Friday, 23 September 2011


I've had two phone calls today.

With no preamble they both plunged right into the middle of conversation like a) I knew who the hell it was and b) I knew what the hell they were talking about.

Ok, so technically I DID know who it was thanks to caller ID but who starts a conversation with:

a)  Has it arrived yet?  or

b) Don't buy any potatoes!

A. would have made more sense if I'd been expecting something which I wasn't and B. I could have understood a little better had I been on my way to the supermarket, which again, I wasn't.

A was Big D, he has a tendency to order stuff from Amazon and have it delivered to my address in the hope that he can sneak it into his own home without the lovely L noticing.   The fact that he gets so excited about his latest purchase and  usually ends up telling her about it thus negating the need for all this subterfuge seems to have passed him by.

The fact that he expects me to stay in and wait for his deliveries has NOT passed me by!

B was my friend Woody.  He'd fixed a computer as a favour for a farmer friend of his who in return had pressed upon him a large sack of potatoes. An  ideal thank you for a single guy!!

Dressing it up in the guise of a generous gift he thought that I might like a sodding great sack spuds that would no doubt sit mouldering and sprouting while the children and I waded through mountains of mash for the next couple of months.

Before you think I'm an ungrateful cow you should remember that a)  HE doesn't want them and  b) until the damned things start rotting his plan is to pop over every now and then to pick up a few when he needs them (or he can persuade me to cook for him).

I am just a storage facility!  In fact, I'm just a bloody storage facility for both of them, hmmmm!

bit of a weird camera angle trying to
avoid showing you my knickers :)

As I was walking through town earlier today I became aware of a strange phenomenon, my jeans were GROWING.  I swear to god when I put them on this morning they fitted.  As far as I'm aware I haven't lost any weight in the last 5/6 hours but you could practically fit a whole other me in there now!!!

What's THAT all about??

Finally, a quick Happy Birthday for tomorrow to Smart Arse.  I won't join in with the unwashed hoards on FB  to wish you many happy returns because I have my own little space right here.  Have a great day and have a vodka for me (I may even buy you one some time :) xx


AGuidingLife said...

Isn't it odd how the FB hoards haven't discovered twitter showers with a blog douche thrown in. My, your stomach is flat and any chance of a chip....well if your posts will diversify so must the comments !

Dave said...

I so wish I suffered from growing jeans/shorts to the degree you do! I've already lost a couple of pound during my new fangled diet, if it continues and I require some additional carbs, I now know where potatoes are traditionally stored. :P

Mark said...

It might just be the light but has someone nicked your bum ? That might be why the jeans seem loose - Whilst you were out wandering around, The Serial Taunton Bum Nicker may well have snuck up and nicked your arse... just one possible scenario...

Lene said...

I also have a massive bag of unwashed spuds sprouting things and growing mildew in my cupboard. Hubby bought them on special......sometimes I wish he wouldn't!

Sarah said...

A blog douche :) pretty much sums up what you get from me. I may add it to my profile! Chips, roasties, mash, Im your women, come anc join the potato fest.

Sarah said...

Jeans that grow in public aren'texactly a good look Dave :)

Sarah said...

Ha ha, please to report that my bum is still intact Mark. Maybe I'll publish a photo of it as proof. I could call it an ART shot ;)

Sarah said...

Gotta love men Lene ..... or have you? Hmmmm ...