Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Crap and Councillors

Only a couple more days of NaBloPoMo to go.

Wow, it's been a struggle on a couple of days but I've rewound a couple of posts (and lightning didn't strike me :) and there have been a couple of Silent Sunday posts and of course today's photo challenge to pad it all out.

A few people have said 'never again'  but I hear them saying it over at WriNoBlo  ....  too. God, sorry, never was any good with acronyms.

You KNOW what I mean.

Today I really wanted to write my WoW  post.

I usually have a post part written or in my head way before the prompt comes out and today was no exception.

I had a continuation from last weeks story and I also thought about writing the story behind the bangle.

I DID write it in fact, it's just sitting in draft.

Why didn't I go with that one?

Well, candles don't feature in the story but you know me, I have ways of MAKING that prompt work for the story I want to write ;)

I didn't for two reasons.

One, is that it's not just my story and maybe it's something that's just too personal and I shouldn't share.

I really dont know.

Secondly, does it add to the story that you DON'T know?

Would it break the spell if you already have already built your own story behind it?

Am I in danger of believing my own hype.  Possibly you don't actually give a toss :)

The prompt today was a beautiful photo of  floating candles in Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris and, if I don't go with Rock Chick this week, then I WILL find another story to write that will hopefully do it justice.

So, what shall I talk about?

Well (of COURSE I have something :)

This evening I attended a council meeting.

For those of you who don't know, I belong to an action group for our local park.

We do a little fund raising.  A little bulb planting. A little bench painting ect.

Little things that make our park a nicer place and ensure that the local council have a vested interest in keeping it looking good ie WE KNOW WHERE THEY LIVE!!!

God councilors are (for the most part) boring old farts!

I went along with Den. I shall call him Den, not necessarily because that's his name but because that's what I choose to call him.

In fact, I shall call him Dirty Den or DD or no ...  I shall call him Double D!!!

Ok, Double D (which is NOT his real name) and I rocked up at about 6:20 for a 6:30 start.

He is a truly crap driver btw with a truly crap car.

I got in the bastard thing, went to shut the door and the whole door panel damn near came off in my hand (my bloody finger nail DID come off!!).

He also drove half the way home again so busy slagging off the Christmas lights in town (they aren't THAT bad) that he totally forgot to turn his lights on.

Anyway, crap driver with a shitty car he may be but I'm really rather fond of him and I love that fact that he's so far out of place in a council meeting it's like being there with an alien from another planet which cheers me up no end.

Like I said, they are a bunch of boring farts.

Double D kept asking what I was scribbling on my note pad before the meeting had even started.

Blog fodder I hissed (he has NO idea what a blog is bless him)  have you seen his braces?

Pull those babies any higher and he'll be wearing his testicles as earings!

Better still twang them and see if his nipples fly off said Double D.

 I snorted VERY loudly at that point not realising that as I was leaning forward Id depressed the talk button on my microphone.

 I sooo wanted to take pictures of them all for you.

That's another thing!!

The damn room was set up like the House of Commons. All state of the art whatnots, no WONDER the bloody roads are full of pot hole, I SEE where my council tax goes!!

Anyway, I digress ...

I so want to just photocopy and scan my scribbles for you  complete with doodles but they are so bad even I struggle to decipher them.

It started off with a friendly debate about when they would be getting their year book (the councilors bible that tells them all the meeting dates, who's who, who THEY are ect).

It transpired that a couple had already got them.  Much 'poor show' and 'ye gads' followed as those who had flourished them and those who didn't looked on in envy.

That was until it transpire that this year THERE WAS NO RIBBON!!

What effing ribbon?

The one to place in between the pages so you don't lose your place of course.

They seemed to lose some of their kudos after that and much grumbling and threats of 'having words' were uttered.

Apparently it was a money saving initiative.

OF COURSE, they have to pay for f*cking state of the art conference rooms SOMEHOW don't they?

