Thursday 28 April 2011

A Right Royal Affair

All this talk of weddings, I guess it makes us all think of our own special day, I know it has me.

Obviously in my case it turned out to be slightly farcical in many ways but then, had everything gone smoothly no doubt many of the guests would have thought that they were either at the wrong wedding or felt slightly cheated.

Id chosen the end of May for several reasons. One because it was in May that we first met, two because hopefully the weather would be kind to us and three, because it was a Bank Holiday and so would hopefully take some of the pressure off those having to travel knowing that they had an extra day to recover.

Other than not getting married in Church (this was Mr Mac 2nd time round) I had exactly the day that I had chosen.

A small wedding, just 40 odd guests, those people closest to me with a few exceptions of people living abroad that couldn't make it.

My day started at 4:15 am with my very elderly cat Billy crapping all over the brand new, pale honey coloured carpet Id had laid in the front room! Billy bless him was nearly 21 at the time but although his eyesight wasn't what it used to be and his teeth made a funny kind of grinding sound as he ate, there was nothing wrong with his aim!

Liquid shit from one end of the (loop piled) carpet to the other and a generous splash up the skirting and wall for good measure.

if only!

Suddenly the breakfast I'd planned lost some of it's appeal.

The wedding was set for 11:30, the registry office just a few minutes away so the car was due at 11:15.

11:15 came and went but I was calm, the brides supposed to be a little late isn't she?

Apparently NOT at a registry office! By 25 past frantic phone calls were being made, if I didn't get there within the next 10 minutes the wedding was OFF!!!


The car had been booked the previous night by a hen party, not only had the 'hen' chucked up all over the back seat but the driver, not a happy bunny, had decided he couldn't face cleaning puke up at 2:30 in the morning and had left it there for someone to find the next day!

I had a choice, arrive in a slightly damp car smelling of regurgitated WKD and kebabs or, take the alternative they would provide free of charge.

JUST SEND ME A BLOODY CAR!!! Was my considered response. So they did!

I arrived, in style, in a Minibus!

The guest, all still gathered outside were treated to the edifying spectacle of me, dress hitched up to my knees, shoes in hand, belting down the path, holding desperately onto one of my stockings because the suspender had come undone!

But I was there, all was well.

Mr Mac is a big Bon Jovie fan (Oh, how I love to share THAT with you all!) and had chosen the music that I was to walk down the' aisle' to, a slow ballad called 'You had me from Hello'. Unfortunately, rather than burn the track on to a separate disk he had brought the CD in and forgotten to specify which track!

I stood there, in my beautiful dress, holding my bouquet of roses and lilly of the valley, drinking in the joy of the occasion and proceeded to boogied down the aisle to the crashing cords of Undivided!!!

Just one more thing I though then that's my three, I'll be home and dry (cat shit doesn't count when you have an elderly cat it's a way of life).

Id assumed that when I dropped my flowers outside to the shocked gasps of the guests (VERY unlucky apparently!) that we were done, everything would now be plain sailing.

Well, sailing wasn't too far from the truth to be honest.

We had possible the most extraordinary combination of weather events I've EVER known in on day!

It alternated between brilliant sunshine, wasn't it lucky said Mr Mac when we looked through the photos later, all the photos make it look like a beautiful day. Ummm, not so LUCKY really, every time the sun appeared we rallied the troops and rushed outside for a few snaps (I don't care if you're food goes cold, get your arse out there was my mantra that day!)

The wedding breakfast was eaten mainly to the accompanying sound of hailstones the size of golf balls drumming on the roof.

The speeches were all but drowned out by the most spectacular thunder and lightening I've EVER witnessed and we all arrived at the evening reception like drowned rats due to the monsoon that hit Somerset like the end of the world was nigh!

It was indeed, the most perfect of days.


Anonymous said...

Sarah, your big day sounds like it was certianly full of trials and tribulations! But it also sounds like you had afantastic day in spite of everything!

