Friday, 20 June 2014

Just Call Me Baby

Yesterday Joe from Cranky Old Man wrote a post about how he felt it was time Mrs Cranky had a pet name for him (she usually just refers to him as 'Jerk').

Joe thought M'Lord might be appropriate.

I can see how that would work for him.

Anyway, it got me thinking ...

SD should have a pet name for me too!!

I mean, he calls me lots of things already.  Idiot, comedy date,  ....

But you know, those name could apply to ANYONE couldn't they?

I need a very special name all of my own!

Last night SD was doing some more work on that never ending hedge at the farm so I said I'd cycle over and give him a hand (obviously I meant I would lie on the lawn sunbathing while he brought me cake and cups of tea ...).

He brought me a pitchfork, a rake and a pair of gloves and told me to make myself useful raking up the cuttings and transporting them to the bonfire he was building in the paddock ...

It was bloody hot yesterday, I'd spent an exhausting afternoon lying on the decking topping up my tan and it wasn't getting any cooler as the evening approached so there I was in my shorts, bikini top and a stout pair of trainers sweating my arse off trundling the wheelbarrow back and forth and getting stung to buggery by the nettles.

Who needs to go to a gym when you have half a hundred weight of greenery to lob onto a fire, believe me, you won't get a better workout!

I may have mentioned before that I can get a little distracted at times, for some reason this seems to irritate SD  but you know, if you just ignore stuff, keep going until the job is done (which is what SD thinks I should do) then you miss out on all sorts of things don't you?

So, while SD was accumulating great piles of greenery I was busy examining an ants nest - it's fascinating watching ants don't you think?  They are so busy, so focused, nothing distracts them from their purpose ....  Ummm, ok, I guess there is a little irony in that observation ...

SD said I reminded him of a song by The Prodigy.

'Fire Starter you mean?'

'I was thinking more Smack My Bitch Up' he replied now will you FFS leave that ants nest alone and do some work!

I returned to work slightly subdued ...

'I think you should have a pet name for me' I told him leaning on my pitchfork.

Something that epitomises me, something that encapsulates how you feel about me, something that  incorporates the essence of me.

'Sarah' he said - I haven't got the faintest idea what you are babbling on about now do you think you could actually DO SOME WORK???

I subsided once more.

I carried on raking up from one side of the hedge as SD started cutting the other side (actually, he couldn't see me so what I was actually doing was trying to take a photo of the runner beans which are in full flower at the farm now as they were planted several weeks before mine and the red flowers are SO pretty!).

SD said something to me but I wasn't really listening as I was focusing on getting the best shot.

'What are you doing NOW???' - I nearly wet myself!  I hadn't heard him creep up behind me.

'For gods sake Simon, at this rate we will NEVER get this bloody hedge finished!' ....

Hang on ....  'Did you just call me SIMON???' ....

'I said Sarah' SD replied defensively.

'You bloody didn't, you just called me Simon!!!'

SD looked a bit sheepish, then he started laughing.

'What, WHAT???'

You know what it was?

When he looks at me he starts thinking of that nursery rhyme SIMPLE SIMON!!!

That wasn't quite what I meant when I suggested a pet name ....




Brighton Pensioner said...

That's it! From now on you shall be known as . . .

joeh said...

It's better than Jerk!

ann said...

You will be pleased to know that Simple Simon is on the politically incorrect list!! sd could get in a lot of trouble!!

Holly Hollyson @ Full of Beans and Sausages said...

Ok...I had no idea simple Simon was on the politically incorrect list! Yikes - guessing that list never came over to Canada - all the teachers play it here with the kids. Makes total sense though. I get distracted by ants too! It's totally fine - ants are fascinating!

Roan said...

LOL that was a great story!

Sarah said...

Lol, BP - I suspect I already am ;-)

Yes Joe, I guess it is ...

Ha ha, he already IS Ann :-)

I agree Holly, you can learn a lot from ants!

Thanks Roan ;-)