Sunday, 20 November 2011

Saturday At Sarah's House

Linking up With Robo for The Lounge this week where we talk about parenting ...  or a lack thereof ...

I am a glutton for punishment.

In my house I have not only the two teenagers that belong to me,not three,not even four but five, yes I said FIVE teenagers staying the night!!

It wasn't intentional, it was just one of those damned 'things' again!

Having accidentally agreed to having my house invaded I decided the best option was to have plenty of crap to bribe them with so I set off for Sainsburys.

I loaded my trolley up with donuts, popcorn, marshmallows, coke, mediced and wine (the latter two being for me!).

All was going reasonably well until I hit the checkout.  Now I've explained why I should never be let loose on a self service check out before (if you haven't read this you really need to to understand)  so why the f*ck I thought it was a good idea tonight I have NO idea!!

One gripe I may not have mentioned before is the size of  the area you put your shopping after scanning it.  It's slightly larger than a postage stamp.

Having scanned my shopping (only requiring two visits from the lovely lady with her magic swipe card).  Having cussed and sworn at  conversed pleasantly with the electronic voice telling me to 'please remove item from bagging area' ect. I tried to feed a twenty pound note into the slot to pay for my shopping.

It wasn't having any of it.

I smoothed the note free of wrinkles, I turned it around and tried it the other way.  I attempted to take the damned machine by surprised by whipping the note away and then pretending to look away while I thrust it back in.

 It wasn't having ANY of it I tell you!

As I turned to try and catch the eye of the assistant (who by now was trying to avoid mine) my arm caught one of the bottles of coke and sent it flying.

That bastard EXPLODED everywhere!!

 It was like an effing bomb going off.

 A fountain of coke shot into the air.  Covered me and all my shopping.  It took out the adjoining three checkouts and sent a river of coke across the floor.

I stood there completely speechless. Coke dripping from my hair into my eyes,  ALL over my leather jacket and down my jeans.

Everybody looking at me very accusingly and muttering as the checkout assistant handed out sheets kitchen roll for them to mop themselves down with.

Just how many times could I, how many times SHOULD I say I was sorry?

It was an accident FFS.  You think I do these things for fun???

And so, I went home, dripping, sticky and very subdued to find my dog frantically humping the leg of one of Master Macs friends who had a bitch on heat at home.

Teenagers find that kind of thing HILLARIOUS - poor Gus is very disturbed (not to mention frustrated)

Miss Mac and her friend toasted the marshmallows over the gas ring on my hob leaving a glutenous sticky mess all over it but, quite frankly DILLIGAF?

They then taught me how to do the running man (there may be a vlog to follow on that one!) and now they are all upstairs.

I don't care what they are doing. I shall not be going to investigate what is going on despite the shouting, the screaming and the general sounds of things breaking above me.

I have wine.

I have toast.

I have you.

So, how was YOUR Saturday night??


Unknown said...

omg! you poor thing - hope you had plenty of wine! Mine was def better than yours - I did however go to two kids parties today and watch two kids magic entertainers (and I have another one tomorrow - noooo!). Youngest woke at midnight with tummyache and has only just been returned to bed - hence I am on the computer now. She wailed for about an hour so I hope she sleeps now. So not perfect but an awful lot better than yours I think. Hope you survive the teenagers tomorrow morning!

Sarah said...

I'm hoping I don't even SEE them in the morning (being teenagers this is entirely possible:)

Hope your little girl is better very soon and that you all get some sleep.

DWei said...

Well it made for a more interesting night (and blog post) so that's a silver lining I guess.

Anonymous said...

Laughing quietly over here. But sending sympathy your way obviously! Glad I'm not the only one who hates the electronic voice as well.

Sarah said...

This is true DWei - and,if all else fails i can usually rely on my children and their friends for fodder:)

Ah,thanks Sarah - I can almost laugh about it now :). I can't help myself with that damned voice - I have to answer it back!

AGuidingLife said...

I'm so glad this sort of thing happens to other people too! I dropped a 4pint carton of milk in a revolving door once which exploded in a manner I didn't know milk could covering a captive audience! I would have truly relished watching coke doing it at the supermarket. Can you invite me next time!

Sarah said...

Of course K,it would be my pleasure - I could ask if they have any CC TV footage if you like ;)

Sadly, one thing I CAN be sure of is that something like that WILL happen again to me probably in the not too distant future.

Milk in a revolving door? Now that what I CALL a captive audience haha :)

Domesblissity said...

Oh Sarah! Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh but that with the coke exploding was hilarious. I could just imagine it, like it was in slow motion.

Anne xx

B said...

Tee hee - oh yes - I am sitting here on a beautiful Australian night (nearly morning) laughing at your expense.

Coke exploding. Teenagers. Humping dogs - it is all too much. Too much I tell you!

Sarah said...

It FELT like it was in slow motion Anne :) God coke goes a loooong way!

Haha, feel free B - many people do ;)

Any yes, it WAS all too much - I'm still recovering!

Nikki - A Mother in France said...

Oh dear, exploding coke - never a good thing! Yes I've had my house overtaken by teenagers. I usually give them a gite to themselves as far away from my part of the house as possible - usually does the trick! Having got by blog done in the morning (whew) I spent my Saturday evening with a couple of glasses of wine watching crap TV and doing absolutely nothing - it was fab!

Sarah said...

Haha - rub it in why don't you Nikki! ;)

Shell Louise said...

I always want to go to a 'proper' checkout and hubby always wants to use the self service ones. I let him get on with it!

I have to say, I LOVE your blog name :) It's possibly one of the best I've seen.


Sarah said...

I don't know why I'm drawn to the self checkouts - I guess I always think it will be different (when WILL I learn ;).

Glad you like the name of the blog - twas all my own idea .... actually, that's a bit of a lie :)

Smart Arse said it in conversation (we were actually discussing fudge) and it just seemed like the perfect name to me :)

Anonymous said...

ooh thanks for the shout out! can't imagine how sticky you felt after that come explosion! yikes. at least wine makes everything better!!

Emily said...

Haha! Oh, you poor thing. Curse those self-serve checkouts. x

Maxabella said...

Oh lordy, I dread the slumber party even more now and that's exactly the kind of party Cappers' wants in October. Coke is definitely off the menu!!

Visiting from the Rewind. I like the Rewind! x

MultipleMum said...

Too funny Sarah Mac! I did a post on the self service checkout and how much I like them. Clearly no coke related incidents to report here! As for the slumber party... never again!!! Thanks for Rewinding x

Robo said...

An exploding Coke at the register is seriously enough to tip me over the edge. Look on the bright side, it could've gone off in the car... Cheers for linking X

Sarah said...

Every cloud Robo - every cloud ... x

Tegan Churchill said...

haha OMG I just choked on my pizza..which I then had to wash down with a glass of coke. So of course I started giggling to myself all over again. Luckily I am home alone and there is only the dog to witness my display.

Sarah said...

Here's hoping the dog was only mildly confused unlike poor Gus :-)