Friday, 15 April 2011

Womens Best Kept Secret

                                                          With Diminishing Lucy

Oooh la la Bridget!
 What are control pants? Now Ive been asked this question a couple of times and I believe it's something every man should know.

Never having owned a pair I owe most of my knowledge to Bridget Jones. Im sure many of you have read the book or seen the film but can I suggest that those of you who havent, do? If you want to understand the inner working of a womans mind (and underwear) you really could go a long way and do a lot worse.

Control pants could come in many colours but are usually flesh coloured or black. They are big (there's no mistaking them!), made of nylon and have large panels of stretchy fabric. Normally stretchy fabric is to allow room for growth, not so control pants! These are used to hold in, flatten down and generally subdue bulges, rolls and generally unruly bits of the body.

They are apparently a nighmare to get on, involving lying on the floor and lots of wriggling, best (according to Bridget) rolled on with one hand whilst the other hand tucks in any wayward bits of flesh trying to escape.

Now, apart from the fact that Im lucky enough not to need (or dont care enough)  to wear them, they scare me! Where for instance does all this flesh go? Is it likely to suddenly appear mid date when the fight between pants and flesh becomes too much for them? Would I have an unsightly bulge suddenly pop out between the main course and the dessert? And what the hell would I do with it? Try and post it back in???

I think I'll just stick to letting it all hang out, that way, when Ive stopped trying to impress so much I wont need to explain why Ive suddenly increased by two dress sizes.

Besides, just say the date was going well, how would I explain why it's taken me half an hour to go to the loo (that's the minimum time required to get the damn things off and back on again)?

One thing I suppose you can be sure of, if a girls wearing control pants on a date with you, firstly, she likes you and secondly, you aint NEVER going to see them! :-)


Sydney Shop Girl said...

I totally agree!

Happy Control Pants Free Easter!

SSG xxx

Sydney Shop Girl blog

Sarah Mac said...

I'll eat chocolate to that!!!

Happy Easter xxx

Muddled Up Mumma said...

I am a recent fan of control pants after the hospital put me onto them for recovery purposes after the birth of my son last year. Means you can look great in dresses that otherwise would never be seen dead in...Also extra warmth down here in Melbourne over Winter :)

Felicity said...

I giggle at the memory of my SIL and I doing a dash [with my Mum in tow] to a lingerie store in Hastings St Noosa on the way to my 40th birthday lunch at a restaurant on the beach.

We'd just spent a lovely morning of pampering and got it into our heads that we may need a little help to reign in our 'tums' especially with the feast that was about to unfold.
Hmmm.....vanity at its best or worst?

I recall Mum watching our 'panic' buying with a wry smile plastered across her wise & beautiful face and I can just about guess what she was thinking.

I've whipped them out a couple of times in the years that have followed but must say only for 'emergencies' like special lunches!

xx Felicity

Sarah Mac said...

I can understand a medical need for them (although I would be a little scared that I might have to have them surgically removed after a vodka or two!) AND I concede they may well have insulating benefits. Here in my part of the UK temperatures fell to about -7 in January but fortunately I had learned that kittens have a body temperature of 102 degrees and so festooned myself with them instead. As well as being stylish yet practical they also covered a multitude of sins

Life In A Pink Fibro said...

Having had two kids I can vouch for the importance of Big Knickers. There are certain days and certain dresses that would not be got through without them!

Thanks for Rewinding at the Fibro!

Sarah Mac said...

Im all for a little vanity Felicity, I wax, pluck, dye and slap on the slap with the best of them. I just cant face 'big pants'. Id possibly like to, I probably NEED to but I just cant give up my useless little scraps of lace however unflattering they may be these days.

Sarah Mac said...

I can feel myself being bullied into them :) Ok, you win, Im gonna buy me a pair and test drive them ......... I shall report back

Sarah Mac said...

I meant to add, love, love LOVED rewinding at the Fibro, I was going to add the button but I didnt know how :( some truly great finds on there!

mamabook said...

Have avoided the control knickers out of sheer laziness rather than any lack of need. Plus I agree, not that I am dating, but much awkwardness when the clothes come off.
V funny post!
Michelle (rewinding) from 4kids1dogblog

Lady Estrogen said...

Hahaha.. funny :)
I found they gave me a whole new approach to skirts & dresses.
I hated the icky feeling I got with my sausage thighs rubbing together, and these puppies fixed that. I LOVE wearing skirts & dresses now. Hooray!

Coming from Rewind. x

Diminishing Lucy said...

I'm a fan....I ♥ my Spanx! Seriously - smooth lines and massive wobble reduction. For a posh frock, they are the best accessory...

Annieb25 said...

hehe I love them too, except when they roll down. It's not a very good look at all.

Sarah Mac said...

Well, I've taken the plunge and invested in a pair. At £26.99 Im expecting them to transform me into Dita Von Teese at the very least!

I shall be reporting back ........

Naomi said...

I had a pair, but I gave up on them. Like Annie says, they roll down... I just stick with what I've got!

Anonymous said...

I was at a designer clothing sale last year where change rooms were communal. A grogeous 40 something Spanish lady undressed to try on a dress and was wearing a strapless one piece body sucking number under her dress. My jaw dropped - that is how they look so gorgoeus in dresses!!! I bought myself one and love it! Sexier on the eye than the big knickers which do roll down.

Maxabella said...

I haven't really done the 'sucky in pants' (as we used to call my mother's 'girdle') and can't imagine caring that much about my lumps and bumps. I just wear a lot of loose jersey, I guess! x

Sarah Mac said...

The bloody things damn near made my FOOT explode Naomi!!! If you get a chance, have a look at http://peopledonteatenoughfudge.blogspot.com/2011/04/tight-squeeze-early-outing.html

I have to admit, some of them did look pretty sexy Vanessa (although NOT the ones I ended up buying) but they come with their own set of problems as I found out in the tight squeeze post lol.

I'm with you Maxabella AND I can now speak from experience, loose jersey works for me!