Tuesday, 18 October 2011

Who Am I? (contains bad language, truth and nuts)

This morning I woke up to the following message on Facebook:

God you're cute...a friend of k*****?

I deactivated my Facebook account a few weeks ago after posting this picture:

To me this is just one of a series of photos that was taken that day.  It's not my favorite. I don't think it's particularly flattering.

But, something about it obviously made one of my male FB 'friends' think I would be up for a series of messages (which I didn't reply to) full of sexual innuendo and suggestion.

Maybe I should have told him to fuck off.  Maybe I should have publicly named and shamed him on FB.

But that's not me and anyway, do I really want everyone including my children to see that. To know what and how he thinks of me?

I could just have unfriended him.  I could have removed the photo.

I deactivated my account.  I felt grubby ...

I gave it some thought.  I'm not a huge fan of Facebook these days. It's lost it's appeal for me a little although at one time it was a real lifeline.

But there are good things about it.  It's the only way I stay in regular contact with some of my friends who don't live locally.

I like to see what they are up to. See their children growing up in photos. Hop onto chat and catch up from time to time.

So, a few days ago I reactivated my account.  I unfriended and blocked that person.  That's something I've never done before.  

I don't have hundreds of friends on Facbook.  I don't accept friends requests from the 'people collectors' as I think of them.  The people who befriend friends of friends just to boost numbers. 

I don't understand the point of that.  The people I have on there are people I care about in varying degrees.  I don't know them all really well but I like them.

I changed my profile photo to this:

Now I'm not going to naively say that I'm not aware that it might have a certain appeal to some men and lets face it, most of us wouldn't post an unflattering photo.  You also have to remember my gurning tendency so my options tend to be limited but, mostly I doubt my FB friends gave it a second thought.

So, back to this morning message.  Who was this person?  Well, I checked him out.  Obviously he was a friend of K's.  How did he find me?  I haven't posted or commented on her wall for ages.  

I guess he was just trawling her friends list and came across me.

His profile is open so I had a look.  He's a good looking guy, about 10 years younger than me and he has over 700 friends.  Without looking through all of them I'd guess that about 80% are women.

It's not an offensive message, maybe I should even be flattered but you know what?  I'm not!

This is where it may turn into a little bit of a pissed off rant so you may wish to turn off now :)

I am sick and bloody tired of being viewed and judged on appearance!  I don't think I'm god's gift.  I'm not egocentric.  I don't think anyone would be lucky to have me.  I don't want to be someones fucking ego wank ever again!

Ok, rant over ...  Hmmm, that was shorted than expected ;)

I'm 45.  I'm a single parent.  I'm a home maker.  I love to cook. To garden. I love children. I like going out and having fun.  I love music and laughter. I love to write. I do stupid things.  I love the people I love without question. I love to behave irresponsibly. To run into the sea fully clothed.  To roll down a grassy slope. To climb a tree even though I know I'll be scared to climb back down. I like to talk. To listen. To really get to know people.  To understand what makes them tick.  To make them happy.

I want to be listened to.  Have my opinions valued. I want to be asked what I think.  I want to matter, I mean REALLY matter.

I want to be taken seriously FFS!

If I ever chance another relationship and to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I want to, then I'd quite like it if that person loved the person I am on the inside too.

Believe me, the outside is all going to go pear shaped at some point (probably in the not too distant future).

I just don't have TIME for this shit!


Sarah Mac said...

Hmmm, note to self * possibly leave rants in draft form for at least 24 hours just on the off chance that they may be hormone related :)

I've been out, had some fresh air and actually feel like a bit of a prat now having re-read that.

Just to clarify:

I DO like men in general (honest, I really, really do!)

Not all my relationships have been with complete tossers. In fact, most of them have been with people that I still regard with affection.

I LOVE getting compliments.

I DO sound a little (maybe a lot) like I think I'm god's gift.

My name is Sarah and I have red hair and apparently the temperament to match ...

bugger :(

Feisty Cat said...

Ah, the joys of being a redhead. I can relate.

Facebook is high school, with a touch of kindergarten thrown in for good measure.

--Feisty C

Sarah Mac said...

and I feel like I've just been caught smoking behind the bike sheds or grafiting the loo walls!

I was going to delete the post but I think I'll keep it as a salutary lesson to myself NOT to be such a ... well, I'll just let you fill in your own word here ;)

Anonymous said...

Go you!

I quite agree - I thin I would be upset if someone who was friend of a friend was trawling through friends lists and making unwelcome comments.
Make your profile so that only your friends can see it - then any trawlers won't be able to get past your profile pic to make any comments on any other photos.

Some people are just plain weird - and its always the ones you least expect that are the weirdest.

Just as and aside - my paracord maniac is now making key fobs to put into every geocache we find - he's trying to enable the survivalist in everyone I suspect...lol

Lou :-)

Sarah Mac said...

Says another fellow red head ;)

Ha ha, I probably did over react a little Lou although I didn't actually reply to either of them.

I'm made of tougher stuff than that generally and the one this morning was quite harmless really (the other less so).