When you picture England, I never think of it raining in Somerset, let along Thunderstorms - I thought those were saved for us folks up here in Cheshire!

Yu have now inspired me to write about my forthcoming nuptials on my blog, so thank you for that..


Sarah said...

It was the best day Lou and one I doubt anyone will forget. It could have been a disaster but we spent the whole day laughing and waiting for the next thing to go wrong (we weren't disappointed:).

Look forward to hearing your story, maybe you could give us some snippits of your wedding in the planning? (come to think of it, I have a whole OTHER story there too!)

mamabook said...

I have know amazing wedding disaster story of my own but loved yours. Best friend from highschool had it for me - her wedding was on the day of sydney's worst ever bushfires, the priest was asleep in the car throughout the wedding (he had the time wrong - had to scramble for a replacement), her sister who was a bridesmaid had terrible vomiting bug (she still showed up, very pale) .... All in all a hoot. We had a great time - from what I can remember!

Sarah said...

I think the best wedding are the ones where anything that can go wrong DOES go wrong.

They are certainly the ones we remember!

I forgot to mention that my son (who was 7 at the time) had said to me when he heard we were eventually getting married 'I'll be carrying the rings on a cushion wont I?'. I guess he must have seen it on telly or somethng. I duly had a ring bearers cushion made so he could do this only to discover at the crucial moment that the Best Man (eager to avoid disater) had double knotted the ribbon attatching the rings to the cushion so we stood there for what seemed like HOURS trying to unpick the bloody things!

A Farmer's Wife said...

It sounds like a very memorable day - that's for sure! At least you got some sunshine photos. Love the Bon Jovi story!

Seana Smith said...

Poor you! Hope it was all good from then on... well, good enough anyway! Visiting from the Fibro, nice to say hello.

Sarah said...

It certainly WAS a memorable day. Looking through the photos reminded me that not only had my daughter taken the scissors to her fringe 4 days before the wedding but she'd also written bum on her forehead in permenent marker (still slightly visible in some of the shots). And there are no photos of my beautiful wedding cake due to my hearing the waitress say 'are you going to cut the cake now' and saying yes when in fact what she actually said was 'shall I cut the cake now'!

The Mummy Hat said...

Oh wow, what a day for you!
At least you got all of your bad luck out on your wedding day and can enjoy the rest of your lives drama free (fingers crossed!)

Anonymous said...

This certainly was a BIG day, but not for the right reasons. It did make for a very funny post though. You had me at cat poo.
Visiting from The Fibro :)

Sarah said...

Sadly we didnt have our 'happy ever after'. Mr Mac's midlife crisis smacked him in the face and devoured him whole about 18 months ago.

But I've got lots of great (and some not so great) memories and plenty of hope for the future (and still no shortage of cat poo :)

tinsenpup said...

At least you got a fabulous story of it. I nearly work the children up giggling at the Bon Jovi bit. Very well told!

Sarah said...

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. In the 13 years we spent together I gathered a few more Mr Mac stories to share at some point.

Aakriti said...

OMG!!! The beginning somehow sounds like that of "Runaway Bride" but in ur case you were there:P..haha..and then wow..the music nit is sooo funny, and finally the weather.You surely had one UNIQUE wedding experience Sarah. I'm sure it brings a smile on ur face whebeva u recall wour Wedding day:) Lovely read..Here's my blog: http://aakritimalik.blogspot.com/2011/04/yesterdayi-fell-in-love.html

Life In A Pink Fibro said...

The Bon Jovi thing made me laugh out loud. Not quite what you'd expect! The most perfect days are always the days full of unexpected surprises. Otherwise they're boring!

Thanks for Rewinding at the Fibro!

The Tiny Team said...

WE tried to potty train our cats with the Litter Kwitter...

we had to kwit the kwitter, and dig out the ol' litter box....



Sarah said...

Ha ha, I had to google litter Kwitter, I thought the photo was just a joke! Hmmm, sharing my loo with a teenage boy is bad enough, do I really want to share it with the cats? ...........