fudge

Thursday, 24 November 2011

Seek And Ye Shall Find

Or not as the case may be.

I'm pretty sure that the person who stumbled onto my blog by searching for 'long and hairy' wasn't looking for my tale of Hairy Humiliation.

I'm equally sure that the person searching for' hog-tied blog' (I know, it serves me right that I get that so much;) was bitterly disappointed to read about my angst.

I spend a disproportionate amount of my time looking for things.

I don't just mean things that I can't find because I'm not well enough organised (although the mantra in my house is 'underneath everything there is something').

I mean answers for everything in life.

A few months ago I spent quite a lot of time looking for my mojo.

Did I find it?

Hmm, well, kind of.

It's a bit battered and bruised and has an annoying tendency to disappear again from time to time. But mostly it's sticking around.


********************************

I had this post half written.

There was a lot more guff about Rugby socks that were different lengths.

Zorbos.

Pauls arse and Gus's nose.

My BMI and shites in whining armour.

Excuse the font btw, not a CLUE what the f*cks going on with that or the text alignment and I just can't be arsed to try and work it out.

That damned recalcitrant mojo I was talking about?

Well, it's taken a bit of a bashing in the last couple of weeks and tonight it's well and truly sodded off.

I am done.

I am defeated.

I have no more FUNNY left in me right now.

I may just sit down and cry until  my eyes swell up and my nose runs.

There's a part of me that wants to do the whole spaghetti from the brain splat straight on to the blog.

But there's a part of me that says no, not right now, maybe never. (and it's all so f*cking unbelievable anyway I can't even BEGIN to get my head round it all let alone put it into words)

I really don't know anything anymore...

All I do know is, that right now.

Right this VERY minute.

I could really do with a huge hug!

But ain't nobody here but me and the sleeping peeps. :(

If I get my act together enough then I'll be back on the NaBloPoMo waggon in the next couple of days, maybe even tomorrow (and we don't mention this again, deal?)

Meanwhile:

I have a VERY special shout out today.

My lovely Lou at Our Home In The Sun is getting

MARRIED!!!  TODAY!!!

Please pop over and leave some blog love :)

Love you Lou! xx






12 comments:

Kelloggsville said...

Hey you, I think your mojo has probably gone out for mojos with my mojo. When they get back they'll get a right good talking to. In the meantime sob up chuck, get the kettle on and let's have caht about it. Nobody has to be funny all the time, nope. And html sometimes sucks. Actually it mainly sucks in my life. Got any chocolate cake to go with that tea? good go get it, BMI, shmeeeemi, like whatever, it's a number right? up down, up down, it'll down again don't stress it.

XXXXXXXXXX

Sarah Mac said...

Thanks K - god, now I'm stuck for what to say next, That's not good ...

I don't think even chocolate cake can help this time :(

Soon though xxxxxxxxx

Kelloggsville said...

Then it is very bad, I send you a HUGE virtual huge and a big prayer for peace X

Fiona @nlpmum said...

Big Hug Sarah.... I think lots of mojo's are off having mojitos - praps they'll come back full of zing... I'm reading plenty of despair out there and lots of cussing the flippin' nablopomo thing. Sorry I ever came up with the idea!
PS if it's any consolation at all, my blog has a font mind of it's own and is always making things in 2pt text - I have to sort it otherwise even I can't read it.... b'strd html.

Sarah Mac said...

It's not NaBloPoMo Fiona :)

It's me - actually, it's even really me.

I've been thinking about it and I don't want to give up.

I am not a giver upper! (although I do sympathise with those who are struggling) .

This was a great idea - please don't feel disheartened - I'm sure that's the last thing anyone would want given the effort you have put in!

The Rambling Pages said...

Hope you are OK, my mojo is probably off with yours as well, bastard things!

Oh and to boot just noticed it is bloody belting it down outside over my washing.

Big hugs x

Sarah Mac said...

Thanks RP - it's been dry here all day and my washing is still in the machine :(

I think I may call tomorrows post Bastard Mojo ;) x

Nikki - A Mother in France said...

