Monday, 9 January 2012

Epic Fail part 2

Now, for those of you who are Badoo virgins I thought you might like a brief overview.

Ok, First of all you sign up to Badoo (or not as the case may be - Badoo is quite happy to do that on your behalf).

Then you buy Super Powers! (or not as the case may be).

If you are Super Hot (ahem, that would be me;) you get them for free (ok, you might just have to be a woman to get them or something. I don't know but that sounded better!).

Then, off you go ... 

Message, add photos (Badoo is quite happy to do this for you too!!), send gifts, add favourites yada, yada, yada.

You then meet the person of your dreams and live happily ever after.


Back in the real world you get a message from David - 39 - from London who appears to have stepped straight out of a toothpaste ad ...

(brief pause here to wonder why my mouse wasn't working only to discover that what I had in my hand was in fact my phone!).

Anyway, back to David.

Having ascertained that his interests included, jaffa cakes, vodka and red wine he was beginning to sound just a little too good to be true so I asked him for his views on liver and celery.

BINGO - perfect man!

Or WAS he???

It seemed all talk of food may have led him in a direction that I wasn't sure I was ready to go ...

Soon he was extolling the virtues of whipped cream and offering to lick it from my naked body.

Ummm, 'we seem to have skipped the getting to know you bit' I pointed out ...

Predictably he suggested that it would be a REALLY good way to get to know each other.

Now, having read Lady E's post just this very morning on the subject of whipped cream I feel I'm something of an expert on the matter (although you do need to remember that I am perfectly willing to assume I'm an expert on many matters regardless of any knowledge I may or may not possess. I refuse to be bogged down by mere details! ;).

Anyhow, I decided to steer him back to the more mundane - 'what do you do blah, blah' type of stuff but he was having none of it.

While he formulated his next batch of sexual suggestions I decided to google, toothpaste/men/smile ...

You know where this is going don't you? ;)

Yep, sure enough, 4 pics along, there was 'David'

Hmmm, so I thought about playing along a bit longer.

Maybe making a few suggestions of my own about what HE could do with a can of whipped cream a feather duster and a cucumber!

But, taking the bull by the horns (or the horny bull by the .... no, no,  lets NOT go there) I confronted him.

'David, you're just a DOM with your hand down the front of your grubby tracksuit pants aren't you?


joeh said...

Whipped cream and a cucumber...ok...but a feather duster? EWWW!!

Cranky Old Man

Kelloggsville said...

I feel sullied by proxy ( ps found my phone in the fridge this morning pretending to be milk, maybe it's the phones trying out new guises not us going bonkers)

Catherine said...

Seriously?! Ugh. This is why when Mr. G kicks off or leaves me I am going it alone. Too many creepy guys out there. Thank God you're smart enough to see through them!

Rollercoaster Mum said...

eeeugh! Think I'll stick with what I've got - better the devil you know etc (and he's not that bad really!)
By the way good to see you and your mojo back :)

Anonymous said...

When they post a photo like that you just know its too good to be true!

Just too cool that you strung him along - I remember my Mum doing that to some random guy who made a smutty phone call to our house...I don't know where she got her know-how (she is my Mum after all - surely she can't know that stuff - or so I thought), but anyway in the end the guy hung up on her, to which she sighed and said oh well, I was having fun there!!!

I haven't never seen my Mum in the same light since!

Go you Sarah

Lou :-)

Sarah Mac said...

What can I say Joe apart from the fact that it isn't MY fantacy (I like to think I'd be a little more imaginative;).

I felt slightly sullied too K.

Damn phones :) we seem to spend most of out time ringing each others in this house because we can't find them!

Hmmm, probably the sensible option Catherine - this one was easy but some, well, sometimes the fakes are harder to spot.

Good to be back RCM and the mojo is alive and kicking ;)

Bugger Lou - I know it wasn't your intention but it's made me look a little closer at MY motives here ... Maybe he isn't actually any worse than me (although at least my photos are me) x

Carmen said...

Hey, David's cute! Can I have his #. Oh, wait... nevermind.

Sarah Mac said...

Haha, yep Carmen .... ;)