Monday, 10 November 2014

The Very Inappropriate Post ...

I had a bit of a Eureka moment on Saturday.

I was chatting to a friend who was having a bit of a sort out and it inspired me. So, on impulse, I  decided to paint out the beach hut stripes in my bathroom and go for something more ....

Well, I WANT to say sophisticated ...

I know, I KNOW,  but I'm sure I can pull it off ...

So I  grabbed a tin of paint and a brush and started slapping a bit of paint around.

20 minutes later I was head down in the freezer digging out some frozen plums and a tub of blackberry and apple to make a couple of crumbles and it occurred to me.


I can knock up a sponge cake in 10 minutes and then leave it for 20 or so minutes to cook.  Scones, meringues, bread, pies ...

None of them take more that 30 minutes to make (excluding baking time) and that's about the limit of my shockingly poor attention span!

I am rubbish at long term projects, I get bored, put them off and often start something new before I've finished.

Baking and cooking is something I can do that I actually finish and really makes me feel like I'm achieving something!

Before I DO totally paint out the beach hut bathroom though I thought I'd share some photos with you of how it is now (only the best bits mind, I'm not showing you the crappy unfinished bits ...)

 And here it is

I've loved this room but now it really is time for a change.  I've outgrown the beach hut look (although I may keep some bits around) and I've decided the room would look really good in a very pale grey.

I estimate that at the current rate of progress it might just be finished by Easter!

On the way to the supermarket the other night SD and Miss Mac were cheerfully listing each others annoying qualities.

SD was definitely winning the argument, Miss Mac is indisputably untidy, rather lazy and, in a teenagery way sightly self obsessed.

SD's annoying qualities are rather more subtle and harder to define, something Miss Mac was starting to find frustrating when she suddenly burst out with:

'Well YOU have erectile dysfunction!!!'*

SD looked in the reversing mirror one eyebrow raised - Miss Mac nodded vigorously.

SD glanced my way, I shrugged, shook my head slightly and widened my eyes as though to say, 'of course we don't discuss those kind of things!'

Then I giggled - 'wouldn't that make a GREAT name for a punk band?'**

I mean, can you imagine the endless possibilities for cover songs?

'Rise Above' (Black Flag) -  I Wanna Be Sedated (The Ramones) - Sonic Reducer (Dead Boys) - Last Caress (The Misfits)  and there are some even better ones by X-Ray-Spex and the Buzzcocks.

Talking of which, can you see the marketing potential?

The Erectile Dysfunction supported by The Buzzcocks or, Erectile Dysfunction followed by The Cure ...

Anyway ...

Have I ever told you how much Miss Mac makes me laugh?

We were in the kitchen last night practising our arabesque using the kitchen worktop as a barre while we waited for the kettle to boil for out hot water bottles (I just LOVE my hot water bottle!) and discussing Miss Mac's hair as we often do.

She has beautiful thick, glossy, naturally wavy hair but is always looking at new ways to wear it.

Yesterday she had changed her side parting from the right to the left thinking it gave her hair more lift.

Suddenly she let out a shriek - 'Oh my GOD' she shouted - look at my forehead - it's HUGE!!!

I looked at it - it looked perfectly normal to me - exactly the same as it's always done...

'CAN'T YOU SEE?' she yelled.

'It's practically the size of the Isle of Wight!!!' 'I can't believe I've been walking around like this for my whole life and NO ONES told me!!!!'  'Maybe you couldn't see it before with my hair on the other side.'

She ran into the bathroom to get a better look.  I followed her still not being able to see what all the fuss was about.

She peered at it closely in the mirror.

'Well, you cant see it from THIS angle' she muttered but I caught sight of my reflection in profile in the glass on the back door and its MASSIVE!'

Eventually we went back into the kitchen so I could make her a soothing cup of tea and, as she leaned weakly against the fridge tentatively examining her forehead with her fingers I happened to glance at her reflection in the back door myself.

Bloody hell, she was right!  Her forehead was MONSTROUS - I quickly looked back at her - it looked normal - back to the reflection - MASSIVE.

It seems there may be a slight flaw in the glass on the back door at exactly the height of Miss Macs head that had distorted it in the same way as the hall of mirrors does at a fun fair ...

Yes ... Well OBVIOUSLY that had occurred to me ...

*He doesn't ok and I'd like to say that I thought she didn't really know what this meant but I suspect we both know I'd be lying.

** No offence intended and hopefully none taken - my sense of humour is not always politically correct ...


joeh said...

Sit on a telephone book, new reflection, problem solved!

Young ladies...if they don't drive you crazy they are fun.

I love my step-crank (sometimes, other times I want to set her on fire.)

AGuidingLife said...

I used to have a couple of those beach huts. The roofs lifted up. I can't remember where they disappeared to! Probably behind the curtains!

Sarah said...

I know how you feel Joe - she drives me mad sometimes but I wouldn't change a thing about her.

They DO lift up K - I bought a couple from JoJo Maman probably more than 10 years ago - I gave one to my sister and the other I kept.

Unknown said...

I'm laughing out loud at your daughter saying that her sister has erectile dysfunction and then your whole punk band and song tangent. You and I would have so much tangent fun if we were neighbors. Also, love the way the glass gave your daughter a "five head." LOL.

Holly Hollyson @ Full of Beans and Sausages said...

How hideous to have a mirror that makes your forehead look bigger! Miss Mac sounds like a chip of the old block! I remember the first time I saw my own reflection with my first pair of glasses on, I was horrified!