Awww big cyber hug Sarah. I think it's one of the hardest things about blogging every day. There are days when you just don't feel like it and you have to try and think of something vaguely interesting but all you want to do is nothing.
Don't give up now - I'm sure you won't, you're made of sterner stuff I can tell! Only 5 more posts to go. 5 MORE POSTS!! Can you believe it?? We've done 25 days of consecutive blogging and only 5 more to go. I'm feeling great and can't wait to finish. I feel like I sprinting the last bit of the hill to the bottom (just tryig not to fall arse of t*t!). Maybe give yourself a night off and get up early tomorrow and give yourself a couple of little blogs over the weekend - what do you think?

Sarah Mac said...

Thanks Nikki - there are a couple of posts going round my head at the moment.

I'm not sure ... The obvious thing to write about seems to be what is going on in my life at the moment but that's probably not the right thing to do for many reasons.

Another one is partly connected to it but I'm not sure about that one either.

To actually put some things into print may not only be the wrong thing to do (however cathartic) but also has the potential to cause yet more grief ...

Maybe I should just rewind an old post to remind me that life can be good and hopefully it will be again.

Germ Freak Laura said...

I'm sorry, Sarah. Here's a big, big ((hug)) from me to you! I have plenty of days like this, so you're not quite alone in your sorry boat! :-/
I wrote just a bit about my crappy family in a couple recent blog posts (Sister Germs, & VG's Grocery Store)that pissed my mom off quite a bit. Oh well.
The way I see it, if you don't have anything to be embarrassed about, what I write shouldn't bother you! haha
Another thing I've been thinking of from a blog I read maybe a week or so ago concerning abuse & speaking out against it...it seems those of us who have been abused are supposed to keep silent about it to protect the abuser's clean reputation. How twisted is that?! But yet that's how it's always been! I grew up in a very abusive home but my parents were among the bigwigs of the church, well regarded & looked up to. What a JOKE! HA!
I've been thinking maybe my very first eBook should be my childhood story. Wouldn't that burn their butts?!
Okay, yes, feeling a tad bit bitter today...
Sorry, rant over!
LOL
;-)

Sarah Mac said...

It often is the victims that suffer in silence Laura (phew, managed not to call you Gemma today :) - I've given this quite a lot of thought (and it is partly why I've written tomorrows post).

My personal view is that while many abusers do deserve to be named and shamed it would only bring a temporary victory.

The one thing that would really make a difference to the victim is an acknowledgement an explanation, an apology.

Taking away the guilt. The feeling that somehow you are to blame (unjustified I KNOW but it's how many victims feel although some cover it with anger) would at least allow the victim to move on hopefully and to not carry that unfair burden all their lives.

Sadly abusers rarely acknowledge responsibility and it is either ignored or blamed on the victim, or there is outright denial of the abuse ever taking place.

Bitterness is perfectly understandable and justified but so destructive.

Finding a way (which may be writing that book in your case but presenting it to your parents rather than publishing it) to move on is so important to finding future happiness.

I'm still a work in progress btw ;)

Ok, sermon over and please feel free to rant ALL you like here.

I like to think of my blog as a safe place that always has a listening ear and an open mind.

And now I'm going to stop before I come over all Claire Rayner (please don't forget, I swear every now and then and I'm capable of being a real bitch when the need arises ;)

Germ Freak Laura said...

Thank you for your kindness, Sarah. I appreciate your words of wisdom & the encouragement a great deal.
I've been sitting here staring at the screen... So much to say, but I think I've said enough already! haha
Anyway, thanks again. It's nice to know someone out there understands this kind of pain. My husband is a great friend, so supportive & understanding. My champion! :-) If it weren't for him, I'd truly believe God despises me for no apparent reason - but then I have to think maybe He was trying to make up for my lousy past by giving me a person who loves me so unconditionally.
Like you said though, I just wish there could be some acknowledgement by my parents - and that they'd STOP mistreating me! Oh well...
*shrugs shoulders*

Geez, I think I've gone & said too much again! LOL!
I guess I'm in a funk. Time to go to bed. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day! YES! It WILL be! :-)