Then there was the discussion about the clocks in the room.

One told the correct time, the other appeared to be stuck at 5 to 5.

'Wasn't that the time Blue Peter used to start?' Said the mayor (I shit you not, it was the mayor!)

No, said Cllr ESP (and yes, those ARE his real initials;) That was Cracker Jack.

The sole magistrate at the back (who had been peacefully dozing) suddenly piped up, 'we have to pay for our own effing year books you know, you should think yourselves lucky!.

She then went promptly back to sleep for the rest of the meeting.

The Chair, cllr f*ckwit  (yeees, that's HIS real name too :) apologised for sounding like he came from Wolverhampton but he had a slight cold (difficult one that if you dont know what a Wolverhampton accent sounds like)

Ok, this might help ...

They then discussed the merits of having a calender printed next year.

Ooh, we were going to do that piped up the deputy mayor but the cost was astronomical so we are having a series of tea towels printed instead (I shit you not!!;).

Briefly the possibility of having the cllrs do it WI style, ie naked was considered but it was generally agreed that no one really wanted to see them at all ...  ever ...  even fully clothed let alone in the buff .

This was all by the way BEFORE the meeting proper started.

We were there to discuss the Diamond Jubilee celebrations and to ensure that events didn't encroach or overlap.

Woe betide anyone trying to steal a  rise over the Eggbuckland egg throwing competition or the Welland wheelbarrow race with (chortle) REAL wheelbarrows!!

Personally I thought the Wellington wife wanging competition and the Thurloxton toast tossing events sounded like MUCH more fun. (I may or may not be lying about any or ALL of this btw;)

They then started banging on about lighting the beacons which was all a little boring tbh.

Should they just be official ones or could we all build bloody great bonfires in our back gardens?

Historically they would have been lit at the top of churches but sadly health and safety and insurance ect pretty much rules that out these days.

I did have a little chuckle when concerns were expressed that this bureaucracy, gone mad might,  'weaken the beacon' :)

There was then a long diatribe from a bloke I could have sworn wasn't English but according to Double D it was just that he had so many plums in his mouth he could barely speak.

No idea what he was banging on about.

Midway through it all I had a sudden craving for Coronation Chicken.

WTF was that all about??

I haven't had Coronation Chicken since the 1987 Boxing Day turkey curry buffet at Aunty Alices (and even then it was turkey, not chicken) .

Anyway, I think I got down most of the salient points.

Perhaps I should just email this post to our secretary?

That'll teach her to go herself next time!


Fiona @nlpmum said...

LOL sounds like something out of Alice in Wonderland..... where do they find these people!!! I have a horrible image of DD running around with testicles for earings.... so thanks for that!

Sarah Mac said...

Ooo err,me too now Fiona. Thanks for THAT! ;)

Anonymous said...

oerrr.. sounds like madness! but i did have a giggle at parts ;)

Nikki - A Mother in France said...

Haha, at least the meetings give you something to amuse us all with ;) I recently went to the meeting of the 'Association des Commercants' (the Association of local businesses in our town). I took one of my teenage sons with me to translate (just in case I couldn't understand everything). Our meeting was much more civilised, we had grapes and satsumas to munch on and wine of course (this is France). I was pleasantly surprised and I even understood most of what was being said (at least I think I did). Hopefully I haven't volunteered myself for something by smiling and nodding in the wrong place!

Rollercoaster Mum said...

I've been to a few parish council meetings and meetings of our local Village Hall committee and although on a much smaller scale I imagine this does sound horribly familiar. They spend hours discussing fuck all and all I want to do is kick arse and tell them to just get on and do something! Oh and as for PTA meetings - oh yayay *rolling eyes* you have to take a vote on whether to charge 25p or 30p for a secondhand book - for fucks sake - have they got nothing better to do - someone take an executive decision - pleeeease! (I have mostly given up on the PTA - drove me mad!)