Friday, 12 October 2012

Five Sentence Fiction - Detour

Linking up with Lillie McFerrin for FFS


With bare feet leaving a trail of dark imprints in the damp grass, shedding skeins of memories twisted and tangled in her wake, unwinding every tendril that grasped at her wrist and ankle she moved further away from the smouldering remains of the before.

Ashes, soft as snowflakes, dark as night fell about her - the acrid flavour of charred dreams touched her lips before melting on her tongue, the decaying scent of disillusionment hanging heavy in the tainted air.

Love, trust and belief lay strewn about her unseen as she left the well worn path of broken dreams, weary  of the cuts it left in her feet and the thorns it plunged into her heart she went in search of the spirit of hope, the one element remaining after all others had scattered across the earth.

Water, cool and pure poured down on her from above cleansing her body and washing the grime from her soul.

Stepping refreshed from the fall of water her eyes opened through the droplets that clung to her lashes and her heart lifted as she saw the untrodden path that stretched to the future.


Andrew Swingler said...

Beautiful and moving work. I loved this piece Sarah.

Jazzbumpa said...

Nice transition from darkness to light.

Lots of implied back story. Hope her break is clean.

I like "untrodden path." You never know how rocky the future might be.

Look at that. You made me think.


Sarah said...

Thank you Andrew :)

Thanks JzB - I'm glad I made you think ;)

Green Speck said...

You have used the words so well ... loved it !!!

CC said...

Well, I can't see the freudian slip, but I love the way you told the story.

Mark K said...

Hey, Sarah - thanks so much for you visit and comment, so very much appreciated.

Your piece had my mind searching and grasping as I read each descriptive sentence. Great writing indeed. :)

And I love the 'FFS' ;)

Sarah said...

Thank you CC (and it is there, just not so easy to spot :).

Thank you Mark, Im glad you liked it.

Ha ha, now you've given it away - I probably should have changed it but I just couldn't resist ... ;)

injaynesworld said...

Your use of flames and ash as her transition is so interesting and powerful. Like the mythical phoenix rising from the ashes.

Very beautiful and haunting.

Lisa Shambrook said...

I loved the way she left all behind with complete determination...Gorgeous words and imagery!

Sarah said...

Thanks jayne - the phoenix image is the one I wanted to create - a rebirth and a new start.

Thank you Lisa - sometimes that's all you can do isn't it. If you're always looking behind you will never know what may be in front of you.

Anonymous said...

wow what a story! beautifully written x

Sarah said...

Thank you so much Jenny x

Car said...

I love how this piece flows forth from your last FSF piece! Beautifully written Sarah, love the untrodden path ahead - makes me look forward to what is to come xx

Rossandra said...

I became quite immersed in this world you created, felt uplifted at the end. Well done.