I thought I did have my profile protected but it seems I didn't. I do now.

I think it was my general man bashing that took me by surprise.

I don't think they are all the same and in fact, it's the ones who don't know me I seem to have the most trouble with. The one's who do hopefully have a little more respect for me (and women in general).

Lol, at least your son is trying to save the world, mine is far more interested in saving himself should the end of the world be nigh although I'm not sure that 30 miles of paracord, 12 torches and an array of flourescent strips are really going to save his hide should it all come crashing down ;)

Amber said...

I love this! I think every woman has experienced something similar to this and it really is frustrating. Thanks for putting it into words so well!

Anonymous said...


my son is only now trying to save the world because he has made sure that 'we' have everything we need.
As we will be living on the crossroads of 2 fault lines in SM, S had put him in charge is disaster supplies, so you can image the amount of paracord we have floating around, combined with huge water carriers that he has instructed S to buy. Tinned food, penknives, torches, tents, matches, cb radio and cb walkie talkies etc etc.
Perhaps we shoul dstick our 2 boys together somewhere and let them save themselves while we get on with trying to enjoy a life without disaster!....lol

Lene said...

I have to agree with you regarding the whole facebook debacle. for years I didn't join because I didn't want people nosing into my business...but then I started blogging so go figure! I'm on there now but will not befriend people simply because they are friends of friends!

I think your rant is well justified. Who wants to be judged simply by a photo (which undoubtly is gorgeous!) Having risque messages sent to you is definitely creepy!

Eloise said...

I had a profile picture on FB that seemed to have an strange effect on men....one of my FB friends (I have not met this person in real life but we came to know each other online as we are both Foo Fighters fans) sent me a PM saying 'just gotta say, this photo is completely intimidating', then later, another friend of mine who knows me pretty well left a comment on the same pic that said 'you do realise you look like Nietzche's bitch in this photo' hahaha. I changed my profile pic :)

Anonymous said...

Amen to that!!
I often feel the same way about comments I get on my facebook. I too prefer not to collect facebook friends like baseball cards...

Also, I hope you do not mind.... I gave a little shout out to your blog on mine. I really like your style and how honest you are in your posts. I hope that my friends can enjoy your writing as much as I do.

Cannot wait to see what you write next.



Anonymous said...

I'm sorry , but i had a damn good laugh at this rant. I think most "men" think that when it comes to a line like that, we all jump onto that wagon. F knows why, anyway, i love your blog. I think i am going to visit this a lot from now on. Hope you have fun and next time, tell them to go F themselves, maybe after that they will be grown up enough to play with adults.
Nice day to you.

Sarah Mac said...

Well, it's just before 8:30 in the morning here in the UK and I was really surprised when I logged in to see that this post had attracted quite so many comments.

I honestly expected at least one person to say 'get over yourself, toughen up, this is the real world'.

I didn't think I was alone in having to deal with unwanted attention from time to time but I did think that maybe people would think I should have dealt with it better.

Thank you Amber - as you say, probably all women get this from time to time. I'm ok with it up to a certain point but when I say no, I really DO mean no.

Lou - put our two together and I'd be afraid we might end up with a Lord of the Flies situation :). I am really glad I'm not alone though ;) x

Thanks Lene :) I did wonder if I'd over reacted in finding it creepy. No further messages from him so far so either he's gone for an easier target or he genuinely meant no harm and it was as far as he was concerned just a compliment.

I'm a little the same re FB/blogging. In some ways it doesn't make sense does it. I share far more here than I would on FB.

Hey Eloise, the Foo Fighters get quite a lot of airtime in this house too! I'm not sure what Id think if someone left that sort of comment on one of my pics! I think I'd just leave it up to scare the sh*t out of them (I quite like my men scared;)

Thank you Meg :) And thank you so much for the shout out too!

Thanks Berlina - I spend quite a lot of time laughing at myself too :)) Nice to have you around and I hope you have a great day too!

The Rambling Pages said...

I would of really ranted about that as well - I'm not a redhead but my Dad is so I say its in my genes, plus both boys are what my husband likes to refer to as 'strawberry blond'!.

I hate the fact other people trwl through their friends lists looking at complete strangers. I also only accept friendship from people I want to be in touch with, and hate the people collectors. I take satsifaction in pressing the ignore button from them, am I just evil.

Good for you for ranting, it does the soul good.

And by the way if I look at good as you at 45 then I would be posting pics like that as well, I am only 37 and look about 50!

dakes83 said...

Quite exciting post.Sometimes Ranting,at other times cool headed.An enigma of sought,but i think you are just being you and being real at the same time.

After some time,you might have a look and wonder if you were ever the one who posted this.please keep it,as you might someday need it to remind you who you are not who people think or want you to be.

cheers to being you!!

Sarah Mac said...

Thanks RP - the occasional rant does do me good and helps stop the worry lines too (although misty mirrors and over exposed photos also play their part;).

Thank you dakes - It is pretty much me really. My rants are never long and I'm over them pretty quickly too.

I will keep it but I think I'll always be me from now on. I used to try and be who I thought people wanted me to be but it never made me very happy.