couple of weeks we would go to the laundrette and wash the bedding, towels ect. It was tough at times but it was ok, I was happy, enthusiastic and life was good.
Big D is now 28, planning his wedding next year to the lovely L and here I am back to square one without a bloody washing machine and what was ok then is NOT ok now so Im pissed off!
Of course I know I'll get it sorted, I'll work something out (and if you're thinking why don't I just go out and buy a new one, well, finances dictate otherwise just at the moment I'm afraid). It's not the biggest deal in the world, I know that, like I said, the sun's shining, I've hand washed all the small stuff and it's drying as I type. It wasn't hard and it'll be dry by lunchtime. There's a laundrette just down the road, or, failing that, I have numerous friends who would happily let me run a few things through their washing machine until I get this sorted.
So, it's time to get over myself, stop feeling sorry for myself because, lets face it, in the grand scheme of things, it's not really so bad is it?
Funnily enough, this is yet again NOT the post I sat down to write, I'll actually need to re read it to know what I've actually said. I was going to either give you the 'funny' version of the washing machine or another instalment of my childhood (the village fete edition, it's hilarious ;) . Failing that I've been dying to tell you all about my trip to Cornwall, it was FANTASTIC and I got some great photos, and I will, just felt the need for a little moan and a bitch and now I've got that out of my system I'm off out into the sunshine to sand down my shed ready for painting while the weather is still good.
If you've made it this far down the page thank you, I feel MUCH better now :-).
Sunday, 2 September 2012
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
Quote Challenge – Day Eleven
Donna at My Write Spot has been posting a quote challenge every day for the past 10 days. Today is day 11.
Now I love quotes and, as most of you probably know, I'm a big fan of Erma Bombeck and Groucho Marx amongst others. I even like to fondly think that others might, at times, find one or two of the things I say worth repeating ...
Ok, unlikely but hey, lets not shatter my illusions ;-).
Anyway, I have been following the challenge (although not joining in or commenting because I've been such a crap blogger for the last few months) but I've decided that should really change because I love my blog and I'm buggered if I'm going to let it just slip away so I'm going to start with joining in the challenge for today at least and see where it leads me. (When, just like the old days, you find that you are drowning in Fudge feel free to head over and take it up with Donna :-).
Today's challenge is to post a quote about love.
I'm really not a romantic in the traditional sense. I don't want big gestures or declarations. It doesn't need to be all deep, profound and meaningful.
Those of you who have been around for a while may recognise this quote from a post a I wrote over a year ago now. For me it sums up the true meaning of romance, the way I think things should be and the way I'd like to feel.
"You make me understand how wonderful it is for little lizards when they find that one special rock that's perfect for sunning themselves on. You make me lizard-happy." - R K Millholand
Now I love quotes and, as most of you probably know, I'm a big fan of Erma Bombeck and Groucho Marx amongst others. I even like to fondly think that others might, at times, find one or two of the things I say worth repeating ...
Ok, unlikely but hey, lets not shatter my illusions ;-).
Anyway, I have been following the challenge (although not joining in or commenting because I've been such a crap blogger for the last few months) but I've decided that should really change because I love my blog and I'm buggered if I'm going to let it just slip away so I'm going to start with joining in the challenge for today at least and see where it leads me. (When, just like the old days, you find that you are drowning in Fudge feel free to head over and take it up with Donna :-).
Today's challenge is to post a quote about love.
I'm really not a romantic in the traditional sense. I don't want big gestures or declarations. It doesn't need to be all deep, profound and meaningful.
Those of you who have been around for a while may recognise this quote from a post a I wrote over a year ago now. For me it sums up the true meaning of romance, the way I think things should be and the way I'd like to feel.
Sunday, 19 August 2012
Boo
Hello ...
It's been a while hasn't it? No excuses really, no particular reason other than the fact that I don't seem to have had a great deal of time to sit down and write lately. I think about it quite a lot, there's been loads going on but it's just finding the time to put it all together in some kind of order that's eluded me recently.
It would serve me right if you've all buggered off and found new friends. Maybe let me know if you drop by, you know, something like 'I was ere', you could even cut and paste that couldn't you ;-)
Anyway, what HAVE I been up to??
Well, I've decorated Miss Macs bedroom. Now that deserves a whole post on it's own and it will get one at some point. I think I'll title it something like 'Battleship Grey on a Budget', catchy no?
I've been to the beach (but of course!), met up with friends, been out listening to live music (where I was propositioned by not just one but TWO women one night). Stood in the middle of a field watching a fire eater and listening to a great band with possibly the worst lead singer I've ever heard but who exuded sooo much self confidence that I began to wonder if it was my hearing that was at fault rather than his vocals (it wasn't, he WAS crap). Camped in a thunder storm with torrential rain, eaten cherry bakewell galeto on the seafront, been car booting, made a start on renovating my garden, come to lots of conclusions and made a life changing decision (more on that at some point).
I've dabbled with FB, in fact, this post WAS going to be much longer (and funnier I though ;) but that would involve trawling back on FB to find out what I'd been up to and right now I have decking to take up in the garden so that will be another day. I've largely given up on Twitter, the instant gratification junky in me struggles with the lack of feedback.
So this is really just to say hey, I'm still here and I'll be back soon to tell you all about my brand new neighbour who hasn't seen me half naked yet.
It's been a while hasn't it? No excuses really, no particular reason other than the fact that I don't seem to have had a great deal of time to sit down and write lately. I think about it quite a lot, there's been loads going on but it's just finding the time to put it all together in some kind of order that's eluded me recently.
It would serve me right if you've all buggered off and found new friends. Maybe let me know if you drop by, you know, something like 'I was ere', you could even cut and paste that couldn't you ;-)
Anyway, what HAVE I been up to??
Well, I've decorated Miss Macs bedroom. Now that deserves a whole post on it's own and it will get one at some point. I think I'll title it something like 'Battleship Grey on a Budget', catchy no?
I've been to the beach (but of course!), met up with friends, been out listening to live music (where I was propositioned by not just one but TWO women one night). Stood in the middle of a field watching a fire eater and listening to a great band with possibly the worst lead singer I've ever heard but who exuded sooo much self confidence that I began to wonder if it was my hearing that was at fault rather than his vocals (it wasn't, he WAS crap). Camped in a thunder storm with torrential rain, eaten cherry bakewell galeto on the seafront, been car booting, made a start on renovating my garden, come to lots of conclusions and made a life changing decision (more on that at some point).
I've dabbled with FB, in fact, this post WAS going to be much longer (and funnier I though ;) but that would involve trawling back on FB to find out what I'd been up to and right now I have decking to take up in the garden so that will be another day. I've largely given up on Twitter, the instant gratification junky in me struggles with the lack of feedback.
So this is really just to say hey, I'm still here and I'll be back soon to tell you all about my brand new neighbour who hasn't seen me half naked yet.
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