Thursday, 24 November 2011

Let It Flow, let it flow, let it flow ....

There are quite lot of  (excellent) blogs out there giving tips and advice on how to bring up children, behavioural psychology, do's and don'ts for parents ect.

So I thought, hey, I'll bet I could do that too!

(That would be a little like me deciding I'm an authority on kissing btw ;)

Anyway, I was at the supermarket today as I am most days thanks to

 a) not owning a car and therefore not being able to do a big shop and

 b) having two teenagers who NEVER seem to stop eating.

I was joined, as I often am, by a combination of pensioners with whom I enjoy a good fight for the nicer reduced items in the chiller dept.

Sometimes they win by blocking my access with tartan pull along trolleys but mostly I win because they can't bend far enough to get to the low shelf that Sainsburys very kindly put the stuff on. (possibly a post on this to follow)

Watch and weep old lady, watch and weep (I am KIDDING ...  honest ;)

I'm also joined by the Mums and pre-school children.

Taking kids shopping is rarely fun for anyone, child, parent or innocent bystander so I thought ok, lets look at the difficulties from a different angle.

Lets work WITH them rather than against them.

I came up with a couple of ideas that MIGHT just save your sanity.

1)  At the supermarket your child throws a tantrum refusing to move -

Answer - Simply tape banana skins under their shoes.  Tie a leash around their wrist and TOW them behind you.

2) Your child is running around. Up and down aisles. Completely out of control and ignoring all your shouts and threats -

Answer - shout  instructions to your child to do exactly what it is they are already doing thus giving the impression that they are perfectly behaved.

3)  Your 18 month old reaches out and piles everything within arms reach into your trolley -

Answer - Say to everyone within hearing - ' amazing isn't it - I left my shopping list at home but fortunately he/she only had to read it once and they memorised everything on it!  (wipe that smug smile off those bitches faces!)

4)  Children demanding I want, I want all the way around the shop?

Answer - Give it to them ... simple! (making sure they have eaten/drunk/pocketed everything BEFORE you get to the checkout).

Finally if all else fails - when you are at your wits end, - when your head is pounding and you reach for those painkillers.

Try remembering :

It doesn't say 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN' for nothing on the side of a paracetamol bottle ;)

I am now feeling a warm, tingly glow having spread a little of my parenting wisdom.

Please do let me know if my tips help.

nb if any of the above result in arrest, I've never seen you before in my life!

Ok - time for today's shout out ....

Nikki - A Mother in France has joined in with NaBloPoMo this month and has been writing posts based on 30 Steps to Happiness and Contentment.

I look forward to them every day - they just warm my heart :)


Rollercoaster Mum said...

Fab post as always! Loving those tips - you could give Gina Ford (aka the Nazi Nanny) a run for her money!!

Anonymous said...

lol. I'm sure my blood pressure just rises everytime I enter the supermarket. Today my 3 year old found a container of his favourite yoghurt. At the checkout he decided he HAD to carry the tub of yoghurt home. He navigated all the way down the hill to the car, then tripped just as he was about to get in. Suffice to say it went "splat". cracked container.....

The Handmade Mum said...

Haha, I will remember these tips next time I have to take a trip to the shops with my 2 year old. Yesterday he was charging up and down the isles, running into people, things, grabbing stuff. I like the people who just laugh it off, rather than the grumpy ones that turn there nose up at you!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, I love this, I have often thought about the "shout at them to do whatever they are doing"!!!! Love it and would love to know if anyone actually tries these out!!!

Nikki - A Mother in France said...

HaHa, will definitely try these out next time I'm in the supermarket with my littlies. I still think leaving them at home with their older brother is by far the best option (although he doesn't think it is, but what's the point of having teenagers if they don't baby sit their younger siblings??)
Thanks for the shout out :)

helloitsgemma said...

Top tips!
a friend lost her son in a large Tesco, she reasoned he chances of a child snatcher also being in store was a million to one and she'd probably find him in the toy section. So she carried on her shop until they announced that he'd been found over the tanoy. I admire her for that.